V is for Vegemite: or, the Australian national identity is black, sticky, and kind of smells like yeast...

April A-Z Topic:  Vegemite

Okay, in this one I'm going to talk about something very serious, an issue which is close to the hearts of all Australians. We live it, breathe it, pass it on to our children, and marvel at the fact that people from other countries just can't get it.

 I'm talking about Vegemite Zen, people.

Yes, Vegemite, that nasty looking black spread that we Aussies are so fond of spreading on our toast. You see, for many years we've believed that the rest of the world were insane. How could they not love Vegemite? It was unthinkable, unfathomable and unforgivable.

But I was watching a TV show the other day (ah, good old TV, is there anything you can't teach us), and it suddenly all became clear.  I don't know why I didn't think of it before, it's so obvious. Vegemite isn't just a tradition, or a taste preference.

 It's a state of being.

We train our children to eat Vegemite. Every mother has an amusing "The first time my child ate Vegemite" story to tell. It's gooey, black, and really not that nice tasting, but it's part of our national psyche. We eat it because we can't comprehend not eating it. Nothing else fills the void.

 Peanut butter? Bah! Jam? Forsooth! There is no substitute for Vegemite. This is Vegemite Zen.

So, the next time you see an Australian and they offer you some Vegemite, please be careful about how you reply. The usual response we get goes something like "Eww, I don't want any of that stuff. It's disgusting." Please remember, this is a national state of being your insulting. To insult Vegemite is to insult all Australians everywhere. Promote world unity, just try the Vegemite.

Who knows, you might even become enlightened and find yourself liking it.