V is for Vegemite: or, the Australian national identity is black, sticky, and kind of smells like yeast...

April A-Z Topic:  Vegemite

Okay, in this one I'm going to talk about something very serious, an issue which is close to the hearts of all Australians. We live it, breathe it, pass it on to our children, and marvel at the fact that people from other countries just can't get it.

 I'm talking about Vegemite Zen, people.

Yes, Vegemite, that nasty looking black spread that we Aussies are so fond of spreading on our toast. You see, for many years we've believed that the rest of the world were insane. How could they not love Vegemite? It was unthinkable, unfathomable and unforgivable.

But I was watching a TV show the other day (ah, good old TV, is there anything you can't teach us), and it suddenly all became clear.  I don't know why I didn't think of it before, it's so obvious. Vegemite isn't just a tradition, or a taste preference.

 It's a state of being.

We train our children to eat Vegemite. Every mother has an amusing "The first time my child ate Vegemite" story to tell. It's gooey, black, and really not that nice tasting, but it's part of our national psyche. We eat it because we can't comprehend not eating it. Nothing else fills the void.

 Peanut butter? Bah! Jam? Forsooth! There is no substitute for Vegemite. This is Vegemite Zen.

So, the next time you see an Australian and they offer you some Vegemite, please be careful about how you reply. The usual response we get goes something like "Eww, I don't want any of that stuff. It's disgusting." Please remember, this is a national state of being your insulting. To insult Vegemite is to insult all Australians everywhere. Promote world unity, just try the Vegemite.

Who knows, you might even become enlightened and find yourself liking it.

The Vegemite Experiment: findings from Sporkgasm...

Okay kids, we've finally reached the end of our little experiement!  After receiving mixed results from NellieVaughn, and an unequivocal no from Just Keepin' It Real, Folks!, the utterly adorable Sporkgasm has provided us with her findings.

Sporkgasm chose to record her findings via video, so that means we're lucky enough to get to watch as she experiences her first ever taste of the Black Peril!  Poor thing, she looked quite daunted as she spread the Vegemite on her carefully prepared piece of toast, but like the trooper that she is she forged ahead and took a generous bite.

 Her conclusion?  It tasted like salt.  With extra salt.  And not in a good way. 

Yeah, that's probably true enough.  I'm fairly sure that about 75% of all heart disease in Australia is caused by Vegemite, it's that heavy on the sodium.  I think it's one of those "if it doesn't kill you it'll make you stronger" things.

Sporkgasm plans to use the rest of her tube to make a dessert she saw on one of those cooking reality shows, so I wish her the best of luck!  I'm not sure how Vegemite fits into a sweet dish, but I'll be waiting eagerly to see if they're more palatable to American taste buds.

I think what I've gotten from this whole process is that I'm glad I was born and raised in Australia.  The thought of not liking Vegemite!  Of not having it for breakfast every day!  Horrifying!

There's no vintage Vegemite commercial today, I'm afraid!  Instead, I have a response that was crafted by Youtube's Communitychannel to an American vlogger who had besmirched Australia's good name due to our love of Vegemite, boomerangs and, strangely enough, apparent lack of a national anthem.  I think Communitychannel's reply said everything that all us Australians would have if given the chance.  Not to mention, she's freaking hilarious!

So it looks like a consensus has been reached.  I'm going to have to say, based on the results of our three intrepid guinea pigs, that it is highly unlikely someone not raised eating Vegemite will enjoy it if they're given some to try. I think most of us were expecting those results, but it's nice to have the data to back it up.  Makes it all legit.

I'd like to take the opportunity to thank our three brave scientists!  Your sacrifices for our amusement were greatly appreciated!

The Vegemite Experiment: findings from Just Keepin' It Real, Folks!

Good morrow, good fellows!  Today we have the second instalment of results from The Vegemite Experiment!

Those of you who frequent my blog will remember that we got the first lot of results from NellieVaughn over at Buttons Are Not Currency a couple of days ago.  Now we've got some new data to crunch through!

The ever so delightful Just Keepin' It Real, Folks! is our second guinea pig, and like the little trooper that she is she's put her life on the line to bring us all a fair and unbiased judgement of the appeal of Vegemite.

And it turns out her fair and unbiased judgement is that Vegemite makes a better wall putty, face mask and pot hole filler than it does a sandwich spread.  Yeah, I could see that ... well except for the face mask bit.  I've never known an Aussie to use it in that particular way before.  We're definitely not ready for that jelly.

Like most of us would, after deciding that it tasted awful she judged the best course of action was to inflict it on her poor unsuspecting family members.  Good girl!  That's the sort of initiative and dedication to the cause we like to see!  None of them seemed to find it any more appealing though, so I guess we can say that in answer to the question "Can some not raised on Vegemite like it", the answer from Just Keepin' It Real, Folks! is a definitive HELL NO!

And now, here's another old Vegemite commercial.  No real reason, I just think they're neat!

So, thank you for your input, Just Keepin' It Real, Folks!  I think we all found this to be extremely informative!  Coming soon, the final results from Sporkgasm!

The Vegemite Experiment: findings from NellieVaughn...

Any of you who have been reading my blog for a while will remember that a few weeks ago I proposed an experiment.  The goal ... to see if non Australians could enjoy the delightful sandwich spread that is known as Vegemite.

Today when I logged on to see what was happening in Blogteria it was to find that the first of my little care packages had reached their destination.  NellieVaughn over at Buttons Are Not Currency had received hers, along with my handy dandy instruction sheet, and she promptly leapt into action.

As Nellie isn't able to eat anything with gluten in it she couldn't test the spread herself.  It's jam packed full of those little glutinous buggers.  That's my bad, I should have made that clear from the start.  But undaunted, she still forged ahead, determined to do her bit for science.

She gave it to several adults to try, as well as her two absolutely adorable nieces, and the results were mixed I must say.  According to her the adults seemed to like it, but if the video evidence she posted is anything to go by I'd have to say the two girls were less than impressed.

One of them described it as tasting like "meat juice".  Hmm, fair cop.  I can totally see where she got that from.  I suppose it does taste a bit like basted roast beef.  The other said that it tasted "sour".  I probably would have gone with salty, but given that this is an experiment it's probably better that I keep my nosy opinions to myself and stop trying to skew the results.

So, to summarise.  So far we can determine that older, more mature taste buds are able to appreciate the allure of Vegemite, but it seems to be lacking in appeal to the youngsters.  But of course these are just the preliminary results, we've still got two more tubes of salty goodness making their way across the ocean!

And now, just for shits and giggles, here's an old Vegemite commercial!

So I'd like to thank NellieVaughn for her her valuable contribution to scientific knowledge!  We appreciate your willingness to sacrifice your friends and family to the cause!  Now we wait with palpitations to see what results Sporkgasm and Just Keepin It Real, Folks get!

The Vegemite Experiment...

Hello, my lovelies!  Two days have now passed since I suggested to you all that we embark on a journey of intellectual discovery ... otherwise known as me sending Vegemite to unsuspecting people from overseas so we can all enjoy their reactions!

Well, everyone needs a hobby.

I've gone through the names of those of you who expressed an interest in joining in, and after a very official selection process which involved a sheet of paper, a sharpie, a pair of safety scissors and a hat, I'm happy to announce that the following bloggers are the lucky guinea pigs ... I mean winners!

Sporkgasm
Just Keepin It Real, Folks!
NellieVaughn

Well, we'll see if they still see themselves as winners after they've tasted it.

Now, as a veteran Vegemite diner, I should probably give you three a few tips on the best way to eat Vegemite.  I tend to eat it either on toast with margarine, or fresh bread without margarine.  You'll want to spread it evenly, but not too thick.  That's a rookie mistake.  You can, if you insist, eat it on crackers, but I wouldn't recommend it.

Hopefully you'll all share your experience with us (after all, that's the point of all this), and if you want to include photos or even a video, none of us will protest!

Okay then, if the three of you would be so kind as to send me your postal addresses to delightfullyludicrous@gmail.com, I'll get this Vegemite sent off to you!

Thank you, you brave souls!  We all appreciate the sacrifice you're making.