Tuesday, April 2, 2013

B Is For Bugs: or, why is there a conga line going behind my fridge...

April A-Z Topic:  Bugs

Last night I came home to find that the ants in my kitchen have developed beyond a simple tribal civilisation into something more complex.

 As soon as they start constructing nuclear weapons, I'm going to make first contact.

I suppose I should explain what the ants are doing there.  It's not that I don't clean my kitchen (shut up, everyone who's ever been to my place), but there is quite the prospering ant colony under my back deck, and they love nothing more than to climb up the side of the house, make their way in the kitchen window, and then frolic around like it's a bloody Disney movie or something.

I've tried all sorts of potions and poisons to get rid of them but none of it seems to work, so I've just learned to put up with it.  They don't really come too far in the house, and I only douse them with boiling water when it's absolutely necessary.

It's a tentative truce, but it's worked for us so far.

But when I finally dragged my weary self through my front door last night I noticed a change. Instead of sticking to their traditional routes, they were going all the way around the wall and behind the fridge.  What the hell?  They'd never done that before!

Once I'd moved the fridge, it was easy to see the problem.  A rather large piece of chicken had been flung behind it, no doubt from Gypsy the Feline Dictator's dinner the previous evening.

Kellie:  Damn it, Gypsy! If you don't stop tossing your food around like psychotic maniac, I'm transferring you over to a dry food diet!   
Gypsy the Feline Dictator:  I don't know why you're so upset, I'm the one who only got to eat half of my chicken thigh last night. 
Kellie:  And whose fault is that?  Seriously, don't test me!  I'll take the chicken away, just see if I don't! 
Gypsy the Feline Dictator:  Really ... by the way, that's a nice new leather couch you bought us.  It'd be a shame if someone ... scratched it.   
Kellie:  ... 
Gypsy the Feline Dictator: ... 
Kellie:  So ... how about I get you some chicken, huh? 
Gypsy the Feline Dictator:  Yes, that's what I thought you said.

Being held to ransom by my cat ... I'm not sure whether I'm ashamed or proud.

97 comments:

  1. I'm going to start bribing my cats with chicken! I've been going about this "training" thing all wrong!

    Hugs!

    Valerie Nunez and the Flying Platypi

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    1. Oh, I'm not training her, she's definitely the one doing the training. I'm pretty sure she's just a pair of opposable thumbs away from world domination.

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  2. It's 3 am in the morning and I'm supposed to be in bed. But just before I reach out to log of, up you pop and of course, I felt compelled to read. Now I'm laughing out loud like a arse at the hilarious conversation between you and Gypsy the Feline Dictator.

    Methink she would make an excellent companion for Spawn, as every future Tyrannical Despotic Leader and potential Overlord, needs a Gypsy feline dictator. :)

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    1. Oh god, we have to make sure those two NEVER meet! I'm serious, that much concentrated evil might actually tear apart the fabric of space/time!

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  3. I am so jealous that it's warm enough there for bugs. Snow squalls all day today here. Again.

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    1. Oh, how I wish my ants would all freeze to death!

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  4. Just a thought and it worked for me and my plants until it stormed something fierce, but ants, for whatever reason, don't seem to like cinnamon. Maybe try sprinkling some behind the fridge and where you see them.

    As for the cat...Jeesh! I thought mine were mini dictators. At least I don't have nice furniture for them to ruin. Maybe just keep that supply of nice fresh chicken coming!

    Good Luck!

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    1. Perhaps I should give that a try. Thanks for the tip!

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  5. I have just realized why I still feel an odd sense of control over my destiny. For some unknown reason, I have a cat who will eat nothing--NOTHING--but Iams Chicken kibble bits. Not fish. Not chicken. Not treats. Not even ice cream. There was hell to pay the day we brought home Costco kibble, but once order was reestablished all was well again. The ants, of course, I have no control over. But I use Windex instead of boiling water. Try it: it's very satisfying.

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    1. LOL! Cats do get very dictatorial about what they will and won't eat, don't they. Gypsy will only eat one brand of dry food, and only in the middle of the day. At night she demands raw chicken.

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  6. Laughing here, because yeah, cats are wicked.

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    1. Very much so! Mine is evil incarnate, I'm pretty sure she's planning world domination right now.

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  7. My cats know that I don't care what the scratch up...therefore, they make their displeasure known by shitting and/or puking all over the house. It's grand!

    I had an ant problem 2 years ago. They were everywhere! I'd get up in the morning, and there would be a Ant Dance Party happening in the kitchen. I'd find them in the bathrooms, in my kids' rooms...I eventually found and destroyed the source (candy in a carry-on that I'd inherited -- which I knew nothing about, obviously) and all was well again in a short time. But still...while it was going on, it was hell! I feel your pain.

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    1. LOL! Gypsy is surprisingly fussy about not getting things messy. I guess she figures, seeing as she's here more than I am, that she needs the place to be clean if she's going to live in it.

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  8. We get a lot of ants, too. Fortunately, they're tiny and they're not in the kitchen. We use Terro Traps - do you have them there? I guess it's basically borax and sugar water, put it on a sponge or in a little plastic dish. You probably want to keep it out of the way of the cat...

    Probably.

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    1. I'd be terrified of what she'd do with it! Not that she'd eat it, but that she'd use it to take the dog next door hostage or something.

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  9. The ant nest will have to go, they keep popping up in my laundry, especially when it's hot. xx

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    1. We've tried so many times to get rid of it, but it must go a really long way down because it never seems to work.

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  10. Oddly enough, you're making me miss having cats! Husband is allergic, so we're a dog house. But there's just something about being ordered around by a cat; nothing quite like it.

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    1. True. They're the most human of pets, aren't they.

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  11. ROFLMAO that's hilarious. The cat not the ants--they would be annoying.

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    1. The ants are annoying, but at least manageable. Gypsy is hilarious, but completely unmanageable. It's a trade off I suppose.

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  12. Oh, I hate those ant conga lines! Every spring they show up, and it makes me batty. Never thought of hot water. A new use for my steamer!

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  13. Se have serious ant issues here too. It's the only part of summer that sucks! Well, that and all the other bugs "B" stands for! Great post, love your humor!

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  14. So gross. I hate ants. Luckily they stay outside where they belong around my place.

    KC @ The Occasional Adventures of a Hermit & Oh Frog It

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    1. I'm not even sure why they come in to my place, I don't leave food out on the bench or anything. They just come in, wander around, then go out again.

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  15. You just make me laugh, Kellie!

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  16. Make no mistake. Our cats OWN us. We bend so easily to their collective will. It's frightening. I love this post. You have me a good, healthy belly laugh after a long Monday. And speaking of ants.. have you ever seen the movie THEM? :) If ants were any bigger.....

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    1. No, I don't think I've seen it, I'll have to hunt it up!

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  17. Haha, like the conversation!! Thanks for the giggle.

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  18. Haha, a kind of grudging pride I'd say...... :)

    mmm, you must have tried it, but Ant Rid works a treat for me - er, so far....

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    1. We've tried a lot of things, but I guess the nest is really deep because nothing has worked so far. Not even the poison you leave out that the ants supposedly take back and give to the queen.

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  19. Yup that's the problem, ants never recognise the truce and always push the line. Hope you've got them under control.

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    1. We're back to our understanding. Only brief detours in the kitchen window, not all the way around the walls.

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  20. Hysterical conversation, haha! Darn feline dictators. We've got ants that come from somewhere near our front door. There's a raised step, so we'll be ripping that out to see what's going on. The house can be spotless, but they come in anyway. We've discovered cinnamon helps (we've got kids and the cat, so don't want poison out inside). But then you have cinnamon in the carpet.

    Shannon at The Warrior Muse

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    1. And everything would smell of cinnamon ... which is awesome if you like cinnamon of course :D

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  21. You had me laughing with the title. Conga line? Ha-ha. But it's a lost cause with the feline dictator. You know they rule, don't you? "Cats rule, dogs drool." I think that was a line from Homeward Bound. Fun post, Kellie!

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    1. LOL! Cats definitely do rule. At least mine does.

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  22. Maybe I should start getting chicken for my cat. I'm surprised she hasn't blackmailed me already, actually.

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    1. Ooh, it's a slippery slope. Once you start, they won't let you stop.

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  23. I hate ants you just never know where they're going next.Only had them once and put done little bowls with some sort of poison and it worked. Your cat is too clever.

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    1. She is too clever, far too clever for a common house cat. I suspect genetic enhancement.

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  24. Wow... an interesting read... left me in splits!!

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  25. I didn't think we'd get a Feline Dictator post within the A-Z Challenge. Imagine my glee! How do ants just know where there's food? I swear, drop a piece of candy and watch it, nothing will happen, turn your back for a second, and welcome a horde of pests.

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    1. It's true. It's the same principle you use when you leave food in the staff kitchen. Put it on the bench, turn your back, and when you turn around again it will be surrounded by half a dozen of your workmates, all shovelling it in as quickly as they can.

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  26. We have sugar ants. They have been breaking into the house all over the place- first it was a bedroom. Then we sprayed it. Then the bathroom- we sprayed again, behind the dishwasher, and now by the cat litter box. LOL I'm thinking kidlets are not cleaning up messes well. :) Great post.

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    1. LOL! Very likely. I know my ants get quite uncontrollable if I have something spilled on the bench.

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  27. I think your cat and my cat would be amazing (and dangerous) friends. Ethel rules the roost.

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    1. Quite possibly, although I'd be scared of introducing Gypsy to any other being, cat or otherwise, that could help her on her rise to dictatorship.

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  28. LOL-many a person has been in similar predicaments. Felines are dangerous creatures:D Hopefully the ant army is settling back down sans chicken.

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    1. Yep, they've retreated. They didn't win the battle, and I'll be damned if they'll win the war!

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  29. My last cat -- and current ghost cat -- is called Gyspy. Hate that you have an ant problem. I wrote a post on the life lessons Gypsy taught me -- you might like it:
    http://rolandyeomans.blogspot.com/2011/04/g-is-for-gypsyonly-happy-wordspromise.html

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    1. You have a Gypsy ghost cat? I haven't come across a ghost cat since I was a kid and the ghost cat in her house used to climb in the window and crawl over my bed at night. I'll have to go read your post.

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  30. My cat has recently taken to filling the night air with mournful caterwauling. He's fine when he's being pet and fed, but I can't seem to get through a night. About to order a thundershirt.

    That way, even if he doesn't shut up, I get some embarrassing footage of him.

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    1. And that, my friend, is how viral videos are made.

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  31. He he! I love your humor. I also love cats, and yes, they pretty much own us, don't they. But that's part of their charm. Good luck with the ants. I know from experience that they're nearly impossible to get rid of.

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    1. I've definitely given up trying to get rid of them. I think they're here for good.

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  32. UGH we have an ant problem too! It's so annoying! We are currently in a "truce" as well, LOL!

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    1. LOL! It's hard, isn't it. It doesn't matter how many you kill, they never stop coming.

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  33. Seems like there has to be a better solution for this than Cat Ransom. Have you tried the stuff that the ants take back to the queen and kills the entire colony by eating it? Geez. Ants. I hate them. Gives me tingles (the bad kind) just thinking about them.

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    1. I did try that stuff, but they won't touch it. It sits on the window sill and they just walk right around it.

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  34. Didn't read the rest of the comments, so don't know if this was suggested should you choose to break your truce, ants won't cross a line of cinnamon in their path.

    Rhonda @Laugh-Quotes.com
    AtoZ #42

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    1. A few other people have said the same thing. Perhaps I need to line the windowsill with it.

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  35. Ahhh the ants, that really does suck. :)

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    1. Yep, but on the plus side if I ever accidentally spill something, they just zoom right in and clean it up! It's better than having a dog!

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  36. We have three cats who think they're in charge of us. One throws herself against our bedroom door every morning to wake us up so she can have breakfast. Now there's a post idea! No ants though. Hope you get rid of them!

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    1. Ah yes, the good old "Get up now and feed me" wake up call.

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  37. Hee hee hee! Can you at least bribe the feline dictator to take care of the ant situation?

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    1. I wish. She's a lady of leisure, refuses to lift a paw around here.

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  38. We have ants too. And stink bugs! They're the worst.

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    1. Ew! I hate stink bugs! I'll keep my ants I think.

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  39. I love your feline dictator! A benvolent despot, I'm sure. I myself have a Feline MOnitoring System, which weirdly enough I just did a post about. Coincidental cuteness!

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    1. LOL! I'm pretty sure cats were put on this earth to boss us around and look sweet.

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  40. You're giving in way too easily Kellie. I'd nicely mention to the Feline Dictator that I was thinking about smearing ant-loving honey all over her pretty coat if she 'lost' her chicken again... :) (You toughen/smarten up when you have children to stay ahead of! And I used to be such a nice person.. :)

    I've always kind of liked ants. From what I can see, they are clean, hard-working, selfless and loyal. I used to tap the bench if there were any ants, to warn them it was time to go. I watched one little guy take off for safety, then realise that one of his friends was trapped in a drop of water or something. He raced back, put his mate on his shoulder, then escaped with him (or her), while I stood there cheering :) As far as infestations go, it could be a lot worse!

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    1. What an inspirational story! In my head there's dialogue like "Just go on without me, Andy! You'll never get me out in time" and "Shut up, Lou, we came here together, and I'll be damned if we don't leave the same way!".

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  41. I see where Gypsy got the name Dictator. It looks like Gypsy might of won that battle...at least for now.

    As for the ants, it has nothing to do with the cleanliness of the kitchen if there is an ant hill near the foundation. Those little suckers will find a way in.

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    1. Yep, and the nest is so deep it's practically impossible to get rid of. Well, is suppose it could be worse.

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  42. Ugh I hate bugs, even little ants which seem to make their way inside through the smallest of places. :/ In these parts the bigger challenge is called the Stink Bug and they have invaded everyones homes. :( There is no known pesticide to kill them. This is the year of the return of the cicada. I am terrified of them. :/

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    1. Cicadas! I love the noises they make, but I certainly wouldn't want to touch one.

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  43. My kitchen has ants, too. I always feel so guilty about killing them, so I usually let it go until there's more ants than counter space.

    Best of luck with the A to Z challenge,
    Jocelyn

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    1. Yeah, I used to be like that too. But now days I'm a hard hearted wench who just drowns them as soon as looks at them.

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  44. I am so thankful to not have any mass quantities of bugs in my house. It's weird, because it's an older house, so I would expect it, but nope! I grew up in a house with ant problems and it was so frustrating!

    But you are a wise woman to bow to your cats demands...they don't play!

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    1. I'd never dream of calling Gypsy's bluff. I know very well she doesn't bluff.

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  45. What a timely arrival, hope c doesn't stand for cockroach.

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    1. LOL! Absolutely not! Those I'm not so tolerant of.

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  46. I have the tiniest of ants trying to take over my kitchen and there is NOTHING for them to eat. They are making me crazy. I've put out some bait traps but they just walk on by. I've rubbed sugar on those traps and bacon grease...anything that might attract them. They just mock me, I know it! I have two dogs that rule my house. Love your blog. Stopping by from Bre's blog hop (finally).
    Laurie
    Lulu and Daisy

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  47. I keep alternating between LOL-ing and EUW!-ing and now I'm all uppercase-expressioned-out. My fave bit was your standoff with your kitteh. :-D
    Some Dark Romantic

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  48. Haha! What a great story! Cats are evil. ;)

    We haven't had an ant problem in a few years, but we do sometimes get an infestation of house centipedes. Those things terrify me! Have you ever seen one? Google it if you haven't. They're so creepy. *shudder*

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  49. I lived in a house with a similar ant problem.
    Once we found a conga line to an empty coca cola can behind a chair... :D

    auntyamo
    http://ficticiousamo.wordpress.com/

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