Friday, April 19, 2013

Q is for Quandary: or, great medical disasters involving my underwear...

April A-Z Topic:  Quandary

Well, I had a bit of an embarrassing situation at the doctor's the other day.

I won't go into the finer details of the appointment.  Suffice to say I laid back and thought of England, he did his voo-doo witchcraft, and I was quickly sent on my way with a clean bill of health.  Phew, what a relief!

Well, it was until I realised that something was not quite right.

It wasn't until I was driving home that it occurred to me the control pants I'd put on that morning didn't seem quite so tight. For those of you who don't know, control pants are those awful elastic things that you wear under your normal clothes to smooth you out so you don't show any underpant lines.  Normally they're fairly tight so you can't help but notice them, but right then I couldn't feel them at all.

And that's when I realised ... the reason they didn't feel so tight was because I wasn't wearing them any more!

When I'd gotten dressed, I must have knocked them off the hook and onto the floor, and it didn't even occurred to me I hadn't put them on again! Oh my god, how would I ever face him again?

I contemplated calling the surgery and asking if anyone had found any spare articles of clothing, but decided that wouldn't be such a good idea. Perhaps the passive-aggressive approach would be better! I'd just pretend it never happened.  Denial is a wonderful thing.

Or perhaps the time has come to find a new doctor.

86 comments:

  1. Well, at least you arrived wearing panties..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, that's one of my rules. Always wear underwear to the doctor's. I'm just a bit more easy going on the whole going home wearing them.

      Delete
  2. I'm sorry, but this made me laugh! Poor you, though. I hope they weren't too expensive...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Even if they'd cost half a month's salary, I still wouldn't be asking for them back. It's way too embarrassing.

      Delete
  3. hmmm, you just had this doctor examine your hoohoo (I assume it was a gyn appointment?) and you are embarrassed about leaving your underwear there? Ha ha ha!!!

    I'm sure they have people leave bits of clothing all the time---and he won't be the one tidying up the exam room so you probably don't have anything to worry about:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're probably right, but I still can't bring myself to call and ask.

      Delete
  4. As long as doesn't take them home and put them in his underwear drawer, I think you'll be ok.. he will probably forget about the m by the time you have to go back.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL! Possibly. Although, if I was a doctor I'd probably put that sort of thing on people's records so I'd never forget.

      Delete
  5. From now on, after every appointment, you will need to leave a pair behind... It is your destiny...

    Hugs!

    Valerie Nunez and the Flying Platypi

    ReplyDelete
  6. I would find a new doctor. One that doesn't have a reason to laugh at you. :0

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well I have a while before I have to worry about it.

      Delete
  7. He's probably wearing them right now, the sick bastard.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Eww ... and is it wrong of me to hope that they're small on him?

      Delete
  8. That is embarrassing! Who knows where your undergarment will end up?

    The worst mishap involving undergarments I had occurred when I was 18. After spending some time with the boyfriend I had at the time, I couldn't find my bra. I didn't know what to do, so I put my shirt back on. Then his dad walked in and said we'd be having dinner soon. He was about to leave when he spotted something. He picked up my bra, looked at me, and said "You might want to put this on before you come downstairs." I was mortified!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL! Ah, the mortification of getting caught by the parentals.

      Delete
  9. Oh, this is truly embarrassing, Kellie! But we've all had our moments, so join the club! Mine was walking out of a restroom with a trail of T.P. hanging from my waist. You made me smile, as usual:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I always feel so bad for people trailing TP when they come from the loos.

      Delete
  10. An old joke: A woman gets home from seeing her doctor & calls him to ask if she had left her panties at his office. When he tells her no, she says, "I must have left them at the dentist's!"

    ReplyDelete
  11. Yeah, are you absolutely certain you showed up wearing knickers? Regardless, as long as you don't show up so often that you make an impression, surely he goes out with much more disturbing stories than, "some lady left her panties like it was a Tom Jones concert cirque 1976." And your oversight is completely forgotten.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope so. I just hope he hasn't included it in my file.

      Delete
  12. LOLOL! How will you ever face the man who saw your Spanx....AFTER he spent 15 minutes lubricating and scraping your cervix. HA! There is some serious cognitive dissonance there, hon.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Seriously Kellie, the man spent how many minutes looking at the inner workings of your Lady Garden and you're worried about your 'big mama knickers??' Hilarious. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He expected to see my "lady garden", not my granny pants lying on the floor. I think that's the difference.

      Delete
  14. It could have been worse... you could have gassed him.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Well think of it this way....you didn't lose so much weight that your skivvies slid down to the ground as you were crossing the parking lot.

    In front of family and friends.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Maybe view it as a declaration of freedom from restrictive fashion while you're young and healthy. YOLO and all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah! Of course, I can pass it of as me thumbing my nose at the gender norms.

      Delete
  17. Love this - sorta thing I would do - deny I ever owned a pair

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As opposed to me, who writes about it on the internet for anyone to read ;D

      Delete
  18. I can't imagine you're the first one who's left anything behind. Shoot - I've walked out of places leaving my purse behind! I can see where it would be embarrassing, but I'm sure the nurses wouldn't bat an eye if you called or came back for it. On the list of crazy, wacky things people do, this isn't so bad. :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. True, but I'd feel so embarrassed, even if I called I doubt I'd get the guts up to go and actually get them.

      Delete
  19. Good Lord, good on you for being so relaxed, once I went to a mole specialist on Wickham Tce and the doctor told me as small talk he loved poodles. Cute. Anyway, when I was returning for more treatment involving me just wearing bra and bottom half clothing I was horrified when I realised I was wearing this novelty patterned poodle print bra! Omg! I nearly drove back home, mortified! Don't go back to claim what's yours! Xx

    ReplyDelete
  20. hahahaha. Yes, I would go with ignorance and denial. Voo-doo magic. Nice to meet someone else who calls it that. :-)

    Don't be a Hippie
    Take 25 to Hollister

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL! Well I don't know what they're doing, so it might as well be voodoo!

      Delete
  21. I've had a son forget to wear underwear TO a doctor appointment, but I can't say I've ever heard of someone walking OUT of an appointment without his/her undergarments. Absolutely hysterical.
    And imagine the stories the staff and/or the patient seen after you are telling!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm not sure I want to know what they're saying, but I'm glad I could amuse them.

      Delete
  22. That's funny sounds like something that would happen to me. (:

    Came by from Tales of the Reborn Crafter

    http://talesofthereborncrafter.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sure I'm not the first person to do it, I expect most doctors have all sorts of things left in their offices, but I still felt pretty embarrassed.

      Delete
  23. he probably is just selling them to japan, making some big bucks...i am pretty sure you can go back there with no problems. or they have a lost and found panties box?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh god, I hope not! Surely he could find some nicer looking used panties than my old suckie in granny panties!

      Delete
  24. Hahaha! Urghhh, yes denial is definitely a better approach! At least then he doesn't have to admit that he took them home and now sleep with them on his pillow x

    ReplyDelete
  25. This sounds so very Bridget Jones of you..!
    I feel your pain. Your embarrassment. (A feeling with which I am most unfortunately all too excruciatingly conversant.) I have no advice to offer. Really, nothing. Except, perhaps.. think of England again?
    You know they are going to be keeping those pants in a bag for you, to hand over the next time you go in? :)

    Lol - I hope you are not feeling too mortified Kelly! They probably couldn't have cared less :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're probably right, it probably happens all the time there. But it doesn't happen all the time to me :(

      Delete
  26. Oh my god this made me spit coffee out on my keyboard I laughed so hard.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I misread Shelly's comment to say I hope they weren't too expansive! That's is what I would worry about!

      Delete
    2. Maybe I should put a warning on it about not drinking liquids while reading.

      Delete
  27. Oh I would definitely find a new doctor. Oh so embarrassing. Yes, the love of Tiffany Box blue can make some gals just down right forget their foundation undies..... hahahaha.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "I'm sorry, doctor, but I was so overcome by my love of Tiffany jewellery that I left my undergarments in your office"

      Delete
  28. You did the right thing to resolve that quandary. Denial was created for these very situations. Besides, there's some nurse's assistant or hospital janitorial staff now walking around feeling really good about his/her smoothed out butt.

    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh dear, I certainly hope not! Or that they at least washed them first!

      Delete
  29. oh no!!!!!! But I'm sure it's not the first time it's happened to your doctor. That would be my story.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Oh, Kellie - I laughed with this post! I am a tad bolder and would have called and requested a mail out of my knickers (aka control panties) if I couldn't get back there quickly. Those suckers are expensive and after baring all I don't think panties would cause so much as an eyebrow to be raised at their discovery! Oh... I'm still giggling!

    Have a wonderful weekend,
    Jenny @ PEARSON REPORT

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wish I was brave enough, but I know very well I won't be calling.

      Delete
  31. OMG!!! I would have freaked! Thinking about it though, I'm sure he's seen some pretty weird things and he probably wouldn't care all that much. It's hilarious though!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He's probably seen much worse than a spare pair of granny pants, but I doubt I'll be asking for them back any time soon.

      Delete
  32. Oh, no. My doctor would ridicule me for years. At least you're breathing a bit easier without those restrictive things squishing off your air flow. Having some jiggle is making a come back! It's what brings the boys to the yard or something.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah yes, all those boys brought to the yard, only to be disappointed when they find out it wasn't my milkshakes that brought them ;P

      Delete
  33. Too Funny! Don't you think they would have found them and saved them for you - or worse still, what if they post them too you. Thanks for the laugh.

    Rhonda @Laugh-Quotes.com
    Visiting from AtoZ #41

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They very well may, they do have my address, although I think it's much more likely that we'll all pretend it never happened.

      Delete
  34. "What, ha ha that's crazy. I didn't leave any panties here last time I was in. No. Not. Me. Never. Ha ha haaa maybe you're the crazy one." *Shifty eyes* "LOOK OVER THERE!" *Leaps out door runs crazily off down the street*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, this is an accurate description of what will probably happen the next time I have an appointment.

      Delete
  35. Beautiful! I am afraid that the cost of crazy undergarments might have had me going back for them...note to self: keep emergency $20 in an envelope marked "new unders"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Or an emergency pair of undies ... although I suppose those would be harder to explain if someone found them.

      Delete
  36. I read this five minutes ago...and I'm still chuckling! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well I do humiliate myself to give you guys a good chuckle.

      You're welcome :D

      Delete
  37. Well, that makes my embarrassing pyjama pants story seem rather insignificant! A bit of an expensive loss, I imagine.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Do you think the receptionist when she tidies the doctor's room will believe him when he says he doesn't know where they pants came from? I would just pretend it never happened.lol

    Is Anyone There

    ReplyDelete
  39. Wouldn't it be brilliant if the next time you went to the doctors surgery there was a big colour photo of your underwear stating 'Lost property, please go to the reception to claim'and to make matters worse a CCTV still image of the back of your head as you left the surgery.... with an added message stating: 'have you seen this woman?'
    You sure did give me a belly laugh Kellie.

    ReplyDelete
  40. That's a pretty funny story. I'd put money on them having set your undies aside, and are waiting for your call... I would imagine this kind of thing isn't unusual at all. But I know, it hasn't happened to YOU before!

    ReplyDelete
  41. Bwhahahaha, I just want to be a fly on the wall at the surgery AFTER you'd left. The doc and the admin staff would have been having a grand old time of it.....dontcha think?? :)

    ReplyDelete
  42. This is hilarious! And I think you did the wise thing. What you don't acknowledge never really happened, right? Right?!

    ReplyDelete
  43. As long as you weren't visiting the dentist, I think it's okay :)

    ReplyDelete
  44. LOL!!! Awesome!!! Thank you for today's laugh!
    Connie
    A to Z-ing to the end
    Peanut Butter and Whine

    ReplyDelete
  45. You wore control undies to the doctor for an internal?

    Why?

    I'd just wear really good, new normal undies, not control, put them in your bag to put on later if you needed them, but the less to take off the better for everyone, cause see what happened....you left them behind, oh dear!

    ReplyDelete
  46. Hilarious! Those spanx are soo expensive, I might have bribed a friend or unwitting family member to go fetch them. Denial seems good too.

    ReplyDelete