Monday, April 1, 2013

A Is For Artistic License: and why mine should be revoked...

 April A-Z Topic:  Artistic License
Dear Kellie, 
This letter is to inform you that your artistic license is, from this moment forward, officially revoked. Due to the reckless use of actual events and the gratuitous exploitation of friends and family members, we felt that this action was necessary. 
Henceforth, you are requested to write only obituaries, self help volumes and romance novels, none of which contain anything that even faintly resembles the truth. 
Yours Sincerely
Barnabus Blunderbuss
You know, if I actually had an artistic license (I failed the written) I'm pretty sure they would revoke it. Lately, for some reason that I certainly can't grasp, I've taken to using real life events and people in my writing.

Funny little tales, exaggerated character traits, and quirky conversations that I've witnessed or been a part of are rearing their ugly heads in these posts. This can only end badly.

The truth of the matter is, my muse keeps yelling in my ear, "Oi, you there, why are you ignoring all this perfectly good material?",  and it's right. It is good material, funny, insightful, touching, and guaranteed to get everyone I've ever met furious with me.

For example, I wrote something the other day about a very amusing incident at a dinner party I attended once.  It involved a frank discussion about sex, a wager, and a bowl of chilli, and it's brilliant, truly brilliant. Unfortunately, I can never post it because at least two of my closest friends would take out contracts on my life if they found out. Do you see my problem?

Sheesh, I'm a writer, I should be able to come up with these things without having to ransack my nearest and dearest's personal lives.

But honestly, the chilli story really was a corker.

87 comments:

  1. How 'bout you just email that story to me. Your friends would never have to know.

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  2. Was the chili involved with the sex and the wager? Also, I'm with "in the coop", if you want to start an email version of your blog to maintain further anonymity, I'm in. Or, how about this, you write the post, then claim it's a guest post. Then you have plausible deniability. You're welcome.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, the chilli, the sex and the wager were all interconnected. It was an ... interesting conversation.

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  3. I run into this problem all the time. *sigh* I guess we should all write anonymous blogs. At least you have enough of a filter to stop yourself because you know the trouble it would cause.

    I love the way you write your blog :) You make me laugh. Now go write your romance novels.

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    Replies
    1. LOL! Thank you!

      *... she clutched her tattered gown to her heaving bosom, swooning as he came into view...*

      Delete
  4. I'm with Pickelope submit the story as a guest post, I am lucky as half of my friends don't even know what a blog is xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, I made the decision to not be anonymous. I thought it'd keep me honest. I didn't realise how frustrating that could be.

      Delete
  5. I don't think I could read another sex, wager, chili post anyway!

    But if you emailed me as well I would not tell.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Very true, the market is rather saturated with them, isn't it.

      Delete
  6. "They" say the truth is stranger than fiction. Apparently "they" are correct. So sad. I would love to read that story.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Alas, it will have to languish in the dusty corner of my laptop.

      Delete
  7. I'd love to read it as well. Maybe you can send it to Lauren @ filing jointly and let her post it as something she overheard.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL! But then I'd be tempted to post about how I was guest posting, and it would defeat the whole purpose.

      Delete
  8. Change the scene, the characters, the location, or add it to a romance novel, one way or another find a way to tell the story. - Change dinner with friends to a weekend retreat with strangers, and the funny thing a couple of those strange people did with a bowl of chilli.... :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe one day, when all parties have forgotten about it, I'll drag it out and dust it off.

      Delete
  9. C'mon Kellie, spill the beans or should I say chilli. We're all curious now,ha ha ha. Why not do it as part of this challenge? By the time you get to Z we would have been told the whole story. See, it's that easy. Now how did it all start? :)

    A = Artistic Licence
    B = Bowl
    C = Chillis

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I could get a whole A-Z from it if I went about it the right way!

      Delete
  10. Hi Kellie,
    This is an interesting post for the day one
    I am here via a to z page
    keep cracking
    Phil @ Philipscom
    An ambassador to A to Z Challenge @ Tina's Life is Good
    And My Bio-blog


    ReplyDelete
  11. Hi Kellie :) Maybe your friends won't mind? I'm frequently nonplussed by how little need for privacy is innate in some people :) What makes fame so enticing, I wonder?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL! Everyone wants their fifteen minutes, hey? Well, they do until it makes them look bad.

      Delete
  12. I've had to delete a few well written posts too. Have to so that the husband does not take away my computer.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's so tempting to post them anyway though, isn't it.

      Delete
  13. That's been my problem too. I work with some real characters and I can't post about them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's the price we pay for hanging out with interesting people, I'm afraid.

      Delete
  14. My aunt and her kids are completely nutso, and would make for some awesome posts, but I haven't been able to tell the stories either, for fear they would find out. So frustrating!!

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  15. I used to have a poetic license, but it's probably revoked because I haven't written poetry in so long. But I feel I have redeemed myself...having a blog, I write almost every day which is not something I ever did when my poetic license was in force. Have a great day!

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    Replies
    1. LOL! I never had a poetic license, so I guess you could say any poetry I may or may not have written was done so illegally. I'm sure anyone who was forced to hear it would agree.

      Delete
  16. Here's an idea. Start an anonymous blog and post away to heart's content - your nearest and dearest need never know how much material they are providing you with. Just remember to change names and locations. When this blog is up and running, let me know and I'll follow!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL! I did that once, and then someone found it and before I knew it I had a shit storm on my hands. Ah well, not being anonymous does keep me honest, I suppose.

      Delete
  17. I know the 2 dumbest people on the planet, and they have such great, amazingly stupid stories that would be HILARIOUS to post. But they're also huge fans and read the blog all the time... and I don't have the heart to crush them. It kills me.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Kelli...I think it is safe to say, that all of us that write personal blogs could greatly improve our laughable material if we were more open to write about our friends and family. I often think of wonderful "would make a great" post ideas but hold back because being extricated from the family might be inconvenient. At my age I might need help getting to the Walgreens to buy my Depends in the near future.

    I wonder if we could get by with starting out saying ""The following story is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event," or, "Although inspired in part by a true incident, the following story is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event?" Those seem to have worked pretty well for Law and Order.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL! My friends aren't that gullible, I'm afraid.

      Delete
  19. Have this problem as well - so much I want to say but can't as hubby or kids or friends would be so offended! Bite your tongue.... But feel free to email us all the post

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  20. Now you MUST tell us! I post stories about friends all the time but I do it in vague terms so that no one specific is implicated!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I suppose I could just bleep all the recognisable bits, but then it'd be like "So he ***** the ****** and then ****** while she ****** with a ******* saddle".

      Delete
  21. Change the names - no one will know!

    Kate x
    Kate at Home

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, they'd know. Then they'd kill me. And I like being not dead. In fact, being not dead is one of my favourite hobbies.

      Delete
  22. But I dno't think there's anything wrong with this at all! Especially when it's a clever take :)

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    Replies
    1. LOL! Possibly, assuming the involved parties never EVER hear about it.

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  23. The greats always said "write what you know" I'd say you're just on the right track!

    ReplyDelete
  24. It's normal to write from your life. Change the chili to salad, inflate the wager and reverse the sex of the characters. Easy peasy, I can't wait to hear the story!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL! I don't think I'll risk it. It's more than my life is worth, I'm afraid.

      Delete
  25. I'm the last one who would criticize anyone's use of creative license.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL! Are you creating without one? I think they fine you for that, don't they?

      Delete
  26. You DO have my email address, right? (I'll expect the story!!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I promise, should I ever decide to make an email serial of it, you'll be first on the list :)

      Delete
  27. Maybe you should consider a license to carry concealed Arts? :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perhaps a license to kill (as a literary device)?

      Delete
  28. You had me laughing out loud in this post. I know exactly what you're talking about. I have notebooks full of stories I can never be seen, mostly about my mother-in-law.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ooh, be careful with those! Hell hath no fury like a mother-in-law made fun of.

      Delete
  29. *LOL* Now I'm really curious about this chili story!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A lot of people seem to be! I had no idea everyone would get so worked up about hearing it!

      Delete
  30. What we need is a frank discussion about sex, a wager, and a bowl of chilli. We need it. I need it. Now I won't be able to sleep. Doesn't that make you feel guilty?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm crushed with guilt ... but I guess I'll just have to learn to live with it ;P

      Delete
  31. Bah, I can't remember who said it, well, never mind... Many authors have talked about the ruthlessness with which authors should exploit the lives of their friends and families. The art is more important and all of that. Most of me agrees with that. I actually have a whole book of stories I intend to do based off of real events. I just haven't written enough of them down, yet.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think we all have a list like that! It's the "I've got nothing left to lose so I'm going to burn all my bridges and tell all the stories I've always wanted to tell" list.

      Delete
  32. So what if you were to change the names and spill the beans on the chilli story? Not like any of us on other continents would know who you were speaking of anyways...

    Now that you mentioned it- you have to dish up. Let's hear it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nup, sorry, it's going to stay safely locked up in the dark recesses of my computer.

      Delete
  33. On one hand I am intrigued by this chili story...on the other, maybe I don't want to know too much!

    Interesting start to the challenge! Looking forward to reading more!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're probably right, it probably would verge on overshare if I told it.

      Delete
  34. Write under a pen name from a different country? Too funny. There must be a solution. I can see you are having fun in the a-z! Great start!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe I should translate it to another language! But then you'd have to all learn that language too ... and even worse, I'd have to learn it!

      Delete
  35. I don;t think the chili would be offended though, so go for it!

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    Replies
    1. I think the chilli would either be mortally offended, or not give a rats. It was that sort of chilli.

      Delete
  36. What a cleverly written post! I'm doing a collaborative story for the Challenge on my blog, so if you want to stop by and add to the story in the comments, I hearby officially give you full artistic license to write whatever amazing stuff you want! =)

    And I agree with all the other comments about this story you can't share... now I'm dying to read it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL! Tempting offer, but I think I'll protect my backside and leave it in it's dark corner of my computer.

      Delete
  37. Is that one of those situations where names are changed to protect the innocent? Or would it a fictionalized dramatization "based on a true story"? I know, let it carry one of those disclaimers that says any similarities to real people or actual events is purely coincidental. LOL I must admit though, chili, sex and a wager piques my curiosity. ;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL! No, I think I'll play it safe and leave it locked away.

      Delete
  38. I don't give a rat's ass about going all-out and tell-all when it comes to my family. I don't go naming all the guilty parties, of course...not that it would matter if I did. The only family who has actually read my blog (and I use the term "family" very loosely) hate my guts regardless of what I do or don't write, so what the hell, right?!

    You do know how to make someone salivate for a story, Kellie!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It does seem to have caused a bit of a stir. I wonder if it was the sex that got everyone so worked up, or if it was the chilli.

      Delete
  39. Well, now that you have our attention! I love it--and would love to know the whole story, but probably not nearly as much as your friends who are all thinking, "She's talking about ME!" Ha.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's quite likely. I'm sure I'll get a few questions about it.

      Delete
  40. Oh no - that sounds so interesting, how sad you can't use it but we all completely understand why. Friends, family and pets before blogging :)

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    Replies
    1. Absolutely ... until there's a sponsorship deal on the table, of course. At which point, it's every blogger for herself, family and friends be damned ;P

      Delete
  41. Being able to conjure from the ether is only part of being an artist. The rest is being able to recognize the art in the world around you.

    I understand that your friends may try to have you killed. However, risk as also part of art. Live free. Shout the truth from the mountaintops. Rest knowing that if you do die, you will not have done so without sharing sexy chili laughs with the world.

    Do the right thing, Kellie.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're right, I'm being selfish. What's my safety, my wellbeing and my peace of mind compared to all of you getting to hear an amusing sex/chilli story. I'm so ashamed.

      Delete
    2. It's okay. We all make mistakes. The important thing is to learn from them.

      Delete
  42. Talk about writer's freedom of expression!!

    :D

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  43. I've been doing this a lot in my writing too, and at first, I tried to stop myself. But then I realized that allowing myself that freedom, opened the door of my imagination, and new, exciting things came forth. :D

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  44. Can't the names be changed to protect the guilty? :)
    Popping in for AtoZ - great start

    auntyamo
    http://ficticiousamo.wordpress.com/

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete