Monday, April 29, 2013

Y is for Youth: or, I reject your reality and replace it with my own...

April A-Z Topic:  Youth

Well, it's official, I'm old.

Wrinkly, ancient, and positively geriatric! I know I'm only thirty mumble, but apparently I'm an old fogey, about two years older than god. Want to know how I know this?

Because they didn't even WANT to see my ID at the casino the other night.

I went out with some friends and in the course of our journey we ended up at the casino (gotta love cheap daiquiris). Everyone got carded. Everyone! Even the freaking 45 year old got carded. But when I pulled out my licence, the guy looked me in the eye, smiled pityingly, and waved me through with a condescending "don't worry about it".

It's official, I'm ancient. Pretty soon guys I find attractive in a young sort of way will start to call me "Ma'am" and hold doors open for me. Not that I have anything against guys who hold doors open, I'm all for that! I just don't want them calling me Ma'am while they do it.

Actually, there are two exceptions to that rule. They can call me Ma'am if they have a Southern American drawl and tip a Stetson hat (real or imaginary) while they say it, or during a carefully negotiated sex game. Otherwise, absolutely not!

Damned club door guy. Why couldn't he just look at my card? Humour me? I don't need this nervous breakdown, I've already had my quota for this year!

Well, next time I'm going to make him look at it! I'll force him to! How dare he interrupt my illusions of youth.

If he doesn't, I'll beat him up with my zimmer frame!

72 comments:

  1. I once was looking for a discman at Target and the teenage sales boy was like "What's that? Is that like, a cd player you can walk around with? Well, here they are...ma'am."
    Grrr.
    If it makes you feel any better, I totally would've carded you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I wanted to kiss the lady at the grocery store who carded me as I bought RumChata. When will they all get it? Happy customers = carded customers. And you don't look a day over 12.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you ... I think. If I remember 12 wasn't a good age for me appearance wise.

      Delete
  3. At airport security they mistook my sister for my daughter. She's less than 3 years younger than me. :( I feel your pain.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It should be a rule that if someone calls your sister your daughter, you're allowed to slap 'em.

      Delete
  4. I do not handle aging well too. I freaked out when I turned 30 last year. Why God WHY?? Why are you doing this to us??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's obviously some sort of divine retribution for past life transgresions.

      Delete
  5. Whenever I go anywhere where IDs are involved, I shove my ID in the person's face and make them check it. Just to make sure I don't suffer an ego blow.

    Also, I looked in the mirror the other day and noticed wrinkles that I SWEAR were not there a few months ago. Heavy sigh.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I should have done that! If I just rushed up there and shoved it in his face, I could have then told myself his refusal was because he'd already seen it!

      Delete
  6. ha ha ha I am thirty mumble and the other day some one asked me "are you sixteen years old?" LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. To be fair, most people think I'm younger than I am. It was just that door guy. Bloody door guy!

      Delete
  7. Look! Seriously; you've got this all wrong! (And probably some of your friends do, too.)

    You are young until you are 80. After that, you are venerable. There is no stage in the process called "old." Have you got that, or do I have to explain it again?

    Blessings and Bear hugs!
    Bears Noting
    Life in the Urban Forest (My poetry blog)

    ReplyDelete
  8. I always refer to women as ma'am. I think several years working in the service industry will do that to you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe that's it. I've never worked in the service industry so I was never forced to call anyone ma'am.

      Delete
  9. I hope he didn't offer to help you in!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, and if he'd offered to get a wheelchair I would have slugged him!

      Delete
  10. I have this illness where I can't get in the sun without slathering on sunscreen and wearing a giant hat, all that to say that I aged pretty well without the sun sucking out all of the youth from my skin. That is until I turned 40, now it's like my skin is melting. WTF!?

    Side note: I just posted a list for the "Very Inspiring Blogger" award. You're so on it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Did you check your skin's "best before" date? Maybe that's why it's melting ;D

      Delete
  11. You said 'freaking'. You're safe :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL! I said freaking because I try not to use the alternative too much. I want it to have real impact when I do decide to pull it out and polish it off.

      Delete
  12. Yeah.... strike that. You're still lucky. They always want to see my ID just to be sure I'm not too old to be let in.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I get carded occasionally at the grocery store when I'm buying beer for my husband. They have a policy in place that if a person looks like they could be younger than 50, they must card. I'm not sure if I'm insulted or relieved.

    ReplyDelete
  14. There is a giant sign at our grocery store at each checkout that says they card anyone who looks 40 or younger. They never card me. Not once. I am giving my ego a break and assuming they look at me and my brood and simply say, "I don't care if she's only 20, she needs a drink."
    As for your case, give your ego a break, too. I'm sure it was just a lazy bouncer who only looks at a few of the cards when a group enters, and figures if a few are over 21, then the rest must be, too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sure that's it. After all, with that many kids you definitely deserve a drink!

      Delete
  15. Oh to be 30 something again. I dread the day they ask if I get a senior discount.

    Rhonda @Laugh Quotes

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't know, my mum is having fun with the senior discounts.

      Delete
  16. how dare they!! don't they know they are supposed to ask women for their ID no matter how old we are??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's what I thought! How hard would it be, I was right there with card in hand!

      Delete
  17. I'm trying to picture what sort of "carefully orchestrated sex game" could involve the use of "ma'am". Don't be ashamed, own your age, for with it comes grace and beauty for which youth is a poor substitute.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aww, equal parts insightful and pervy ... that's just like you, Pickleope.

      Delete
  18. I think you should start dressing your mutton as lamb, dear. Get some skimpy, tight, revealing clothes and dress like you're a teenager. Act like one too. THAT will make everything okay.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ooh, fishnets! Those really short sparkly skirts!

      Delete
  19. I rarely ever go into a liquor store, but a few years ago (I was closing in on 50) I had to buy some liqueur for a recipe and asked if he wanted to see my ID. No, he said. It really did make me feel old. :(

    The worst faux pas for that, however, was one day my husband and I were at Golden Corral and the waitress asked him if he wanted the senior discount. When he said no, she said "It starts at 55! He was about 40 at the time, but since he grayed early he has a distinguished (but NOT old) look to him. HE was MORTIFIED!! It affected him for months after, and we haven't gone back to Golden Corral even ONCE!
    tm

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL! Oh well, at least the senior discounts are good money saving options.

      Delete
  20. Ouch. "Don't worry about it" just seems to add so much sting.

    When my wife turned 21 we celebrated by taking her to a casino. The guy didn't card either of us. My wife was looking forward to her first time being carded, so she asked if he wanted to see her ID. The guy half-assedly grumbled, "No, you both look over 21. Go in."

    It may not be that they think you're ancient. They may just not care.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was just offended that everyone else got carded. It was like they were singling me out, even though I know they probably just got tired of checking by the time they got to me.

      Delete
  21. Found you through Julie You Jest! I was offended yesterday when I wasn't carded but everyone else was :(

    ReplyDelete
  22. Oh honey, so sorry! The sad part is that I was actually carded for the first time in 10 years when I went to buy vodka this weekend. I squealed a little and said, "I'm sure it's your policy to card everyone, but I have to say you just made my day." He even played along and said, "No, I just wanted to make sure you were old enough." If there had been a tip jar, he most assuredly would have gotten a fiver.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Oh, Kellie! How I love your posts! :) I am going to be 44 this August and my first "I'm old" moment came when I was at the eye doctor's office a few years ago and he told me, "Well, you *are* getting to that age." I almost kicked him in his man-bits. It's only gotten worse since. I, too, have experienced the sad moment when I go to pull out my ID and am given the "don't worry about it" head shake. I also finally gave in and use reading glasses, but I am going to resist bi-focals for as long as is practicable. Bi-focals?!?!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If there's a list of things that should never be said to a woman, then that's definitely at the top of it!

      Delete
  24. Hahahaha! So you didn't get carded. There are worse things that can happen.... Like being asked if you will be dining off of the senior menu???? That one will piss you off. Believe me on this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. True ... although I do love a good money saving deal.

      Delete
  25. thirty-mumble. Excellent age description. I'm stealing it.

    ReplyDelete
  26. The last time I was carded I was forty and in a convenience store buying glue to build a model for my son. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Ha ha, what a total jerk! He should have looked at your dang ID! And, God, I hate when people call me maam. I agree, if it's a southern boy, fine, but otherwise it is about near the ugliest word I can hear. Do those whipper snappers not realize how offensive it is? Do they think I am too addle-brained to understand? Well, now you've gone and gotten me all fired up :)

    ReplyDelete
  28. A guy recently asked my little sister whilst we were out shopping, (points to me) Is that your mum?
    My little sister is twenty-two!! Grievous bodily harm, was almost caused that day. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL! See, questions like that are just requests to get punched.

      Delete
  29. Maybe he thought you were young and let you slide with all your older friends ;) I still love hearing Jasper Hale (Twilight) say Maam in the Twilight movies ::: mmmm :::: Even here in GA i don't hear that often enough, maybe should move to Texas or something? :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh yeah, he can call me ma'am any time he likes ;D

      Delete
  30. This happened to my friend when we went out to dinner not too long ago. I got IDed and she didn't. I spent the evening mocking her... Because I'm a good friend.

    Hugs!

    Valerie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's not the actions of a good friend ... that's the actions of a best friend ;P

      Delete
  31. hmmmm, what is the wattle? Thanks for your visit to my little portion of blog-ville.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wattle is a type of flower we have here. It's these big bunches of little yellow pompoms and it's one of my favourite flowers.

      Delete
  32. When I worked with kids I'd always get either a "Wow, you're old" or an "I didn't think you were THAT old" when they'd ask my age. And here I thought I was still young.

    ReplyDelete
  33. When I turned 21 I went out to the nearest alcohol store, grabbed a 6 pack and proudly toted it to the front of the store. Never. Even. Got. Carded. Talk about feeling betrayed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There should be a rule, I think, that they card everyone regardless. That would save our delicate egos.

      Delete
  34. It's just because he didn't think your forty year old friends would be hanging out with someone underage...ma'am! (p.s.from a forty mumble, you are a youngster)

    ReplyDelete
  35. It's been a long time since anyone asked me for my ID. They've even stopped asking my older adult children for theirs. So if you are an old fogey, I must be practically dead!

    ReplyDelete
  36. I've never been asked for an id but don't think I look that old and I'm nearly hitting 40!

    ReplyDelete
  37. Aww Kellie, I'll swap with you. I am 30-mumble too and even though my hair has started going gray I still get carded. The last time she looked at me, at my id, back at me and did the math again and still thought I may have been lying about my age. I don't look THAT young.

    ReplyDelete