Monday, April 8, 2013

G is for God: or, praise the lord and pass the remote...

April A-Z Topic:  God

I couldn't sleep the other night. I tossed and turned in my comfy bed, counted the little flowers on the underside of my patchwork quilt, and then finally just caved and admitted I probably wasn't going to fall back to sleep.

 So, another night of late night television it was!

I flicked through the channels and finally stopped when a voice exclaimed loudly about the saving power of Jesus Christ and how if I don't convert immediately, I'll spend forever being roasted on a pitchfork by a cheery little guy with horns in a red suit. Why not, I thought, I can always do with a laugh, so I kept watching.


TV Evangelist: ARE YOU READY TO REPENT YOUR SINS! 
Kellie: Ah, yeh, I don't see why not... 
TV Evangelist: ARE YOU READY TO TURN AWAY FROM YOUR LIFE OF EVIL AND EMBRACE WHAT IS RIGHT! 
Kellie: Well, life of evil is a bit strong... 
TV Evangelist: ARE YOU READY TO ACCEPT YOUR FAULTS, ADMIT YOUR SINS AND BE FORGIVEN BY JEEEEEEEESUS! 
Kellie: Actually, I don't believe in Jesus... 
TV Evangelist: BECAUSE ONLY JEEEEEEESUS HAS THE POWER TO SAVE YOUR SOUL FROM ETERNAL DAMNATION! 
Kellie: I guess that means eternal damnation for me then, doesn't it... 
TV Evangelist: TO SAVE YOU FROM THE PAIN, THE SORROW, AND THE TORTURE THAT ONLY THE DEVIL CAN INFLICT! 
Kellie: Interesting, cause I don't believe in him either... 
TV Evangelist: WHERE YOU WILL BURN IN THE PIT FIRES OF HELL, TORMENTED FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY! 
Kellie:  Wow ... tough crowd ...

This went on for a while, he argued and I counter argued, but nothing got resolved. I didn't convert to Christianity, he didn't admit that Paganism has it's good points too.

But I guess that's the problem with arguing with a television set ... it's very hard to get them to follow proper debating etiquette.

77 comments:

  1. I have a similar reaction to TV evangelists. They certainly make a good living scaring people. And it is difficult arguing with a television set. I've done it before, and I wound up looking like a crazy person!

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    1. LOL! I often argue with the television and I've yet to win a fight, but then the TV hasn't won one either.

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  2. Oh, the good ol tv evangelist. I can never figure out how they convert anyone with all the ranting and raving. If you read the bible, Jesus did not act like that. He was calm and quiet, and he simply talked. Why wouldn't they want to emulate the person they are supposedly following?

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    1. I'm guessing it's got a lot more to do with money than it does with God.

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  3. I recall an old song from WW2 ...Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. On TV evangelists, guilt is a strong motivation to send MONEY.
    Manzanita
    wanna buy a duck

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    1. Quite frankly, anyone who sends those guys money deserves to lose their cash!

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  4. We actually watched a movie this weekend - religulous that you might enjoy. Okay, really it was just The Polish Guy watching it while I twittered, but the parts I caught sounded like they were slamming some of the televangelists.

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  5. Yeah the late night ones are the worst. I think sleep deprivation and fear work in their favor. On the flip side if nothing else they are quite entertaining if you can get beyond the fear mongering.

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    1. Quite frankly, anyone who is gullible enough to send their money probably deserves to lose their cash.

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  6. Not many arguments are won or lost with a TV. At least not in my experience.

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  7. I'm a believer, yet I don't identify with Christianity. There's just too much hypocrisy, and not enough people living good happy lives.
    So anyways, TV Evangelists give me nightmares.

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    1. I'm a Pagan to really the stuff the evangelists say doesn't phase me. Threatening me with hell is like threatening me with aliens. I don't believe in either.

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  8. Kellie,

    I don't identify with TV evangelists either. But...

    You said, "Actually, I don't believe in Jesus..." and "Interesting, cause I don't believe in him (the devil) either..." You must know I do believe because you've been reading my blog.

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    1. I'm a Pagan, so the philosophies are quite different, but the basic concepts seem to be the same. Do unto others for Christians, the rule of three for Pagans. It all pretty much boils down to the same thing, be nice to each other :D

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  9. Sounds like you won this round. After all, you walked away satisfied and he was still shouting after you. Love this post, I am a new follower.

    Rhonda @Laugh-Quotes.com
    Visiting from AtoZ #41

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  10. This was so funny, I am surprised you didn't fall asleep. how do they think they could convert anyone with shouting at them, i sure do not respond well to shouting.

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    1. I'm not sure either. I have no idea why anyone would send them anything.

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  11. I am a Christian and a minister, but I can't stand those TV evangelists. They make us look so bad.

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    1. I do believe that if you want a church, you have to be willing to pay for it, but evangelists like that on TV are just taking advantage in my opinion. Besides, there's got to be a better way than yelling like a maniac to a TV camera.

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  12. Now why did you have to go and lump an innocent, funny squirrel in like that? Putting him in there with TV evangelists is just mean. The only thing a squirrel might yell is for you to give him the darn acorn.

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    1. Maybe evangelist squirrel accepts payment in acorns ;D

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  13. I really dislike TV evangelism. It leaves me cold.

    Kellie, do you mean that you believe in Jesus as a person but not a deity? I looked up paganism and the rule of three. Interesting :)

    Lol - I like your little squirrel!

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    1. It's an interesting question, made even more interesting by the fact that I studied Ancient History and Archaeology at Uni. I'm not sure whether I believe that Jesus the person ever existed. I know that there are a lot of similar stories of virgin births and "dying to save humankind" from that time period and even earlier, it's just that the Jesus story is the one that took off while the others died. It really doesn't matter what I believe though. Hell, I believe in magic, which I know most people think is ridiculous. Each to their own, I guess.

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    2. It matters to you what you believe :)

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  14. Did you try arguing with him about how it's probably not very holy of him to have a spray tan and hyper-quaffed hair and more jewelry than Mr. T circa 1988?

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    1. Thank you! I seriously LOL'ed at work because of this. So much truth in that.

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    2. And the polyester suit was definitely sinful!

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  15. I once was dragged to a church that was like the live action version of this. First off, church was 3 hours long. The first 2 hours was singing. What is this, a musical? Secondly, the pastor decided he was going to "slay" everyone in the spirit. That's where they grab your forehead dramatically, scream a little, and then you fall to the ground and start seizing like mad. When they came to me, well, I didn't feel a thing (and especially not like falling over), so they just had me sit in the corner. Seriously.

    "You think about what you did, young man, until Jesus comes and makes you violently seizure."

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    1. Ooh, I've been to one of those! Four hours of what I quickly came to realise was subtle hypnotism, a room full of people laying on the floor, then just me and the preacher left. I got treated similarly, only instead of being sent to the corner, they left me in the chair I was sitting in and all went to the front of the room for the group hug. All the better to exclude me I guess.

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  16. Look at it this way.....at least you didn't spend a bucket load of money on something you didn't need from watching an infomercial! :)

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    1. True. One of these days I'm going to get up in the morning and realise that I bought a SharkVac in the middle of the night!

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  17. Even as a Christian, I hang my head in shame regarding Evangelists. They are the epitome of evil. They scare or guilt people into sending money.

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    1. I believe in people paying for a church if they want it to exist, but evangelists just seem to be taking advantage.

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  18. A life of evil?!?! Watching late night tv in bed does sound pretty risque I guess. They really know their target audience!

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    1. Yep, I'm guessing the sleep deprivation works in their favour.

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  19. I once won an argument with an episode of M.A.S.H. I don't remember what it was about, just that I won.

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    1. Did it have anything to do with Klinger? Because I imagine any argument I had with MASH would be about him.

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  20. I'll save you a seat in hell...I hear Lucifer makes a kick-ass potato salad for the weekly picnic held on the shores of the River Styx

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  21. But what was this preacher's solution for finding Jeeeeeeesus? 'Cause I'm betting it involved sending him a big fat check.

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    1. Yep. It's all about the cash. Salvation for a buck.

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  22. Squirrels are getting into televangelism? Nuts!

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  23. That evangelist should take a lesson from the squirrel: Don't be a nut - just eat them!

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    1. LOL! At least Evangelist Squirrel is only asking for nuts, not dollars.

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  24. LOL! We don't have TV evangelists in the UK, but I remember being fascinated by them when I went to visit my family in Canada.
    I wonder if I can find some on You Tube...? ;-)

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    1. Oh, I'm sure you can find heaps of them on Youtube. They're amusing, I must admit.

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  25. OMG! They are rather funny when you watch with a different perspective aren't they? You should fear God, but he is all loving and forgiving... Okay so which is it? You can't have both. Can you?

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    1. I don't think logic is high on their list of priorities ;D

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  26. Visiting from the link up. I'm also hosting one this Thursday April 11. Show me your favorite Spring Trend. HOpe you can join. I'm also doing a giveaway for a $300 gift card to Gap. Check it out.

    Agi:)

    vodkainfusedlemonade.com

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  27. Loved your argument. My mom was raised Pentecostal and I had plenty of opportunities to attend their incredible services. Most times, I felt like I was stuck in an hour long carnival act directed by a used car salesman as often as the collection plate went around. After I tossed in the first dollar, I just started passing it along. And was immediately greeted with appalled and disgusted looks from those around me and the preacher. When I pointed out that he was wearing a $5000 rolex and I had to buy my underwear at Walmart, I was invited to miss the next 30 years of services. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to bring the marshmallows when I show up at the BBQ in the fire pits of hell. ;)

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    1. LOL! I remember being tricked into going to a revival meeting once. Wow, that was the longest four hours of my life!

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  28. Hahaha! Well it looks like a life of BURNING IN THE PIT FIRES OF HELL, TORMENTED FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY, for me then. :)

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  29. Replies
    1. He wants you to send in your acorns to save your soul!

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  30. Maybe next time you should stick to the late-night infomercials! LOL.

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  31. Good thing you watched, good blog fodder! See, if there WAS a god, then he/she would surely smite these tele-creeps?

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    1. LOL! Ah, they're harmless enough I suppose. The way I see it, if someone is silly enough to send them money, they probably deserve to lose it.

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  32. "Hey there, You've done an excellent job. I will certainly digg it and personally recommend to my friends. I am confident they will be benefited from this web site."

    and you thought Spam didn't visit you in English!

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    1. LOL! Yep, I'm attracting quite the plethora of spam these days. I'm not sure what that says about my blog, whether it's a good thing or a bad thing.

      Either way though, those spammers could use a good hard spanking for all the annoyance they cause, and I'd be delighted to give it to them!

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  33. I'm a born-again Christian and those guys on TV scare me.

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    1. I'd say those guys on TV have less to do with Christianity than they do with filling their greedy little pockets.

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  34. When I was living in the collage dorms, I noticed that the they had blocked all of the religious stations, but none of the adult ones. Which was really, really odd. I guess they didn't think anymore of them then we did.

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    1. Really? Well that's interesting ... and lucky for the students I suppose! It probably reduced the chances of their computers getting viruses from questionable websites.

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  35. It's awful how they scare people into sending money to them. I'm visiting from the A to Z and will be back. Just the name of your blog would do it for me.

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  36. Well, if we go to hell, at least we will be in good company.

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  37. I live in a hotel and Sunday mornings mean that there are church services (For HOURS) here. The newest thing is that they have a choir singing "Amen, Amen, AAAAMMMMENNN" after the preacher/pastor guy preaches on. I can't hear the guy, but the choir allowed for endless amusements.

    "Honey, we should totally get a pet alpaca. It would love me."
    "Amen, Amen, AAAAMMMEENNN."

    Now I just need to find a tele-evangelist to complete my Sundays!!!

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    1. Ooh, that has so many possibilities!

      "I'm the most awesome person in the world"
      "AAAMMMEEENNN"

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  38. Loved this post. My husband argues with the tv all the time, but mostly during football season. He rarely, if ever, wins on that one either.

    I'm amazed you watched as long as you did. Sounds like me watching three episodes of "Sex in the City" when I was sick. Wasn't sure what or why I was watching (still don't get what people saw in that show) but I was too tired to change the channel.

    Hi from Nagzilla bloghopping A to Z

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