Thursday, July 5, 2012

Will nobody think of the teddy bears...

I don't think it's any secret by now that I love weird news articles.  Honestly, the weirder the better, as far as I'm concerned.  If we can't enjoy the lunacy of our fellow man, then what's the point of this kooky shindig we call life, hey?

But even I did a bit of a double take over this article.

According to this one, a 28 year old man was arrested for fiddling with himself in public.  I know, hardly an eyebrow raiser in this morally depraved age.  I'm sure hundreds of people are arrested for the very same thing every week.  In fact, I work in a public library, so I'm fairly sure if I checked with security I'd find out that someone had been chucked out in the past week for doing the five knuckle shuffle somewhere on our premises.  But the difference with this guy?  Well, it lay in what he used to pleasure himself.

Apparently he has now been arrested not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES for masturbating in public with a teddy bear.  Yes, you heard me right.  A teddy bear!

My childhood is starting to look rather sordid in hindsight.

The first time he was caught showing teddy a good time in a public library (see, I told you), after which he was ordered to stay away from libraries in the area.  He must have taken that to mean he was okay to do it in other places, because he was arrested again about nine months later, and then nine months after that!  Each and every time he was caught using a stuffed bear as a masturbatory aid.

Hmm, I'm seeing a pattern here.  Every nine months, he feels compelled to get freaky with a stuffed animal in a public place.  Maybe it's some sort of gypsy curse?  Kind of like lycanthropy, but instead of getting hairy and howling at the moon you get the sudden urge to hump something fluffy?

Perhaps someone should clue him in to the whole Furries community.  There's a whole lot of people out there who'd like nothing more than to dress up like a teddy bear (and other miscellaneous furred creatures) and get funky.  He might actually get to have sex with a human being, and think of all the innocent stuffed animals that'd be saved the trauma!

Generally speaking, I'm very much a live-and-let-live kind of gal, but even I have my limits!  He can do what he wants to himself, but to abuse a poor defenceless stuffed animal like that!  What about the teddy bears!  Will nobody think of the teddy bears!

20 comments:

  1. I just want to know why he feels the need to do it in public. That's why he hasn't explored the furry option. I don't think any of them are like, "Why yes, I'd love to jerk you off on a bus." But I could be wrong.

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    1. Well if you don't ask, you'll never know! Perhaps there's a whole bunch of furries out there just waiting for someone to ask to fondle them in a public building.

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  2. He really should think of doing these things in the privacy of his own home. If he needs an audience, he could always find people to come over and watch. All he needs to do is put an ad out on the internet, and his fellow weirdos will flock to him.

    A teddy bear, though? If I knew him, I wouldn't be letting him anywhere near my kids' toy box ever again.

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    1. You're right of course, that's the whole reason Craigslist was invented.

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  3. The five knuckle shuffle??? Hahaha! Love it. What I wanna know is if he's monogamous with his bear.

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    1. You know, I don't think the police reports indicated whether it was the same bear :D

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  4. Go see the Hollywood movie "Ted" when it opens in Australia -- you'll never see Teddy Bears the same way again! It's hilarious!

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    1. I've seen the trailer for that! It certainly looks interesting. I bet this guy would find it difficult to get away with those shenanigans if that was the bear he was trying it on with.

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  5. Why does every body blame the bear, did the bear lead him on?

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    1. Saucy bear! Shaking it's furry tail! He was practically asking for it.

      I can't believe I actually just wrote that O.O

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  6. There was an episode of Taboo on Nat Geo, that had all these bizarro people that were in love with inatimate objects. There was a woman that was, no lie, in love with the Berlin Wall. She would stand by old sections of the Berlin wall and whisper to it and stroke it. And lest you think it was non-sexual, she also made up mini replicas of the wall and would sleep with them. So awesome, huh?

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    1. Holy crap, now that would be something to see! Of course, I've already confessed to being in love with my iPad ... but then I've known all along that ours is a forbidden love.

      *strokes iPad with finger*

      Shush, baby, it doesn't matter what they say. We know our love is real.

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  7. I'll ignore the teddy bear bit because I don't even know what to make of that, but what is it about men and masturbating in public. I could be wrong, but I don't think a woman has ever done that. I'll look into it.

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    1. Hmm, I've never thought about it before. I've never felt the urge, but maybe that's just because it's not one of MY kinks. I wouldn't want to talk for all of womankind on the matter.

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  8. I once saw a porno with people dressed up as teddy bears. I still have nightmares.

    LEAVE TEDDY ALONE!! Bastards.

    Hugs!

    Valerie

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    Replies
    1. As they say, for every weird fetish out there, the internet has a video of it!

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  9. A very nice informational blog. Keep on making such important blog post. Your work is really being appreciated by someone. valentines teddy bear

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  10. I'm offended by what you think the furry fandom is.
    We do not have sex in teddy bear costumes. Fursuits can cost thousands of dollars and making such a mess in a fursuit would cost alot to either clean or just replace. It would be like throwing thousands of dollars into a flame. The furry fandom is NOT some sex-crazed animal fetish. We are simply people who like anthropomorphic animals. So do you're research before you blindly follow a group of lemmings which are doomed to die.
    I'd recommend you watch the video below.
    https://youtu.be/0BoWxqJ7GWs

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