An old fashioned gent...

So yesterday we discussed what all good wives should know to maintain a happy marriage, which I think we can all agree was a roaring success.  I'm sure marriages everywhere are just a little more secure right now thanks to the efforts of Ms Ebbutt.

But today it's the turn of husbands everywhere to ponder the pearls of wisdom from "Don'ts for Husbands".  Like it's companion, this little volume strives to give a detailed list of "what not to do" for the man of the house!

Lets take a look at a few of them.

Don't be irritated now by the childish ways in your wife that amused you so much in your fiancee.  She will grow out of them soon enough.

Now guys, you know we girls are are just so immature and flighty.  There's no point getting upset about it.  When we do something silly and childish, just shake your heads in amused frustration and brush it off with "Oh, you dear, foolish little thing.  Why don't you go buy yourself something pretty".  After all, nothing distracts us so well as something bright and shiny.

Do not object to a servant on the score of her looks.  Your wife will take care not to engage a pretty maid if she suspects you of undue interest in her appearance.

Another valuable piece of advice!  If you want your wife to hire that saucy bit of crumpet, whatever you do make sure you don't tell her you think the girl's cute.  Your extramarital affair opportunities will be nonexistant if you don't learn how to use reverse psychology.

Don't say your wife wastes time in reading, even if she reads only fiction.  Help her to choose good fiction, and let her forget her little worries for an hour occasionally in reading of the lives of others.

Oh those silly little women, frittering away their spare time by reading *gasp* novels!  I know it can be galling to have to allow it, but just remember to subtly censor what they read.  After all, it's for their own good.  Women can't be allowed to choose their own reading material, heaven only knows what they'd end up selecting!

Don't pet your wife when her little finger aches until she imagines herself a martyr to ill health, when there is really nothing the matter with her.  Don't encourage her to be hysterical.  You need not be unkind, but you can firmly refuse to pity her.

So dramatic, these women.  Always assuming they're dying or some such nonsense.  Surely they should be able to soldier through that attack of meningitis and still have your dinner on the table when you get home!  Just because they took themselves to their bed with pneumonia, is that any excuse for not having the carpet vacuumed?  No, you want to nip that in the but right away!

Well, gentlemen, that should be enough to show you how to keep your marriages on track!  Just make sure to patronise your wives, make sure your cheating is discreet, control what she reads and show absolutely no sympathy when she's ill.  It's guaranteed, or your money back!