Friday, July 13, 2012

Immortal possums on the loose...

Today at work we had a death on the premises.

No, it wasn't one of our clients, no little old ladies dropping off from a "Fifty Shades of Grey" induced heart attack.  It wasn't an employee either, although I'm sure several of them have gambled with their lives among the electric compactus.  Have you ever used one of those things?  They're terrifying if you don't have your wits about you!

The death was of a possum that's been living in the parking lot under the building since we moved in about six years ago.

Yeah they're cute ...
until they're making a
racket on your roof!
It turns out he'd slipped while running along a pipe in the roof and had managed to partially decapitate himself on the sharp edge.  The poor little fellow had then proceeded to leave such a mess of  ... well, I'll leave it up to your imagination ... on the floor below and it was blocking people from the loading area.  

And they say life in the library isn't glamorous.

I know it must sound like I'm incredibly cold hearted to be talking about it so glibly, but you have to understand that seeing a dead possum is hardly a novelty to anyone who lives in Australia.  Hell, I saw three of them while driving to work this morning.

Of all the Australian animals, they're the ones that adapted.  They ate our rubbish, built nests in our homes, and multiplied like rabbits.  They're, quite literally, everywhere, and it'd be a rare sight to drive even fifteen minutes without seeing one taking a little "nap" on the side of the road.

When I heard about it I have to confess my first thought was "Hmm, I wonder if this has any connection to the fact that the possum was pissing on all the company cars every night.  Accident?  I think not!"  Then I sat there for a few minutes and wondered exactly whose personal assistant was currently sitting in their office, cleaning possum blood off their letter opener.

But then I remembered, I work in a library.  We're not exactly a "hands on" bunch of people.  I don't think any of them could kill a possum.  I'm not saying they wouldn't want to, just that they couldn't.

Then I started to wonder if maybe it wasn't some sort of possumesque Highlander thing.  Maybe it was an immortal possum (it had been alive for a really long time), and another immortal possum came along and chopped it's head off!  Maybe they're all actually immortal and after I pass their squashed little bodies on the side of the road they rise up again!  It'd certainly explain why there are so many of the little buggers.

So if you see a possum wandering around with a Scottish accent and a ruddy great sword, stay out of it's way.  After all, there can be only one.

24 comments:

  1. First of all, I LOVE The Highlander. Secondly, I detest possums. They've gotten bold in and around our town and they are truly hideous creatures. Much like the raccoon that got in to my house a few weeks ago. DIE VARMIN!

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    1. I don't particularly want them to die, I'd just settle for them not galloping across my tin roof at two in the morning like a herd of elephants!

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  2. I have no feelings whatsoever for possums, but it still seems kind of sad to me :(

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    1. There were definitely some sad faces in the library. It'd been there for so long.

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  3. Those little buggers. They remind me of squirrels, which get into my attic in the winter and try to make a nest. We rednecks get after 'em with a 22 and take care of those pesky rodents.

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    1. Projectile weaponry is frowned upon in the library, especially if it's being handled by a civil servant.

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  4. Hilarious post! Not for the possum, of course, but still.

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    1. No, his day was decidedly less amusing than ours.

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  5. Was it truly dead or just playing possum? :D

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    1. Oh, interesting question. If he was, he was pretty good at it.

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  6. Why are your possums cuter than ours? Ours have really long snouts and look like giant, furry rats.

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    1. Different species, I'm afraid. Ours are marsupials like kangaroos.

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  7. Aww poor little possum!! I had a pet hedge hog a few years back that looked surprisingly like a possum. Cute little guys :)

    Electric compass? What is that?!

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    1. An electric compactus. It's a moveable set of book shelves that all shut flush to save space, but you can move them so you can access the books. The electric ones are notorious for closing on people while they're still inside.

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  8. Indeed... There can be only one. RIP lil guy!!!

    Hugs!

    Valerie

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    1. He died bravely, doing what he loved ... pooping on things.

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  9. That was cleaver... I didn't know they multiply like that, by why not, right? Fun read!!!!

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  10. possums are popular here; there's never a trip we take where we see at least one or more squished in the middle of the road. We had a baby one in the backyard one time; it came up to the back door, I looked outside, I had no idea what it was, I thought it was a rat, but then I realized it didn't have a rat's face, hubby said "possum". The dog didn't like that it was invading his back yard and I think chased it away; we never saw it again.....

    betty

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    1. I've got a family of them living under my bathtub. The cat sits in the tub and taps from above while they tap from below.

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  11. Nice post. I left you something on mine, come pick it up.

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  12. I don't even know what Highlander is, but I laughed, and laughed. Maybe because this is all about a possum, which are just hilarious. Those faces, a girl can't help herself when looking at those faces.

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    1. I know, they look so cute, but really they're tough little mofos!

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