Kellie: So, Gypsy, what shall we do tonight, hmm?
Gypsy the feline dictator: Foolish human! Why do you ask such questions! Bring me chicken, immediately!
Kellie: Aww, are you hungry, sweetie? Okay, let’s get you some dinner.
*Grabs the dry food and fills the bowl*
Gypsy the feline dictator: What is this! I demand raw meat, not this foul concoction! Do not make me angry, puny mortal!
Kellie: Not hungry after all? Never mind, I’m sure you’ll eat when you’re ready.
Gypsy the feline dictator: How dare you, you insignificant creature! One night you’ll forget to shut your bedroom door and I’ll eviscerate you in your sleep!
Kellie: Come on, let’s watch some TV. How about Star Trek?
*Turns on TV and starts show*
Gypsy the feline dictator: I swear to all that is unholy, as soon as I grow opposable thumbs, I’ll wreak my vengeance!
Kellie: Hmm, maybe not, let’s try some Doctor Who instead.
Gypsy the feline dictator: You worthless minion! I will express my displeasure with a warning! Feel the wrath of my mighty claws!
*Begins kneading the couch throw*
Kellie: Who’s a cute little kitty! You is … you is…
*Scritches Gypsy behind the ear*
Gypsy the feline dictator: I will not stand for these indignities! I demand respect, you imbecile … oh, that’s nice … yeah, just there … a bit lower … that’s right …
And this, my friends is what I’m convinced goes on inside my cat’s head pretty much 24/7. Honestly, I’ve never known a human who could beat her for contemptible looks! Seriously, if she could just work out how to use machinery, I’m relatively sure we’d be looking at a feline coup inside a week, max.