Saturday, July 14, 2012

Conversations with a feline dictator...

Kellie:  So, Gypsy, what shall we do tonight, hmm?

Gypsy the feline dictator:  Foolish human!  Why do you ask such questions!  Bring me chicken, immediately!

Kellie:  Aww, are you hungry, sweetie?  Okay, let’s get you some dinner.

*Grabs the dry food and fills the bowl*

Gypsy the feline dictator:  What is this!  I demand raw meat, not this foul concoction!  Do not make me angry, puny mortal!

Kellie:  Not hungry after all?  Never mind, I’m sure you’ll eat when you’re ready.

Gypsy the feline dictator:  How dare you, you insignificant creature!  One night you’ll forget to shut your bedroom door and I’ll eviscerate you in your sleep!

Kellie:  Come on, let’s watch some TV.  How about Star Trek?

*Turns on TV and starts show*

Gypsy the feline dictator:  I swear to all that is unholy, as soon as I grow opposable thumbs, I’ll wreak my vengeance!

Kellie:  Hmm, maybe not, let’s try some Doctor Who instead.

Gypsy the feline dictator:  You worthless minion!  I will express my displeasure with a warning!  Feel the wrath of my mighty claws!

*Begins kneading the couch throw*

Kellie:  Who’s a cute little kitty!  You is … you is…

*Scritches Gypsy behind the ear*

Gypsy the feline dictator:  I will not stand for these indignities!  I demand respect, you imbecile … oh, that’s nice … yeah, just there … a bit lower … that’s right …


And this, my friends is what I’m convinced goes on inside my cat’s head pretty much 24/7.  Honestly, I’ve never known a human who could beat her for contemptible looks!  Seriously, if she could just work out how to use machinery, I’m relatively sure we’d be looking at a feline coup inside a week, max.


24 comments:

  1. One of my cats looks at me like she just wants my love, 24 hours of the day. The other one looks at me like she's going to eat my eyeballs out while I sleep. But she's the one who snuggles up and purrs on my legs at night. I'm pretty sure if I slept with my eyes open I'd be in trouble.

    Since the kitties are mine now I went and got them way better food. No kitty of mine is gonna eat Purina One!

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    1. Oh, the diet is all important. I always say, if you're going to be responsible for cleaning up an animal's poop, you don't want to skimp on the quality of the food you feed it.

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  2. That is why I have a dog :)

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    1. LOL! I'd love a dog, but it took me five years to convince my landlady to let me get a cat. I can't imagine what I'd have to do to get permission for a dog!

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  3. Replies
    1. I know, they're just so wonderfully flawed, and they don't give a rats ass!

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  4. Gypsy sounds like a real little Kitler!

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  5. You need one of those Arab Awakening style dictator overthrowing in that house. Just go around with a water spritzer and the dictator shall mellow into a kitty for the people.

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    1. LOL! I tried that once, but it didn't work out the way I wanted it to. Her fur is so thick that she doesn't even seem to notice when I spray her, and she worked out after the first time all she has to do is turn away so it doesn't get on her face. She's clever. Evil, but clever.

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  6. Just another reason I will never have a cat. I get enough of those kinds of looks from people.

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    1. LOL! Very true. But she was so cute when she was a kitten. I guess that's how the suck you in.

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  7. My cat, Dora, is the queen of dirty looks. And nasty attitudes. I do fine, as long as I remember who is in charge.

    But the true royalty in my house is of the canine variety. I call him the Prince of Persia. He is actually more cat-like than my cats :)

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    1. There's always a hierarchy in a household. Gypsy and I are still battling that one out to work out who's at the top. I don't think it'll ever get resolved, I've had her for seven years now.

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  8. Replies
    1. I also imagine her voice is just like Kathleen Turners :D

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  9. I have been posting some cat humor posts hope you check them out, cats are so great they bring alot to our lives :}

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    1. They are adorable, aren't they! Every time I get annoyed by the fur all over the house, the scratched furniture and the "moth massacre" in the bathroom, I just take one look at that fuzzy face and melt.

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  10. I'm pretty sure your spot on. I have a wonderful cat we named Cuttles and I'm pretty sure she spent her entire life getting back at us for naming her that.

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    1. And they're experts at that, aren't they! Passive aggressive doesn't even begin to describe it!

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  11. I'm pretty sure this is just how cats view the world. It's vastly different with dogs.

    Dog's approach to humans:
    You feed me!
    You entertain me!
    You love me!
    You MUST be God!

    Cat's approach to humans:
    You feed me.
    You entertain me.
    You love me.
    I must be God!

    I'm pretty sure I saw this on a poster once...

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    1. LOL! That's a good one! I remember reading somewhere once that dogs come when called, but cats take a message and get back to you.

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  12. Now if you just painted her with a glow-in-the-dark substance, I believe that she'd make a worthy ally for Spawn.

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    1. I don't know, she doesn't share power very well ... although I might be able to talk her into it if Spawn is willing to be the behind-the-scenes mastermind to her Face of Pure Evil.

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