Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Deities do the craziest things...

I was reading an article today about how someone found a picture of Jesus on a toilet wall.  Isn't that just a charming thought!  Apparently the son of God hasn't go anything better to do than hang out in their loo, threat of E Coli be damned.  Now that's dedication to your wacky appearance schedule, Jesus!

Apparently the family whose wall the holy one has graced are just tickled pink.  Oh yes, the fact that a bunch of mould spores have gathered in such a way that it looks like Jesus is there  hand outstretched, looking a bit like he's trying to say something to them reaffirms their faith no end.  I can't help wondering what he's trying to tell them though ... perhaps that they need to clean their walls?  I'm just saying.

But it got me to thinking about how many times you hear of someone finding Jesus in the most unusual of places.  So, as a favour to you all (and to avoid the washing up, which is what awaits me once I stop procrastinating ... I mean writing) I've had a bit of a search around to find the most interesting and amusing Jesus sightings in inanimate objects.  I do it so you don't have to, kids!


Jesus in a dental x ray - Wow this one must suck.  You go to the dentist, fully prepared for an awful experience.  He sticks you under the x ray, takes the shots, and then when he brings them back to you, not only are you looking at some major root canals ... he found the messiah in your upper jaw!

It's bad enough that He gives you bad teeth, but he's got to stick around to rub it in too?





Jesus in a banana - Okay, now this is just taking the micky!  Jesus in a banana?  What next?  But I guess you learn something new every day.  It turns out Jesus is an excellent source of potassium and is delicious when served with hot custard.

Maybe it's just me, but the fact that there's a picture of a religous icon on a phallic piece of fruit ... well I could be giggling about that one for days.






Jesus in a frying pan - Now I'm going to have to call bullshit on this one.  There's no way this happened without human intervention!  And lets be honest, if it was really a picture of Jesus, it'd be of a middle eastern Jewish guy, not of caucasian dude who looks like he should be on a religious themed Christmas card!  


I'm just saying, if you were going to produce such an obvious fake, couldn't you at least have NOT picked a picture which I'm pretty sure is copywrited by The Vatican?




Jesus in a sonogram - Congratulations, it's a boy!  And it seems he might be the second coming!  Now this one is just terribly unfair, I think.  That's a lot of pressure to put on a poor unborn kid.  If it turns out he CAN'T turn water into wine or miraculously heal the sick, then everyone will say he's not living up to his potential.

Actually, the more I think about it, it's a pretty cruel thing for Jesus to do to him!  Bad form, Jesus!


Personally, I love the lunacy required to believe this.  Don't get me wrong, I'm all for believing in far fetched things.  I'm the first on any bandwagon going, but when they're such obvious fakes or coincidences, and people still put all their faith in them, I can't help thinking it's sad.  Amusing, but sad.

But the "Jesus found in an unusual place" picture that I like the best is this one.

It's always the last place you look.


24 comments:

  1. Great post! Lightened my day up! Now I only wish Jesus would visit my toilet!

    Jesus in a dental X-ray! Does that mean he's also in that guys jaw bone? Is everything he says blessed?

    Last picture was awesome! I'll never look at a lamp post the same way again!

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    1. I'm not sure I'd want Jesus anywhere near my toilet. Far too much performance anxiety associated with that.

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  2. It's all just a little weird . . .and a little irreverent :)

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  3. What worries me is how these people reacted afterwards. I'm betting that wall is never going to be cleaned again, or that frying pan for that matter. So unhygienic. And I hope that poor kid's parents don't really think he's the second coming.

    There have been times people take issue with the mildly bizarre things I believe, and they are usually the same people who will turn around and see signs like this in everything. Pointing out the hypocrisy, however, only makes matters worse. Believing there may be alien life out there is apparently insane. Thinking Jesus is living inside a bowl of ice cream apparently is not. I don't think I'll ever understand it.

    And yes. Always check behind the sofa first thing. Anything can be back there.

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    1. Exactly! I'm all for the amusement factor of seeing strange pictures in inanimate objects, but I'm not going to pray to a frying pan, no matter how much it looks like a photo of Jim Caviezel in Passion of the Christ.

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  4. What about the Jesus on the tortilla....or was that Elvis? Can't remember. But I'm going to check behind my couch here & make sure it's clear.....

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  5. This might be my favorite post of yours that I've read so far. Love the last line. Hilarious. :)

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    1. Thanks :D I'm glad you enjoyed it. I do like to let my ludicrous side out to play every now and then.

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  6. OK, I think I just peed myself laughing...

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    1. Oh dear ... well you can send the bill for the adult diapers to me.

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  7. I think that's George Harrison on that banana.

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    1. Oh my god, you're totally right!

      Wait, does that mean that George Harrison is the second coming of Jesus Christ?

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  8. Mother Teresa appeared on a cinnamon bun once, apparently. So it's not just Jesus doing those strange things!

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    1. It all seems a bit sketchy to me. If you need to appear in baked goods or on homeware surfaces to be considered omnipotent, then maybe you're doing it for the wrong reasons.

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  9. This would explain why I always rush whilst taking a poo... I feel like someone's watching me. Turns out it was Jesus the whole time.

    I'm gonna cut my pubes into a likeness of Jesus. Then sell the clippings on ebay. I'll make tens.

    Hugs!

    Valerie

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    1. That sounds like a solid money making scheme to me. Although do you really want a picture of Jesus "down there"? It could seriously curtail any naughty rumpty pumpty you plan on engaging in.

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  10. funny thing is why do they think this is Jesus they keep finding? There is no physical description anywhere listed about what Jesus looked like; Bible does list it, etc. So who exactly are all these people finding?

    betty

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    1. I'm not sure, but whoever he is he really needs to cut it out!

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  11. These folks must be a hoot during Rorschach ink blot tests...

    "And what do you see here?"
    "Jesus."

    "And this one?"
    "Jesus."

    "And in this one?"
    "Jesus. Well, Jesus with a dragon on his head."

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    1. Ah yes, the ever common Jesus with a dragon on his head. In fact, if historians are to believed, Jesus never went anywhere without a dragon somewhere on his person.

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  12. I dated someone who claimed he was saved by Jesus when his image appeared on his thigh while he bathed.

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    1. Wow, did he take pictures? Perhaps set up a shrine on his leg? I hope he got some sort of monetary value out of it, if he didn't at least get a current affairs show interview then he was gypped.

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