Tuesday, June 26, 2012

I don't remember putting that in my will...

Like most grown ups out there, I have a will.  It's not a particularly complicated one, basically just leaving everything to whatever family member is left after my unfortunate demise, as well as a trust to my nephew.  I didn't ask the public trustee to do anything complicated, like make anyone go on a convoluted treasure hunt or spend the night in a haunted house to get my money, and given the fact that I had it rewritten at Christmas time I think I can remember the details pretty well.

So you can imagine my surprise when I received a letter from the University I graduated from thanking me for choosing to make them the beneficiary of my will.

Umm ... what the fuck?

The letter explained how grateful they were for my generous contributions, and how it would go to help future students of my alma mater by improving services and providing scholarship opportunities.

Screw that!  I had to pay my own way through thank you very much, and let me tell you what with tutorial fees, HECS fees and text book costs it wasn't cheap!  Not to mention the photocopying expenses.  Holy crap, why doesn't anyone tell  you how expensive photocopying is?  So if I had to pay, why on earth should future students get the benefit of having me pay for THEM too!

The letter then went on, in what I can only describe as a fit of outrageous audacity, to say that seeing as I was considering forking over my life savings at my death, how about I consider giving some of it right now.  I couldn't believe it!  They thought (however erroneously) that I was choosing to give them all my money when I died, but rather than being grateful for the gift they actually had the nerve to say, "Yeah, we don't feel like waiting that long, and a hitman costs too much ... could you just give it to us now?"

Gobsmacked doesn't even begin to describe my reaction.  How does one even respond to something like this?  Part of me was tempted to grab the copy of my will I left in my family's safe and just double check that I didn't actually leave it all to the University.  Who knows, it was an early morning meeting with the public trustee, maybe in a fit of sleep and caffeine deprivation I accidentally said "Leave everything to the University that charged me an arm and a leg to get a degree that I'll probably never use".

But no, today I received an email from the University, apologising for the letter.  Apparently they sent a whole slew of them out to the wrong people, and now are trying to do damage control.  The email said that they were very sorry, and they hoped it wouldn't discourage me from considering them in my will in the future.

So let me get this right, University.  You want me to leave all my worldly possessions (and my superannuation account) to you in my will, so you can then send me regular letters begging me to give you more money before I croak?

Umm ... yeah, I don't think I'll be doing that.

23 comments:

  1. Bwa ha ha ha ha. I always used to laugh when I got letters from the Alumni association at my college too. Of course none of them were quite so shameful as the one you received, but still. Like you, I figured I paid and paid well for my time and diploma, you aren't getting one more red cent outta me. That would seriously piss me off even if I was old, rich, ready to kick the bucket, and willing to give them money. How presumptuous.

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    1. I know! I was all set to call them and give them a piece of my mind when the email came!

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  2. I know how you feel. I've never had this happen, but the university I attended sends me letters on a regular basis asking for donations. After all I owe after going there, I doubt that's going to be happening anytime soon.

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    1. It's kind of rich of them to ask, especially as I'm still paying off the debt for my degree.

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  3. I would be soooo mad if this happened to me. it's bad enough that I get letters every few months from my old college, begging for donations. But assuming they were going to be the beneficiaries of your will--sheesh!!!

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    1. I suppose as far as donating goes, it's not a bad way to do it. No actual disadvantage to me. But it's the outright cheek I have a problem with!

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    1. I know! You'd think they'd be a bit better organised if they're going to try to convince people to give them their money.

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  5. I was starting to get angry with you while reading this. Glad it was just a mistake!

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  6. LOL!! That is hilarious, and I feel the same as you. My University calls asking for donations anytime one of their sports teams wins some kind of championship, believing that our school pride is at a all-time high so we better hit them up now! NOT!!

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    1. I can understand the need to raise funds, or at least I would if I didn't know that my Uni is sitting on a fortune! Seriously, I know how much money they have invested already, they don't really need mine too.

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  7. You're it, have a look at my blog and see what I mean.

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  8. Yeah I am every bit as miffed when my university politely asks for donations as if they had actually drafted a will on my behalf and coerced me into signing it under heavy drugging or extreme duress. Audacity is RIGHT. PFFFFT!

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  9. Wow. So, it went to the wrong people. Not even a "That letter was totally made up by a disgruntled assistant."

    And here I was considering leaving all my money to a one-legged hooker named Freddy... Oh... And my family too. Silly me.

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    1. Nah, leave it to Freddy. I'm sure he needs it to feed his addiction to over the counter cold meds.

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  10. LMAO People give their life savings to their universities?? Ummm...I hope they got a damn good scholarship b/c my school got enough of my money from me!!!

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    1. My thoughts exactly! I paid them a fortune to study there, and they want me to keep on paying? Not this little black duck!

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  11. I said: "What!," out loud. I can't believe universities go around begging for many like that. The university I attended will never contact me. I am sure they were glad to be rid of me. They would send back any check I send.

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    1. Oh, they beg! I'm always getting letters from them. But this is the first time they've just TOLD me I'm going to give them money.

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  12. Thats why I never went to university!

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    1. Probably a good choice. Money grubbing so and so's!

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