Wednesday, June 6, 2012

The best job idea in the world...

When I was a kid, if you'd asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up the answer would have changed practically every day.  A singer, a writer, a teacher, I went through them all.  

So how is it possible that I missed out of what could possibly be the best job idea of all time?

You see, it's the Queen's Jubilee that got me thinking about it.  The perfect job, sitting right there the whole time and I never even noticed.  What is it, you ask?  

Prince Philip's personal assistant!

My future boss.
No, just think about it.  The man doesn't really do anything, he just travels around with the wife, making off colour jokes and generally embarrassing everyone.  He's old, so he probably goes to bed early which guarantees no late nights working, and his house is just gorgeous, so I know I'd be living in the lap of luxury.

But honestly, I'm just be in it for the amusement factor. 

The man is a walking political incorrectness!  He's every old person out there who decided that they'd lived long enough, paid their dues, and now they were going to say whatever the damn they wanted whenever they wanted.  It'd be worth it for the one liners alone!

I had a search and here are a few of his best!

-  to the Nigerian President wearing traditional robes 
          "You look like you're ready for bed."

-  to a student trekking in PNG
          "You managed not to get eaten, then?"

-  to a woman with a guide dog
          "Do you know they have eating dogs for the anorexic now?"

-  to a female sea cadet
          "Do you work in a strip club?"

-  to Cayman Islanders
          "Aren't most of you descended from pirates?"

-  on getting rich in Britain
          "What about Tom Jones?  He's made a million and he's a bloody awful singer."

I'm pretty sure I could handle the job.  Remind him that he's scheduled to insult the ambassador of Norway in the morning, make sexually suggestive comments to a French actress in the afternoon, then talk loudly about inappropriate things during dinner.  

Seriously, I almost think I'd pay HIM for the honour!


  1. Sounds like a great job to have!

  2. Lol!! I love the guy! I knew he had said some off the wall things - but I hadn't seen them so nicely collected in one place before. Great post, and yes, it would totally be the best job ever. :)

  3. That does sound like a pretty cool gig!
    Great blog, new follower :)

  4. As long as no one takes him seriously...pretty damn funny. I need more old guys like this in my life.

  5. Wow... I kinda wanna BE him. Except for the part of him looking like the old preacher from Poltergeist II....



  6. LOL; Honestly, that would be neat to be his personal assistant; and I just realized the queen has corgis as pets; I do think that would be a great gig myself!!


  7. That first quote reminds me of something I said once. I was part of a parade where comedians were required to come dressed up in the craziest outfits we could. One Indian man turned up not dressed up, but he was wearing his usual turban and I meandered over, pointed to the turban and said "Hey, the guys have taken a vote and we've decided that your costume is the craziest of all." He's acomedian, so I knew he'd be fine with it.

  8. I couldn't work for him. I have a thing for older gentlemen, and when they have a sense of humor like that, I wouldn't be able to help myself.

  9. Don't let Prince Philip hear you say you'd pay to work for him. Those Royals are cheap bloody bastards.

  10. I agree, Prince Phillip will be a laugh to work for. It is just so offensive, but every public figure is so arse tight about what they say these days.

    I remember when our former Prime Minister, the leader of our nation, a Mr Bob Hawke was drunk on national TV telling everyone they should have a day off.

    Okay, I was too young to remember the actual footage, but it was still great :)