So how is it possible that I missed out of what could possibly be the best job idea of all time?
You see, it's the Queen's Jubilee that got me thinking about it. The perfect job, sitting right there the whole time and I never even noticed. What is it, you ask?
Prince Philip's personal assistant!
|My future boss.|
No, just think about it. The man doesn't really do anything, he just travels around with the wife, making off colour jokes and generally embarrassing everyone. He's old, so he probably goes to bed early which guarantees no late nights working, and his house is just gorgeous, so I know I'd be living in the lap of luxury.
But honestly, I'm just be in it for the amusement factor.
The man is a walking political incorrectness! He's every old person out there who decided that they'd lived long enough, paid their dues, and now they were going to say whatever the damn they wanted whenever they wanted. It'd be worth it for the one liners alone!
I had a search and here are a few of his best!
- to the Nigerian President wearing traditional robes
"You look like you're ready for bed."
- to a student trekking in PNG
"You managed not to get eaten, then?"
- to a woman with a guide dog
"Do you know they have eating dogs for the anorexic now?"
- to a female sea cadet
"Do you work in a strip club?"
- to Cayman Islanders
"Aren't most of you descended from pirates?"
- on getting rich in Britain
"What about Tom Jones? He's made a million and he's a bloody awful singer."
I'm pretty sure I could handle the job. Remind him that he's scheduled to insult the ambassador of Norway in the morning, make sexually suggestive comments to a French actress in the afternoon, then talk loudly about inappropriate things during dinner.
Seriously, I almost think I'd pay HIM for the honour!