Westboro Baptist Church helping to raise money for The Trevor Project ... oh sweet, sweet irony...

So, it seems that those reprehensible people over at Westboro Baptist Church have decided to announce another protest, scheduled for the 28th February outside Vassar College to protest ... well, to be honest I'm not sure exactly WHAT they're protesting.  Something to do with it being an "ivy league whorehouse" and "devoted to the homosexual agenda".  Wow, vague much?

Oh Westboro Baptist Church ... when are you just going to wake up and realise you're a bunch of dick heads?

I know I've mentioned my disdain for this group before, but I really don't think you can overstate something like that.  Anyone who protests at a funeral deserves a special and particularly vicious brand of vigilante justice, as far as I'm concerned.

But rather than take the route that most choose when Westboro Baptist Church decide to come knocking, ie. open mocking or calling the cops, Vassar opted to try something different.  Why not turn it into a fundraiser and try to collect some money for the very issues they were protesting?

So they spread the word around the college and set a goal of raising $4,500, a hundred bucks for every minute that the Westboro Baptist Church would be protesting that would be donated to The Trevor Project.  An ambition sum to be sure, but it only took days for them to have raised TEN TIMES THAT AMOUNT!  Hell, with a week still to go, their total is currently sitting at over $84,000!

I love when people gather together to shit all over the plans of bigots.  Vassar College, you guys get my Official Seal of Awesomeness!

And Westboro dudes?  I'd say sucks to be you, but at this point I'm not even sure if you have the mental capacity to understand just what happened and how you contributed to almost a hundred thousand dollars being donated to a charity that supports LGBTQ youth.

Oh sweet irony.

A question of censorship...

I was browsing through some second hand books the other day at an op shop when I came across something I just couldn't pass up. Not because I desperately wanted it or it was something I'd been keeping an eye out for, and not because it was valuable. It was just some ratty old paperback with a grotty cover. No, the reason I bought it and took it home was because I just COULDN'T leave it there for someone else to buy.

"Escape from Witchcraft", that was the title. Of course it caught my eye just from that, but once I'd read the blurb I was ... I guess you could say conflicted. Being a witch myself, I was both amused and horrified.

The story was an autobiography, published in the early seventies and detailing a girl's experiences with the occult. Biased of course, as all biographies are, but I admit it riled me up more than most. Here's a bit from the back page.

"Witchcraft is not a thing of the past. Satan is not dead. Young people by the thousands are probing seriously the mysteries of "The Other Side", from seances to satan worship ... most American high schools have their campus "witches and warlocks."  While the drug problem occupies community attention, another epidemic - far more insidious, far more elusive - is spreading among young people ... That is why this book had to be written."

I suppose it's ridiculous to be insulted by a book that was written before I was born, but I acted on instinct.  I didn't want someone else to buy that book. To read it. So I bought it myself to take it out of circulation.

But afterwards when I got it home, I started to feel the twinges of my conscience. Sure I have the right to my beliefs. Sure I have the right to abhor what this stupid little book says. But do I have the right to think I can stop other people from reading it? Isn't that a bit like censorship?

I'd intended to throw the stupid thing away as soon as I got it home, but now it just feels wrong. A bit too much like book burning, if you know what I mean. But it leaves me in a strange situation. What to do with it? I could donate it to a charity, but that doesn't feel right either. Maybe I should just leave it somewhere and let the fates take their course.

I know that in the grand scheme of things my buying it isn't going to make any difference whatsoever, but that's not the point. It's the fact that I THOUGHT it would make a difference. As much as I hate to admit it, it's a difference I don't have any right to make.

Damn, I hate it when I'm being a better person.

I much preferred colouring to Religious Education anyway...

Hmm, I suddenly have an overwhelming urge to be opinionated.

Consider yourselves warned.

So, I'm just going to come out and say it.  There's no point beating around the bush any longer.

I'm an evolutionist.

Yep, that's right, I believe in survival of the fittest, that we descended from apelike creatures called Australopithecus, and that Darwin was right when he put it all together.

I still remember the exact moment I decided that I believed in evolution rather than creationism.  I think I was about seven years old and I asked my mother how it was possible for Adam and Eve to be the first people if they only had two sons.  Uncertain how to answer that, she did what any responsible parent would do ... sicced me onto my religious education teacher who happened to be in the same shop that we were having the conversation in.

So I asked the Rel Ed teacher my question, probably completely blind siding her given she was just there to grab a tin of soup, and was given the answer that Adam and Eve had more than just two kids.

Huh, well that didn't sit well with my seven year old self.  Did that mean brothers and sisters got married and had kids?

Oh no, she said.  There were other people too, in other towns.  The children probably married them.

Okay, hold the phone!  So first I'm told that Adam and Eve are the very first people ever.  Then I'm told they have two sons.  When I question that, I'm told they had other kids too.  When I question THAT, I'm suddenly informed that there were a whole hoard of other people there, conveniently living in another town?

So which was it, were Adam and Eve the first or weren't they?

At this point my Rel Ed teacher felt a sudden need to get home.  She left with her soup, and I left with the realisation that I didn't believe a word of what I'd been fed.

The next semester when the Religious Education classes were put together, I found myself in the one where all the "non-religious" kids were put.  We got to colour.  It suited me just fine.

I don't think I'd even thought about that in years, but today I was reading an interesting news article about a 19 year old boy who has been fighting against the Louisiana Science Education Act.  The act, which was passed about four years ago, allowed teachers to bring their own material in when the science classes were teaching "contentious" topics like evolution and global warming.  Soon enough, that led to the teacher getting rid of the normal science texts altogether and using their own creationism based alternatives.

This kid fought, and won, the right to keep the pure science texts in the science classes.

I know it's a bit of a delicate topic for a lot of people so I'm not going to even touch on my opinion of that, but I just had to say ... from one childhood rabble rouser to another ... respect, dude.

Oh Saint Clare, watch over my TiVo...

Considering I'm not even a Christian, let alone a Catholic, you guys might find my choice of material today strange, but the way I see it, everyone should have the protection of a patron saint.  They're more than just religious figures, they're doing their part to continue the great tradition of superstition and paranoia we've worked so hard a species to build!

The important thing, though, is picking the right saint to align yourself with.  And being the awesome person I am, I've decided to help you all out by suggesting a few of the lesser known saints you might find yourself drawn to!  Why settle for St Anthony or St Jude, when you could have one of the following!

St Clare:  Patron Saint of Television

For anyone who lives and dies by their TV guide, you might want to invest in a statue of St Clare, the patron saint of television.  Hell, get two of 'em and having duelling St Clares on either side of your wide screen!

Can't find the rerun of The Love Boat you're looking for?  Want to know when the next Doctor Who episode is going to air?  Living in fear of your favourite show being cancelled before the two main characters finally kiss?  Just appeal to your St Clare (or duelling St Clares) for a little divine intervention.  It can't hurt!

St Isidore:  Patron Saint of The Internet

Now here's a saint that should be near and dear to all of our hearts.  Good old Isidore, the patron saint of the internet!  How else are you supposed to get a 200 kpbs download rate from your torrents without his help?

So why not print off his picture and stick it to your computer monitor?  With him looking down on you, you'll never go wrong!  Guaranteed protection against viruses, malware and those annoying pop-up ads that you can never get rid of.

Disclaimer:  This is no guarantee that a picture of St Idisore taped to your computer will prevent viruses, malware or pop-up ads.  Get real, dudes, it's just a photo of a dead guy.

St Fiacre:  Patron Saint of STD Sufferers

So there's a patron saint  you should be offering a prayer up to every time you have a one night stand.  Who knew!  Apparently St Fiacre was quite the healer back in the day, and he did such a good job healing all the "unfortunate" diseases that they made him the patron saint of it.

Sorry, Fiacre, that really sucks.  No one wants to be known as the Patron Saint of chlamydia.

So here's an idea, why not pop his picture in your wallet, right next to your emergency condom?  Of course, it's entirely possible any disease prevention will have more to do with the condom than the picture, but why quibble over details.

St Drogo:  Patron Saint of The Ugly

Being the stunning example of humanity that I am, I of course have no need for this particular Saint's assistance, but I wouldn't want to prevent my less aestetically pleasing readers to be disadvantaged.

Yeah ... that's totally why ...

Poor St Drogo, he apparently wasn't the most attractive of individuals, thanks to a disease that disformed him.  So why not stick a picture of him to your mirror to comfort you on those days when bad hair, bad skin, or just general bad looks are plaguing you!  He might not be able to help, but at least you can look at him and be thankful that you're not THAT bad off.  And he's also the patron saint of coffee so bonus!


So these are just a few of lesser known, but no less important, Saints out there!  Consider your options, weigh the pros and cons, then pick your teams, kids!  It's only your eternal soul riding on your decision, so no pressure or anything.

By the way, don't forget to go enter my Silly Season Giveaway for an e-copy of Xanthe Walter's new novel "Ricochet"!

So, it turns out I'm a hardened criminal...

Did you know that I was a criminal for six year?

It's true.

For six whole years I blatantly, if not knowingly, broke a law.  I mean, it's not like I bought myself a mask and a crowbar and decided that a life of crime was the way to go, I had no idea what I was doing was even illegal, but then they do say that ignorance is no excuse.

I don't know if I've ever mentioned it here before but I'm a Pagan.  I have been since I was about ninteen or twenty years old when I first realised that pretty much everything I already believed fit into the beliefs of Paganism.  I remember reading about it in a book my brother had given to me and thinking "Oh, I'm a Pagan ... well now it all makes sense".

The only problem was that Paganism wasn't made legal in the state I live in until 2001.

So there's a good six or seven years that I was practicing an illegal religion, and I had no idea.  Hell, it never even occurred to me that there might even BE illegal religions!  No one ever said anyting to me about it, and it's not like the Pagan community was keeping themselves hidden away or anything, so I had absolutely no idea I was doing anything illegal ... until I read about those laws being repealed in a magazine.

It was a bit of a shock, I must say.

I have to imagine that Keith London, a city official in Florida, had a similar reaction when someone tried to have him charged with living in sin, another old law that no one had gotten around to removing.  I mean seriously, who even uses the expression "living in sin" in this day and age? Were they tutting about the scandal of it all while they were churning their butter and hand sewing a dress for the Sunday church social?

His response was, as you would expect from a city official, a very politely worded screw you and the horse you rode in on.

I can't imagine the complaint got very far, but I still think it's great that he was willing to stand up and say "no" in the face of an unjust law, no matter how outdated and unused.  I like to think that if someone  had turned up at my door and insisted I renounce my beliefs or face charges ... I would have told them to go jump too.   No one is going to tell me what I can and can't believe in!

Yep, I'm just a rebel I guess.

But don't tell anyone, okay?  I'm far too delicate to survive in jail.

By the way, don't forget to go and enter if you'd like to win the set of "Don'ts for..." books I'm giving away in celebration of Delightfully Ludicrous surviving to make it to it's six month anniversary.  Come on!  That's like 50 years old in blog years!!!

Real gods, false gods, sex gods...

There are two things which they all say you should never talk about in polite company, religion and politics.  Well, I took the step and discussed politics a few entries ago, so how about we just go the whole hog and have a whack at religion while we're at it, hmm?

I suppose I should start off this little round table pow-wow by stating for the record that I'm a Pagan.  Yep, that's right, I'm one of those unique little snowflakes that you see wandering around occasionally hugging trees and blathering on about the love of the Goddess (as opposed to the love of the Bloggess, which is a totally different thing).

It's a faith system that works for me.  I know it wouldn't work for everyone, but that's cool.  Not everyone is meant to believe the same thing.  That's why they call it belief, not fact.  But like most Pagans out there I've come across my fair share of people who take offence to my faith, although I've never been able to work out why something like what I believe in is such a big thing to other people that they actually make judgements about me because of it.

There's plenty of the little examples.  The people who avert their eyes when they work out what the star around your neck means.  The ones who are all friendly right up until something comes up to show you're a Pagan, and suddenly it's like an Arctic chill has settled.  The ones who, once they learn of your religion, make sure that no part of their body comes in contact with yours, like you could pass Paganism on like leprosy or something.

But those people are easy enough to deal with.  For the most part it's just a mixture of ignorance and discomfort.  Nine times out of ten they get over themselves after a bit and forget to be all standoffish. I think human nature takes over, and it's human nature to want to be friendly with people who are being friendly to you.

No, the ones who really scare the bejuzus out of me are the zealots.  People like the Westboro Baptist Church, who do reprehensible things like protest funerals and ludicrous things like protest geek conventions.  Seriously, who the hell protests a geek convention!  You're just giving us fuel to make fun of you, and there's nothing we like more than that!  Check out this video if you don't believe me.

Yeah, it was never going to work out well for the Westboro guys.  Geeks have a natural tendency towards the ridiculous.

I suppose the final lesson to take away is this.  I don't give a shit about your religion.  You can be Catholic, Mormon, Seventh Day Adventist, or even a freaking Pastafarian and I have absolutely no problem with that.  More power to you and let your freak flag fly!  In fact, if you're a Pastafarian, I salute you, sir or madam, and hope that your path crosses with many pirates (yeah, that's an in joke).

What I do have a problem with is if the lessons and morals taught by your church cause you to treat others with disrespect or distain based on nothing more than the fact that they don't have the same faith system as you.  I have a problem with people who use faith as a way to camouflage their bigotry and intolerance.  I have a problem with people who use something that is supposed to be a good thing, a moral guideline to make one's life better and more rich, as an excuse to treat others as somehow less than themselves.

I also have a problem with religious door knockers.  Seriously, if I wanted to get up at what-the-fuck o'clock in the morning to answer the door to someone trying to shove their faith down my throat I'd put up a sign or something!

But then I think we all have a problem with them, don't we.

Deities do the craziest things...

I was reading an article today about how someone found a picture of Jesus on a toilet wall.  Isn't that just a charming thought!  Apparently the son of God hasn't go anything better to do than hang out in their loo, threat of E Coli be damned.  Now that's dedication to your wacky appearance schedule, Jesus!

Apparently the family whose wall the holy one has graced are just tickled pink.  Oh yes, the fact that a bunch of mould spores have gathered in such a way that it looks like Jesus is there  hand outstretched, looking a bit like he's trying to say something to them reaffirms their faith no end.  I can't help wondering what he's trying to tell them though ... perhaps that they need to clean their walls?  I'm just saying.

But it got me to thinking about how many times you hear of someone finding Jesus in the most unusual of places.  So, as a favour to you all (and to avoid the washing up, which is what awaits me once I stop procrastinating ... I mean writing) I've had a bit of a search around to find the most interesting and amusing Jesus sightings in inanimate objects.  I do it so you don't have to, kids!


Jesus in a dental x ray - Wow this one must suck.  You go to the dentist, fully prepared for an awful experience.  He sticks you under the x ray, takes the shots, and then when he brings them back to you, not only are you looking at some major root canals ... he found the messiah in your upper jaw!

It's bad enough that He gives you bad teeth, but he's got to stick around to rub it in too?





Jesus in a banana - Okay, now this is just taking the micky!  Jesus in a banana?  What next?  But I guess you learn something new every day.  It turns out Jesus is an excellent source of potassium and is delicious when served with hot custard.

Maybe it's just me, but the fact that there's a picture of a religous icon on a phallic piece of fruit ... well I could be giggling about that one for days.

Jesus in a frying pan - Now I'm going to have to call bullshit on this one.  There's no way this happened without human intervention!  And lets be honest, if it was really a picture of Jesus, it'd be of a middle eastern Jewish guy, not of caucasian dude who looks like he should be on a religious themed Christmas card!  

I'm just saying, if you were going to produce such an obvious fake, couldn't you at least have NOT picked a picture which I'm pretty sure is copywrited by The Vatican?

Jesus in a sonogram - Congratulations, it's a boy!  And it seems he might be the second coming!  Now this one is just terribly unfair, I think.  That's a lot of pressure to put on a poor unborn kid.  If it turns out he CAN'T turn water into wine or miraculously heal the sick, then everyone will say he's not living up to his potential.

Actually, the more I think about it, it's a pretty cruel thing for Jesus to do to him!  Bad form, Jesus!

Personally, I love the lunacy required to believe this.  Don't get me wrong, I'm all for believing in far fetched things.  I'm the first on any bandwagon going, but when they're such obvious fakes or coincidences, and people still put all their faith in them, I can't help thinking it's sad.  Amusing, but sad.

But the "Jesus found in an unusual place" picture that I like the best is this one.

It's always the last place you look.