Saturday, June 16, 2012

Not quite what they'd planned...

In what is either one of the worst ways to die ... or one of the best ... a policeman in Georgia died the other day of a heart attack.  How is that in any way a good thing, I hear you ask?  Well, he was having a threesome at the time, so I'd say at least he went happy.

Not as happy as his widow though, who got a compensation payment of three million dollars by suing the guy's doctor for not warning him that he could have a heart attack if he exerted himself.  Or maybe she's not so happy ... she wasn't one of the three involved in the threesome.  Doh!

Still, it got me to wondering about how many people have died mid coitus, and as per usual, to think is to act with me, so I've collected a few of my favourites for your reading pleasure.

1.  A thirty four year old couple in Japan had the rather bad luck of dying on their wedding night.  The pair, who were virgins and had been waiting for marriage, both suffered heart attacks right in the middle of it.

Imagine that, waiting all those years, imagining how romantic it will be, then on the night ... WHAM ... double heart attack!  That's just adding insult to injury.

2.  In what can only be described as an ironic situation, a funeral home employee and his girlfriend died after having some "alone time" in the company hearse.  It appeared that they fell asleep afterwards, but didn't take the precaution of turning the car off first.

CO2 poisoning will certainly put a dampener on romance.


3.  An 80 year old Croatian man was so thrilled with the deal he'd cut with his prostitute, he actually died of a heart attack before she could even begin.  After negotiating a blow job for around six dollars (I know!  I want him with me next time I need to buy a TV!) he never actually got to enjoy his bargain.

It seems really unfair, doesn't it.  Best deal he'd probably ever made in his life, and he didn't even get the chance to brag to all his friends about it!


4.  Here's one you'd never guess ... death by piano sex.  Apparently there's a bar where they lower a piano from the roof every night on a hydraulic lift.  One night after closing, a couple of employees were enjoying themselves on top of the piano when they somehow activated the lift and it squished them against the ceiling.

The poor guy died, while the girl was trapped and had to wait for someone to find them.  When they were thinking of an earth moving experience, that's probably not what they had in mind.


I know, I know, it seems rather callous of me to be snickering up my sleeve at these poor unfortunates, but really if you die in an unusual way I think you just have to accept that that's what you'll be remembered for.  I know I've always had a secret fear of the huge model whales that are suspended outside the museum next to the library I work at.  I'm always terrified that the cables holding them up will snap one day and they'll come crashing down on me.

But if it ever happened, I'm fully aware of the fact that my death would become an amusing anecdote people told.  I'd be the woman who was crushed by a fibre glass whale.

Sometimes you just have to bow to fate.

14 comments:

  1. Ewwww. My husband and sons love to watch 1000 Ways To Die. I think it's horrible, but for some reason they are fascinated to see all the weird demented ways people have died. I think they need therapy.

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    1. Hehe, can't beat human nature I guess. We're all obsessed with death ... and reality tv stars.

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  2. 1000 Ways to Die is always interesting. I think humans have a natural attraction/repulsion concerning death because it's something we must all face. These unexpected ways are naturally more shocking because it makes us realize just how close death might be.

    Okay. I'm sounding morbid now.

    The piano sex seemed horrifying, just because being trapped naked with the dead guy for so long had to be creepy and upsetting. At least he was having fun though. Most men I know would rather die having sex than doing anything else. My husband would agree, though I personally hope it doesn't happen that way. I'd have to deal with the psychological trauma afterwards (unless he was having a threesome without me in it, of course!)

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    1. My first thought when I read the piano one was "Wouldn't that be uncomfortable? And cold?" I don't think pianos were built for having sex on.

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  3. No, in keeping with this post, you'd be the woman who died of Dick -- Moby Dick!

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  4. Well, I think I'd rather die than have sex again..does that count?

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    1. That's extreme ... but I admire you commitment to your decision!

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  5. Is it wrong that I actually enjoyed reading about such macabre deaths...? Yeah, I thought so.

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    1. Not wrong at all! We wouldn't all talk about it so much if it wasn't human nature.

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  6. Would the wale that fell from the ceiling be a killer whale?

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    1. Very punny, Rusty!

      Did ya see what I did there? Did ya?

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  7. That is not how I want to go, which means that's exactly how I will go.

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    1. Now now, not everyone can have a noble death rescuing babies from runaway carriages. Some of us have to die from giant model sea mammal. We all have our parts to play.

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