Saturday, October 6, 2012

Women in the workplace ... whatever next...

Hello students!  Professor Kellie here, and today's Convoluted History Class will be entitled "Gals in the Workplace; or, you just sit down sweet cheeks while the big boys do the real work".

For those who read Mass Transportation (and who doesn't!), you may be familiar with their excellent 1943 publication on the topic called "Eleven Tips To Getting More Efficiency Out Of Women Employees".  This simple, common sense advice was aimed at male bosses who have been forced to hire women.  I know, I know, how dreadful!  Girls in the workplace, doing the work of men, taking wages away from deserving lads.  Whatever next!  Female doctors?  Lawyers?  A female Prime Minister?

I know you're all sitting there thinking that surely this is an isolated incident.  How many women could there really be in the workforce?  After all, we all know that women are entirely unsuited to working, unless it's in a job like nurse, beautician, or stripper.

But you'd be surprised at how many women have crept into all facets of the workforce over the years, and as employers you need to know how to handle the delicate little creatures.  I'm not going to go through all the tips with you, I'm sure you can all read them at your leisure, but lets look at a few of them together, shall we?

"Pick young married women.  They usually have more of a sense of responsibility than their unmarried sisters, they're less likely to be flirtatious, they need the work or they wouldn't be doing it, they still have the pep and interest to work hard and to deal with the public efficiently."

Oh those women, it's so hard for them to resist flirting with everything that moves!  Best only hire ones who are already hitched, they're less of a threat.  But heaven forbid, don't hire them if they're too old!  You may not want them getting up to a little hanky panky with the photocopy boy, but you need to have SOMETHING good to look at!

"General experience indicates that husky girls - those who are just a little on the heavy side - are more even tempered and efficient than their underweight sisters."

Very good advice, students!  We all know that a girl who's on the plump side will be much more even tempered, and therefore much less likely to take offence to anything you might do or say and haul off and hit you in the face ... like, for example, call her plump.

"Give the female employee a definite day-long schedule of duties so that they'll keep busy without bothering the management for instructions every few minutes.  Numerous properties say that women make excellent workers when they have their jobs cut out for them, but that they lack initiative in finding work themselves."

This is an important one to pay attention to.  After all, we all know that women, bless their dear little hearts, can't make decisions for themselves.  If you don't give them a solid schedule, mapping out every minute of their days, god only knows what you'll find them doing when you get back!  So give them a well planned daily itinerary and there's no way that they'll want to throttle you for micromanaging.

And this ends our class for today, students.  I hope you've all learned something about this very important topic.  Don't forget to study, there'll be a test later!

43 comments:

  1. You definitely want the married ones because they obviously must need the work--and they'll be so desperate, they'll be willing to work for half of what their male counterparts make!

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    1. Exactly! And they'll be so scared of you firing them for being in a position to become pregnant that they won't give you any lip!

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  3. That is rather hilarious! The sad part, though? Some people probably really believe all that!!

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    1. It must have been hard to be a woman who had a job back then, if that's the way they treated you.

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  4. But Professor Kellie, whatever shall we do if one needs to be reprimanded and she starts crying?

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    1. Just tell them to buy themselves something pretty out of petty cash, that normally cheers them up.

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  5. Oh, wow. I actually read an article several months ago (sorry, lost the link to the exact article, but the one below mentions the phenomenon), that recommended taking your ring off for an interview if you were married or engaged, because obviously a large engagement ring means they don't have to pay you as much, and a wedding ring might indicate that you may need maternity leave at some point in the future. We all know what a bad investment those women who want children are...

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/katherine-bindley/interviewing-should-you-take-the-ring-off_b_930242.html

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    1. I've heard that same thing. Also, make sure not to comment on a picture of the person with a child. They may assume you are baby crazy and just waiting for an opportunity to pop out hundreds and start your own marching band. You can't get much work done then.

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    2. The saddest thing is that it's probably good advice. It shouldn't be needed, but I'm sure it is.

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  6. "Husky girls"!?! Oh lord. I don't think I could make up something this hilariously offensive...and I've tried. Oh those women-folk infesting the workforce like human AIDS.

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    1. They really should stay home,shouldn't they. After all, who's going to make dinner if they're in the office?

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  7. Your sarcasm lit up my day! Great post.

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  8. This is deliciously humorous Kellie, and I was enjoying a real chuckle and then I stopped dead in my tracks so to speak, with stunning realisation that this is exactly how it used to be and, frighteningly not that darn long ago. (In some quarters, some would say even today, in some ways)

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    1. That's the scariest part, the fact that this was an actual, honest to god article that someone wrote and they weren't being sarcastic!

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  9. I learned that I should have never been allowed to enter the workforce. I'm gonna burn my bra at work to emphasize this point.

    Hugs!

    Valerie

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    1. LOL! Oh, if only my first career choice of Trophy Wife had worked out. Alas, no rich 87 year olds were to be had.

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  10. You know what it is? The "husky girls" have more padding on their bottoms and can sit comfortably for longer than the skinny ones. Bony butts hurt and make you ill-tempered if you sit for too long... I guess, I wouldn't know. My butt runs more to the padding end of things. :) *gasp* I must be husky!

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    1. Welcome to the club, honey. We meet every third Thursday. It's your turn to being the chips and dip next time.

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    2. I can work with chips and dip. I am on a cookie kick right now, so I might bring cookies, too. Gotta keep the huskiness. *thumbs up*

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  11. Thank you for providing me with an education on women in the workplace. I don't see many guys offering comments so I think I'll dodge a bullet and say nothing, except i enjoyed your post.

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    1. Very diplomatic, you skirted that one like a pro :D

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  12. Ah olden times. What a bunch of idiots our parents and grandparents used to be. Or I guess in this case our fathers and grandfathers.

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    1. Makes you wonder why they call them the good old days, doesn't it.

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  13. this makes me think of the show "mad men." i think they liked their women employees young and padded so there was more butt for pinching and hooters for ogling. plus, if they're young enough, they might not know any better yet than to let men treat them like toys to be played with and then tossed aside.
    sigh. our world in 2012 isn't perfect, but for women, it's come a long way.

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    1. That's true. It's nice to see that as a species we are capable of change.

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  14. I simply can't help but flirt with the men folk of the office. A gal gets bored when not given a sufficient number of papers to photo-copy.

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    1. Of course, they can't blame you for that. If they don't give you enough envelopes to stuff or pieces of paper to put in folders, then they only have themselves to blame if they find you canoodling with Roger in the stationary room.

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  15. Something tells me that this paragon of chauvinism will actually be surprised when one of these sweet little housewife types turns around and punches him in the face. Line up ladies, he has lots of this coming!

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  16. I was even tempered enough up until that last quote.. Hymph! (You may imagine that as a high-pitched, womanly ejaculation!)

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    1. Now now, don't worry your pretty little head about it. After all, as women our main purpose in the workplace is to answer the phone and to look good. At least, that's what I've been lead to believe.

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  17. Reminds me of a book I saw some pages out of which was a guide to being the perfect housewife, including helpful hints along the lines of "ensure that your husband's dinner and slippers are prepared before he returns from work" "ensure that you are well dressed and have applied make-up before his return home because no man wants to come home to an 'unseemly' wife" and other similar rules. -shudder-

    The future is kind of awesome.

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    1. It makes you wonder how men managed to survive, doesn't it! I'm pretty sure I'd be driven to homicide.

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  18. Wow!! All I can say is WOW!!

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    1. Yep. Apparently we're a completely different species and a whole list of rules is needed to handle u.

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  19. Omg, I started reading this and was distracted for a second and read that as "Gas in the workplace....."......hysterical....because I worked once with lady that thought that gas in the workplace was acceptable......IT WASNT!

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  20. teeeheee...KELLIE! You are hilarious! I can almost hear your voice here....HOW INTERESTING that the numbers show (according to my husband who is a college prof) that there are more women graduating with their Master's degrees than men!!!!!!! WE TOOK OVER, didn't we? WE have come a long way, baby.

    My mother never worked outside of keeping house and raising MOI. My dear dad would not even THINK of her working. And I was raised without the slightest encouragement to go to college; I did all of that in my mid-30s and paid dearly for not having been mentally prepared.

    THANK YOU FOR COMING BY to visit me! YES, did that cheese sandwich make you go out and toast a hunk of bread? I WAS HUNGRY YESTERDAY as I was preparing that POST!!!! I finished it and then immediately ran to the kitchen!!!!!

    Have a super autumn Sunday and grab a bowl of soup and a crunchy loaf of French bread!

    HUGS, Anita

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  21. LOL, great pic! I know I get my curls caught in all sorts of contraptions....
    <3 Dana @ This Silly Girl's Life

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  22. That last one cracked me up! What may take a man all day may take a woman 15 minutes. Who do they think came up with the idea of multi-tasking?

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