It's only eccentric if you're rich enough...

I'm not bad off financially speaking, but no one is ever going to accuse me of being rich.  I make enough to pay my rent, my bills, and still have a little left over for shits and giggles, but I'm never going to make Forbes Billionaire List.  I've come to accept that about myself, I'm not someone who strives for more money.  It's just not part of my psychological make up.

But that doesn't stop me from daydreaming about it from time to time.

One thing I have worked out is that, should the ridiculously unlikely happen and I became rich, I'd have to become an eccentric ... well, more eccentric than I already am.  From what I can tell it's a prerequisite for people with that much money.  Look at Michael Jackson, Richard Branson, Howard Hughes, they all have two things in common.  One, they all have more money than god, and two, they're all madder than a box of cats.

I mean, take the Chief Executive of Abercrombie & Fitch, it seems he's taken the whole "eccentric rich guy" lesson to heart.  Apparently he makes all the male flight crew on his private jet wear a specially selected uniform, even going to far as to specify what sort of underwear they should wear and what colour gloves depending on whether they're fiddling with the silver or setting the table.

It got me to thinking though, if I had that sort of money, and a private jet full of cute guys to do my bidding, what would I be tempted to make them do just for my own amusement.

And of course, from there it was a short jump to me writing up a list, just in case.  You've got to be prepared, you never know when you're going to win the lotto or have a ridiculously rich long lost relative pop their clogs and leave you a small fortune.

So, here are the "Rules For Flight Crew On Kellie's Super Luxurious Jet".

1. All crew members will address Kellie as My Lady at all times.  Other honorifics, such as Majesty, Eminence or "That stuck up bitch" will not be allowed. 
2. All crew members will arrive at work wearing the approved uniform.  This uniform consists of a wife beater, a pair of lederhosen, a tulle tutu, a pair of fairy wings, and sensible shoes. 
3. Should a member of the crew need to speak directly to Kellie, they will do so only in the form of haiku.  Sonnets will be accepted if necessary, but under no circumstances will limericks be allowed. 
4. Crew members are not to make direct eye contact with Kellie, but are encouraged to give her a hug whenever they'd like. 
5. Should the wifi become unavailable during the course of the flight, all crew members will be expected to entertain Kellie until it is available again.  Entertainment may take the form of stories, songs, or re-enactments of famous Napoleonic battles.  Please ensure you have all necessary props and costumes prior to take off. 
6. Kellie should only be served water that has been collected from the dew on a Tibetan mountain top by blind monks who've taken a vow of silence.  Yes, she WILL notice if you just crack open an Evian.
7. If Kellie decides to sleep during the flight, no fewer than two crew members must remain in attendance, humming her a lullaby and playing with her hair.
8. All crew members are reminded that, while it isn't mandatory, participation in the strip Monopoly game is strongly recommended.

Yep, that should do for now.  I can add to them later, once I really am rich and have a plane full of hot guys to boss around, just like our friend from Abercrombie & Fitch.

Hmm, maybe I should start on a list for my house staff too ... just to be safe.