Saturday, December 1, 2012

Putting the "fun" back into funeral...

200 dead bodies ... the creepiest
Where's Wally ever!
Those of you who are even a little bit familiar with my strangeness will know that I can sometimes lean a little bit towards the macabre.  As much as I hate to admit it, I've spent my fair share of time imagining up the perfect funeral and final resting place for myself.

I've always imagined a nice, quiet plot somewhere on a hilltop with lots of trees and a nice view.  Something classic.  Perhaps a nice limestone grave marker with a few nice words about what a wonderful human being I was and how everyone was just beside themselves when I unfortunately passed away rescuing that basket of puppies from a runaway combine harvester.

But one scenario that I didn't consider ... that didn't even cross my morbid little mind ... was that I could end up at a popsicle on a mountainside being used as a glorified "THIS WAY" sign.  But apparently if you decide to climb Mt Everest, that's a real risk you face.

According to this article on the Smithsonian website, climbers who perish on the mountain in their attempt to get to the top are just left there.  Currently there are over 200 bodies just lying up there.  I suppose I can understand that.  It's hard enough for people to get up there at all, it'd be impossible to go up and fetch down all the unlucky ones.  But I have to admit I was more than a little bit perturbed to find out that some of those bodies are actually being used by other hikers as landmarks to show that they're still on the right path.

Personally though, I'm not sure how I'd feel if not only was someone I knew and loved lying dead on a mountain, but he also had random people just wandering past his frozen corpse on a daily basis.  Then again, I'm not a mountain climber.  For all I know, it might be the highest honour one can achieve in the field.  To stand for all eternity, guiding the way for like minded brethren.

It made me wonder if perhaps there was a better use for my body after my regrettable lorry-truck-kindergarten-class-rescue demise.  After much deliberation ... and by much deliberation, I mean three glasses of wine and a ten minute googlefest ... I've decided any of the following will be acceptable.

Eternal Reef:  Imagine being able to spend eternity as a part of a coral reef.  This company takes your cremated remains, mixes them with concrete then deposits it in the ocean so coral will grow over it.  Imagine all the pretty fishies that'll come to swim around your dead body!  People pay a fortune to go diving to look at shit like that, so what better way of spending your afterlife? 
Burial in Space:  Like all good Trekkies, I had to include this one in my options!  Space, the final frontier!  To boldly go where only a few other stupidly rich dead people have gone before ... into the vacuum of space! 
LifeGem:  I've always like to think I was a gem ... and now in my afterlife I can literally be one!  These guys take your cremated remains and turn them into simulated precious stone.  Think about it, you could spend eternity as a ring, a pendant ... personally, I'm plumping for a tiara.  I am rather partial to a grouse tiara!

Yep, I'm putting the "fun" back into funeral!

37 comments:

  1. If you are ever the lead car in a funeral procession drive through a car wash... Wow, being left on the mountain is a bit creepy. I had not heard that story. (Now I'm not sure what to do with that information.) Have a great weekend

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    1. Taking the funeral through the car wash! I've never considered that, but it's got possibilities...

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  2. There was a young Canadian climber who died on Everest a few months ago. It cost her family an absolute fortune to have her body brought down again.

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    1. I imagine it would. I suppose when you go up, you accept the possibility that you might not be coming down.

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  3. Interesting posting about Mt Everest. Wonder what will happen after global warming thaws that mountain?

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    1. I'd guess the result would be one very stinky mountain.

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  4. Now I am envisioning frozen hiker corpses propped upright with cardboard "THIS WAY" signs hung around their necks.

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    1. Funnily enough, I probably wouldn't find that quite so disturbing.

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  5. I'll be thinking about your post and all those dead bodies the next time I see a picture of Mt. Everest. I think I'll cancel my trip to Nepal.

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    1. Probably a safe choice. Unless you really like the idea of becomming a human road sign, in which case don't forget your sandwich board! Make sure you write your message on it ahead of time. I'd recommend "Summit: 45 miles. Starbucks: 15 miles".

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  6. From one of my posts (& it's true!):

    I’ve told my husband that I didn’t want a regular funeral, with everybody sad. Instead I told him, that I wanted fireworks to celebrate my life. He said that fireworks weren’t his thing & offered a compromise—he said he would be willing to stick sparklers in my behind. NOT ACCEPTABLE!!

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    1. I suppose it's nice he tried to come up with a compromise ... even if it involved lacklustre pyrotechnics coming out of your ass!

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  7. Wonder how many folks don't make it back down attempting to reach said dead body on Mt Everest. Remind me to just never get that bored! ;)

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    1. I'm guessing the whole Marine motto of "never leave a man behind" doesn't count on Mt Everest. I can understand it, I guess.

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  8. that is super interesting. I actually scratched my chin while reading, no lie. I can't quite decide if, were I a climber, I would be happy to have my remains used in such a way or if it's just too far macabre for me.

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    1. Ooh, I inspired chin scratches! Go me! Glad you like it :D

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  9. If I were to die while climbing Mt. Everest, I would want them to keep me there and definitely use me to help fellow climbers. I could be used to give them some encouragement Put a sign around my neck saying, "Nice job! You're doing better than I did!" Or as a supply station. Give me a big box of blankets and a sign that says, "It gets a little chilly up here. Make sure you take a blanket." After reading this, I may have to do a little reworking of my will...

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    1. LOL! Now that would be an awesome way to spend eternity, acting as a cheerleader to other mountain climbers! I'm almost tempted to put it in my will I want my body taken up there and placed five miles from the summit of Mt Everest, with a sign that says "You're so close, I'm just dying to see you reach the top!"

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  10. I have instructed my son to sneak his remote-controled fart machine into my casket. At the most reverand portion of the service when the minister pauses for a breath, press the button and let a really loud one rip!

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    1. I think it will definitely add a certain level of gravitas to the proceedings.

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  11. LOL! This post is hilarious. I think the coral reef option is great-esp. if I could choose the Great Coral Reef by Australia as I'll probably never get there in this life. Fun in funeral, you got that right!

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    1. The Great Barrier Reef is gorgeous, and I'd be close to home so it'd be easier for family to visit me!

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  12. Eternal reef is the way to go, girl! Personally, i get the attraction to funerals. It's the closest thing I'll ever get to a REST!

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    1. I don't mind funerals, but wakes kind of give me the heebie jeebies. I'm not sure I want all my friends and family in the one place when I can't be there to run interference and make sure people I don't want talking don't talk.

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  13. I'd be cool with being a mile marker on the mountain. At least my rotting carcass would be used for something practical, even if it is just pointing the right way. Also, it's hard to work up empathy for people who know about all the deaths, and decide to climb up a mountain where we know there's nothing of value, just to be self-congratulatory.
    I want to be taxidermied and be set up as the most unique mailbox possible. Whether I'm holding a mailbox or simply bent over, that's for the living to decide.

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    1. A mailbox, I hadn't even considered something like that!

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  14. Love the life gem idea! That would be really cool way to remember someone!

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    1. I do like the idea of a tiara! I'm melodramatic in life, I should get to be melodramatic in death.

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  15. I probably would mind being a mile marker. The best thing I have going for me is taking up space.

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    1. Well then you're be very well qualified! Don't forget to take your sign with you when you go!

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  16. That eternal reef option sounds so pretty. I must say I have never thought about it too much.

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  17. This is a solemn subject, but I had to smile at, 'some of those bodies are actually being used by other hikers as landmarks to show that they're still on the right path.' I would suggest that if you are on a path that is somewhat littered with frozen dead bodies you might rather suppose that you may in fact be on the wrong path..

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    1. I tend to avoid activities where dead bodies are part of the sport. I'm kind of funny that way.

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  18. I just noticed the name of this post. It reminded me of driving back from the north coast one night past a lit neon sign that had a few letters out. The night-time sign read: Summer Fun. In the daylight you could see that the whole sign actually said: Summerton Funerals :) lol!

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  19. It would be awesome to climb up there and make a new body path... Just to mess with people. Or is it just me?

    Hugs!

    Valerie

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