Tuesday, December 11, 2012

I question your archaeology, but I like your style...

I don't know much about North Korea ... or Korea in general.  Despite watching M.A.S.H reruns for years (and who hasn't, it's hilarious), the only facts I can recall off the top of my head are that there's a North and South, and that the capital of South Korea is Seoul.

At least I'm pretty sure it is.  That's where Hawkeye and Trapper John kept traipsing off to with their golf clubs over one shoulder, right?

So when I read the other day that said North Korea had announced that their archaeologists had discovered an ancient unicorn lair, I was a little thrown.  I mean, how do you respond to something like that?  After some deliberation, I decided like this.

North Korea, that is AWESOME!!!

I know that there are some nay-sayers out there who will decry their announcement as blatant pandering to Kim Jong-un, that it's just propaganda, but I decided to suspend disbelief and just go with it.  Cause come on, who out there can seriously say they wouldn't be stoked to find out that unicorns really did exist!  And as far as fabrications go, this one is pretty harmless.  They want to say they found a unicorn lair, let 'em!

Then, about a week after that announcement was made, the Korean government made a second statement.  Apparently there had been a translation snafu and it wasn't a unicorn lair they found.

Oh ... well that's disappointing.

There I was getting all excited about the idea of a world with unicorns in it, only to have my dreams crushed with a linguistic fuck up.

But then the North Korean archaeologists saved the day, amazing little buggers that they are.  They claim that what they actually found was the "nest of a beast with a dragon's head, a deer's body, the tail of a cow, hooves and a mane".

A dragon!  A fucking dragon!!!  That might even be cooler than the unicorn!

But a little part of me is still lamenting the loss of the elusive North Korean unicorn.  Perhaps I should make some unicorn poop cookies to console myself in my grief.

Chemically coloured sugar cookies always make thing seem better.

51 comments:

  1. So the Dragon pooped out a Unicorn??

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    1. Oh dear, I hope not! I think the cookies are supposed to be poop FROM a unicorn, not poop MADE FROM a unicorn ... then again, it's really not that much of a distinction, is it.

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  2. Oh, North Korea. Your people are starving and you refuse to accept any foreign aid to help feed them. But hey, you've got a dragon-cow. Because that's just as good.

    Le sigh.

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  3. From what the world knows about Korea, there might still be dragons, unicorns or even wild Pokemon there. But I think that the word they're looking for is "dinosaur".

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  4. Hey, North Korea's just reporting the facts. I mean, this is the same place that printed in actual newspapers that when Kim Jong Il died the mountains cried and the birds wept in sorrow. Sure beats that whole 'science' thing.

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    1. And they're the ones that reported the Kim Jong-un won an award as sexiest man or something like that, even though the original article was from a parody news website!

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  5. They're so silly. Those unicorn poop cookies are AMAZING!

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  6. North Korea should have it's own tabloid-gossipy show that just covers the random magical crap they routinely put out as fact in their news. They're good at these things!

    (case in point: http://www.nknews.org/2012/12/the-top-ten-most-bizarre-rumours-to-spread-about-north-korea/ )

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    1. Aww, bless 'em. Let them believe in that stuff if they want to.

      Wow, that was pretty patronising of me, wasn't it.

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  7. Ive always admired north korea's journalistic integrity.

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  8. Yeah, if only we could all laugh about North Korea now like we did when Trapper John and Hawkeye were on TV. The good old days.

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    1. I suppose it's not as funny without the wisecracking meatball surgeons.

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  9. DANG! You had me so excited about the ancient unicorn lair...then all my hopes were dashed. Dragons just aren't as cool. ;)

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    1. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to stomp on your unicorn dreams. Here, have some unicorn poop!

      *hands you a cookie ... at least you think it's a cookie*

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  10. North Korea is so ridiculous that it makes me like them, kinda.

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    1. Oh, those kooky North Koreans, how could you not love them!

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  11. When I stumbled across this story, I also couldn't believe my eyes! Those Unicorn Poop cookies look magically delicious :D

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    1. Oh, they are! I'm pretty sure if you eat them you crap glitter and rainbows for a week!

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  12. I almost expect them to say that Kim Jong Il was a unicorn!

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  13. I love unicorns and dragons and anyone who insists upon their existence.

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  14. Well. to hell with whatever it was the Koreans actually found... the poopie cookies look quite delicious! I'll have two please, with a glass of milk on the side?

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  15. no cookies for me, thanks! (or any food called poop) :>)

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  16. Maybe it was a child of a unicorn and dragon, who, in the olden times, would not deny their love for each other and made a love lair far away from the prying eyes of the villagers. It's like Romeo and Juliet... But way more interesting.

    Hugs!

    Valerie

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    1. Oh god, star crossed mythical lovers! Forever spurned by other mythical creatures for going against their natures!

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  17. This was an emotional rollercoaster. I followed the journey with you. Even though I thought I know there aren't unicorns, no, I'm sorry, there aren't. It's a common misconception. What everyone thinks are unicorns are actually Dildo Horses. It's not sharp ivory, it's soft soft rubbery material, like cartilage.
    But man, they blew my ass away with the dragon-deer-cow-horse thing. If anything, someone should give their propaganda team a fat raise, like maybe two less lashings a week.

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    1. I'm sure they're totally respected in international scientific field.

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  18. Pickleope has it right. That "unicorn" is just a horse with a strap-on. Kinky, huh? ;)

    S

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  19. I think most girls would be surprised to learn that unicorns were not originally depicted as horses with a horn on their forehead; historically unicorns were goats with a spiked horn. Not as pretty.

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  20. Dragons??? EVEN BETTER! Way cooler than unicorns!

    @Stephen Hayes - That's interesting and you're right, not nearly as pretty, another reason dragons are way cooler, they don't have to be pretty. :D

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    1. Dragons are pretty cool, it's the only thing that consoles me in this trying time.

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  21. Unicorns, dragons and... and... and... Oh my!

    These things tend to travel in three's you know. I wonder what will come next?

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    1. Ooh, good thought! I wonder what the third will be ... perhaps the Loch Ness Monster?

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  22. When you first said unicorns I thought "That's cool but it would have been even better if it had been dragons" and then BAM! they changed it to dragons. It's like those North Koreans can read my mind!

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  23. my favorite stuffed toy as a child was my pink unicorn....

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    1. I don't think I had any unicorn toys as a child. Perhaps that's why I'm so distraught over it now.

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  24. This post really did make me LOL. Maybe unicorns should be kept as mythical and we'll have dragons for real instead!! lol

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    1. Nah, lets have both of them be real! In for a penny, in for a pound!

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  25. Haha that was one of the best news stories ever! I wanted to believe they actually found a real unicorn lair so much!

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