Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Does this mean my ham sandwich is a gateway drug...

Like most people in this day and age I've heard a lot of talk about this new fangled notion everyone's getting so worked up about called Vegetarianism.  It's true, dear readers.  There are people out there who live without the joys of meat, preferring to stick to the philosophy that if it has a face, you probably shouldn't eat it.

And fair enough, I say.  I'm sensible enough to admit that, while I personally am not willing to give up a nice rare steak or a Thai chicken curry, there is plenty of merit in the idea.  Moral issues aside, it's been proven many times over that fewer people are fed by an animal raised to be eaten than if they'd eaten what fed the animal instead.  I get it, I acknowledge it.

But I'm still going to eat meat.

Why?  Because it's damned delicious!  Biologically I'm an omnivore, and I have absolutely no problems with that.  I guess I see Vegetarianism the same way I see abortion.  I fully support anyone else who wants to do it, but I choose not to myself.

But today I learned that it's possible eating meat is more detrimental to my moral well being than I'd realised!  In this article, I discovered the following facts about people who eat meat.


  • they cheat
  • they tell lies
  • they forget promises
  • they are dishonest
  • they use bad words
  • they steal
  • they fight
  • they commit sex crimes

Huh ... I had no idea that having a hamburger could be that bad for me. 

These facts, and I use the term loosely, were published in an Indian text book for eleven year olds.  That's right, they told a bunch of pre-teens that if you eat meat, you'll become a sex offender.  This would be the part where I write something scathing and insightful about the ridiculousness of such a sentiment ... but I'm not even sure where to begin with this one.

So instead of getting preachy and judgemental, I'm just going to be glad that the next time I see a good looking guy and have the sudden urge to rip his clothes off and do unspeakable things with him, I can blame it on the pork chops I had for dinner.

49 comments:

  1. I'll have to start ordering more steak for Mrs. Cranky!

    My son was a veg. for about 6 years. He quit a few years back and everyone is glad...Vegetarians can clear a room when they pass gas...and they pass gas a lot!

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  2. And if vegetarians are such evil people -- wait til you meet the vegans! Hoo boy!

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  3. I was vegetarian for seven years, then I really wanted bacon. I have a lot of veggie and vegan friends. It's the preachy ones that I want to stab. I hate people who preach about anything though. Unless it's sporks. People can preach the fuck away about sporks.

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    1. And who wouldn't want to preach about sporks? I mean, they're a spoon, they're a fork ... they're the best of both worlds!

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  4. wow, that must be some textbook. I am proudly a meat eater, but none of the "facts" you quoted from the book. Nothing wrong with being a vegetarian, but not for me. I like bacon way too much :)

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    1. Me too. And chicken ... and steak ... and prawns ...

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  5. no way I'm giving up Thai chicken curry! so hide your purse when I stop by for a visit :>)

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    1. LOL! If that text book is to believed, we just all run around lying to each other and stealing and trying to do naughty things. Sounds like fun!

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  6. Damn pork chops. A taco made me lie to my mother yesterday.

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  7. i was a strict vegetarian for 13 years. then last year i got tired of how inconvenient it was whenever i ate dinner with other people who were meat eaters. people didn't like having me over for meals because of my eating choices and that kind of sucked. so i started eating a little when it's more convenient that way.
    for me, it's not a moral choice or anything. just for health reasons. i feel better when i don't eat meat and my chances of getting cancer (i've got too much in my family tree) decrease. good enough reasons for me to mostly stay away from it.
    that textbook is cray cray!

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    1. There are plenty of good reasons for being a Vegetarian, but I'm lazy and don't like to be inconvenienced. Besides, I don't think I could live without a nice rare steak from time to time.

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  8. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. I actually saw this in the newspaper the other day. I guess I'm a degenerate. My thoughts are that if I'm going to end up in hell, it probably isn't from chicken slaughter.

    What disturbed me much more was that this was in a widely distributed text book for children of economically challenged homes. This actually is one of the things I dislike about India. You have principals fine. Just don't go spreading your beliefs as absolute truth and propagating ignorance. Good gracious, we have enough already.

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    1. It's be embarrassing, I think, to have to admit when you got to hell that the reason you're there is for eating chicken.

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  9. I an most definitely a carnivore, but I sent this email to my friends today:

    "I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian
    because I hate plants."
    - A. Whitney Brown

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  10. I just had a fantastic velvety steak and whatever sins it leads me to, it was worth it. ;-)

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    1. You might be a reprobate, but you're an upfront reprobate.

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  11. Someone sent me a sign that really made me laugh. It read: Vegetarian is an old Indian word for Bad Hunter. Take care and happy Thanksgiving.

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  12. I have friends who are vegetarians, and since they're good at not being all high and mighty about how an innocent pig died so I could eat bacon (he had it coming), I try to be good at not telling them how sickly and gaunt they look.

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    1. That's very big of you, I'm sure they appreciate it.

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  13. ha!!! love it... i'm with you!!! another good read. take care, slu

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    1. Yes! Another Carnivarian to add to the list!

      Okay, that just sounds like we're a bunch of people who like to do circus tricks. I shouldn't be allowed to make up words.

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  14. If your ham sandwich is the drug, that makes me the drug dealer.

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    1. I hadn't thought of that! Do you stand on street corners in a big overcoat with your pockets full of bacon?

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  15. We are omnivores in this house as well. Except Jess. Her take on it? Salad is what my food eats!

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    1. LOL! That's fair enough. As Homer famously said, "You don't make friends with salad".

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  16. Bwah hahahaha to your final para.

    Well on our little piece of paradise; we grow it, pamper it, feed it, kill it, eat it.

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  17. DAMN, so that's the reason I swear so much huh? Stupid ass burgers and steaks.

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  18. Quite a few of my friends are vegetarians and vegans, I'd love to stab them as well... Damn chicken I had for lunch!

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    1. Obviously your homicidal tendencies result from your consumption of chicken. I think we've just proven the text books true ;D

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  19. hahahaha!!!! I'm the vegetarian in our family and my husband is THE meat eater--and I swear more, and forget promises more often than he...I think it's because I'm just SO DAMN HUNGRY. ;) hee!

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    1. ROFL! No need to be hungry even if you are a vegetarian! Last I checked donuts weren't animals.

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  20. Well, the textbook isn't technically wrong. They just need to specify that ALL types of people do horrible things. I respect vegans because that's tough since just about everything has eggs as an ingredient. I'll stick to my green tea enemas. Those are healthy.

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    1. Absolutely, as long as you have them nice and hot ;D

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  21. I used to be a vegetarian in my younger years. Since I began eating meat, I've killed numerous people and made a skin mask, which I only wear whilst enjoying meat.

    Thanks a lot, Bacon!

    Hugs!

    Valerie

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    1. See, if only they'd warned us of the dangers of eating meat when we were 11, you could have avoided a life of people skin masks!

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  22. I saw a t-shirt the other day that said "If God hadn't intended us to eat animals he wouldn't have made them out of meat". My Mum commented that if you wore it in public you would probably be beaten to death by a vegan wielding a woven hemp handbag.

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    1. Very true. For a bunch of people who must be iron deficient, they are a vicious bunch.

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  23. Lol @ the pork chops - think Mrs M is going to use that one now.
    Each to their own I say as long you keep it to yourself and not preach to others about it - I however will not be giving up a traditional roast dinner for anyone!!!

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  24. It's all the fault of the Lamb Chop. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

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  25. Hahahahaha omg this whole post and then the comment above this. Dying...

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  26. I guess maybe as a vegetarian, Hitler had an off day and indulged in a steak. Boom, genocidal tendencies. If only he'd been stricter with the no-meat thing!

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  27. Lol! I thought you meant THE Homer! It seemed strange so I looked up the quote to see the context.. Doh! :)

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