Dear bicyclist who was on the road this morning,
I'm trying very hard to remain calm here. I don't want to lash out at you in anger, that's not going to get us anywhere, but you're really not making it easy for me. I'm just having a hard time understanding why you insist on going out there on the road every day and wilfully putting your life (and my sanity) on the line!
I get it, I really do. Being a cyclist is difficult. You ride around on a small tin machine with only a fibre glass helmet and a terrifyingly tight pair of bike pants to protect you. It must be awfully stressful, navigating roads filled with roaring metal contraptions that seem to want to run you down.
So I would have expected that you'd take more care with your personal safety, not less. I know the traffic this morning was going slower than usual, but that doesn't give you leave to overtake me in a narrow lane, swerve in front of me, then look over your shoulder and start yelling at me! I hate to break it to you sweetheart, but what you did was against the road rules, and if you insist on riding on the roads with the rest of us, then we're going to have to insist that you follow them!
Your action were irresponsible and dangerous, you could have gotten yourself hurt, and trying to blame me for them just because you were scared and feeling guilty isn't going to help anyone! If you want to ride your bike on the road I won't object, but I refuse to support you if you're just going to use it as an excuse to pirouette around me, trying to get yourself turned into a little greasy spot on the bitumen!
I'm sorry, I don't mean to shout. I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed. I don't want to see you hurt, and god knows I don't want to be the one that hurts you.
So here's the deal ... I'll accept half of the responsibility for your safety, if you'll accept the other half. Come on, it's a fair deal. Up until now I've been doing all the heavy lifting in this relationship, making sure I know where you are at all times while you duck and weave through traffic like a five year old on pixie sticks. All I'm asking for is a little care for your own well being on your part ... and perhaps brushing up on the road rules wouldn't be a bad idea either.
P.S. Don't take my jibe about the tight bike pants to heart, you've got a rather nice rear so they're really quite fetching.