Friday, November 23, 2012

A passion for fashion...

I've never been what you would call fashion forward.  Honestly, as long as my clothes aren't full of holes or too wrinkled when I leave in the morning, I call that a win.  I have no idea what colours go with what, whether stripes and checks really clash, or which tops look best with which skirts.  As long as I'm decent, everyone else will just have to put up with my lack of style.

I understand the female obsession with shoes even less.  Given a choice I would probably opt to go barefoot all the time.

So this new craze for having foot surgery just so you can wear those exquisitely uncomfortable, albeit cute looking, shoes?  Yeah, I don't get it at all.

I mean seriously, who decides that they'll get their little toe removed because it's messing with their ability to wear a pair of stilettos?  I've seen some cute shoes before, but I don't think I've ever seen a pair I'd be willing to permanently disfigure my feet over.

Still, I suppose it's not the first time we've done something batshit crazy in the name of beauty.  Here are some of some of the weird, terrifying or just plain insane beauty practices the human race has used at one time or another in their attempt to pretty themselves up.


  • In order to get their teeth whiter and their breath fresher, the ancient Romans would gargle with urine.  Gross, I know, but apparently the ammonia in it was a good way to kill any dental bacteria.  They imported the urine from Portugal, which has got to be the world's most disgusting trade agreement.  I'm not sure why they didn't save themselves the expense and use their own ... I'm guessing that they thought it'd be weird to gargle with their own urine.
  • The ancient Greeks got in on the action too.  Their chosen insanity was to bathe in crocodile dung, which they believed had beautifying powers.  Putting the gross factor aside, you have to feel sorry for the poor guy who got stuck with the job of collecting it.
  • In Japan, geisha used to use a paint made of rice flour and bird faeces to whiten their faces.  Personally, I have a hard enough time working up the nerve to clean out my cockatiel's cage, let alone smearing the contents of the tray liner over my face and wearing it around for hours on end.  Jeez, didn't it smell?
  • The medieval European's were also into the whole skin-whitening shenanigans but rather than just using something gross they opted to go with stupidly dangerous.  They'd coat their faces with white lead and arsenic powder.  Sure it made them pale, but maybe that had more to do with the fact they were poisoning themselves slowly to death.


It kind of makes you wonder how we managed to survive as a species, doesn't it.

32 comments:

  1. After I had my first child I went up a shoe size, apparently because the ligaments in my feet had all relaxed. I was told they could be fixed, by smashing my feet up and re-building them. I opted for bigger shoes!
    Such madness, they might fit into the shoes, but imagine how disgusting they will look without them.

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  2. People are just plain crazy, especially fashionistas.

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  3. That was indeed gross. No, I wouldn't cut off any body parts in order to look better either. At the rate I'm going, they'll all fall off by themselves anyway. :)

    RE: fashion sense....I've found blue jeans will go with any t-shirt, any color, any design. Smart, huh? :)

    S

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  4. Pardon my language, but there is so much craziness in the post that I can't help but say "Holy Shit" every other line. I mean, people lop off their toe for shoes!?! Bathing in crocodile dung!?! The urine gargling I get, but bird poo? What is wrong with...hold on, it's time to brush my teeth, c'mere Jessup, I needs mouth wash.


    (I grossed myself out with that but also laughed so hard I couldn't delete it.)

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    1. LOL! Hey, no judging here. This is a judgement free zone.

      Yeah, I know, no one's going to believe that. I judge like I'm doing it for Australia in the Olympics.

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  5. I think I'll stick to the Edwardian practice of swallowing a tape worm to keep myself slim. Apparently the parasite would eat most of the food.

    Well you know what they say, that which doesn't kill you, will probably maim you for life...or words to that affect.

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    1. Ah, those kooky Edwardians and their hilarious parasitic diet tips!

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  6. How are you so on top of all the craziness in the world? I never heard of this!

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    1. I just have a natural talent for sniffing out the ridiculous :D

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  7. what about waxing - or as they call it here 'the Brazilian'. yikes and no thanks. and since I'm such a wuss on pain you will know where I stand on toe removal... again... yikes! and no thanks!

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    1. Hot wax and ripping? No way any of that's getting near my hoohaa!

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  8. I know there are people who are into feet and shoes, but I just don't get it. If I were to have a fetish it wouldn't be for feet. Take care and have a Happy Thanksgiving.

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    1. I'm pretty easy when it comes to fetishes. Whatever floats your boat, I say.

      Except for those creepy clown porn people. Eww!!

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  9. Feet binding.. neck rings..

    But I do think your shoe photo looks fabulous! :) I think (non-mutilating or otherwise non-deadly) fashion is fun - on other people. I am as daggy as they come, but I enjoy seeing others look good :) You look very nice in your photo Kellie - you have a great smile. You have your own style :)

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    1. Aww, thanks! I've come to terms with my lack of style, it doesn't bother me anymore. I find it's much more important to me to be able to answer random Sci Fi trivia than to dress well.

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  10. I was just discussing crazy shoes this morning!

    But leaving fashion aside given the things every man I know got up to as a teenager, I'm surprised we have any men left.

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    1. That's true, they're definitely a bit stupid as teenagers, bless 'em.

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  11. Wanted crocadile shit collector...must be quick afoot, able to not barf at bad odors, love danger a plus...ambition not needed!

    Where did you find these beauty treatments?

    Fun post.

    Oh and the shoes...HOT!! I'm just sayin.

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    1. I regularly pray to Our Lord Google, and he provides me with stupid facts :D

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  12. I have stubby toes, like a baby pig, so never need to have surgery. As for the other stuff, I always figured our ancestors smelt bad.

    Interesting facts!

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    1. I'd imagine so, given they wandered around with poo on their bodies and pee in their gobs!

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  13. I literally just vomited in my mouth and got light headed when i read the part about removing the little toe. EW!

    Hugs!

    Valerie

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    1. It's insane, isn't it! Some people don't deserve toes!

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  14. Oh man...that's brutal about the stilettos. Ugh.
    Those are some interesting and also disgusting facts.

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    1. Well as they say we should learn from history so we don't repeat it. I don't think any of us want to do any of those things again!

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  15. Stiletto heels are a popular dominatrix toy, so they're more than just a fashion accessory. Removing toes is going too far though.

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    1. That's true. I suppose a Domme could write the toe removal off on her tax as a work expense!

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  16. oh Kellie, I agree. I love shoes BUT to a certain point. I have this stupid corn growing on my right little toe outer side that causes many a shoe to pinch, hurt or be just plain PAINFUL. and ...I won't even get it remove (because I need to have the toe completely rebuilt with a joint replaced in it) huh? ya! I won't have it done. I just wear a cushiony band-aid thingy or I don't buy the shoes and problem fades away........

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    1. But at least you have a real reason if you chose to go ahead with it. I'm guessing that these woman don't really.

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