I think we all had a toy in our childhood that we wanted desperately, but never got. For me it was a toy robot called Maxx Steele which, if the commercials were to be believed, could bring you drinks, clean up your room, and talk to you. Of course now I realise that it was just a glorified remote control car with a few key phrases saved on a tape deck, but what can I say! It was the 80's, and I was only 8 years old!
I remember asking my mother if I could have it, and then I remember the laughter and the incredulous looks. Apparently she didn't think that $350 was a good deal for a child's toy. I suppose in hind sight I can see where she was coming from. With the rate of inflation, that was about $800 back then!
So I gave up my dreams of owning a robot that would put my toys away for me, and over time completely forgot about Maxx Steele. That is, at least, until I was reading the news this morning.
Apparently someone in Japan was also denied the pleasure of owning a robot when they were little, because now they've gone and built one. And holy shit, but that's a terrifying looking machine!
It weighs 4 tonne, cost more than 1.3 million dollars, and ... this is the most terrifying part ... has a freaking gatling gun attached that will shoot six thousand bullets a minute if the controller smiles. Seriously, if he smiles! Tell him a joke, and he could cause that behemoth to spray bullets everywhere. For gods sake, don't even think of a Knock Knock!
I'm not even sure WHY they'd want to tie the robot's actions to the controller's facial expressions. What else? It goes forward if he frowns? Does the robot dance if he makes a surprised face? Maybe they should make it so it does things only for the really weird facial expressions. It shoots only if the controller makes a fish face, perhaps? It's sure as hell got to be a better idea than the whole giggles equals gun activation thing they've got going on.
So parents, next time your little darling asks for some ridiculously expensive gadget, heed my warning! THIS is what happens when you stop a bunch of kids from owning futuristic robots when they're little! They grow up and build them themselves.