Saturday, August 18, 2012

Crims of a feather...

I've often contemplated a life of crime, but to be honest I'm far too lazy.  What with coming up with a scam, planning it, getting together a group of plucky ex-cons to help you execute it, finding an alibi that will hold water, and running off to Argentina to take advantage of their lack of an extradition treaty, I just don't think I'm up to the challenge.  I know enough to admit when something's out of my league.

But this article about a couple of canary thieves had me wondering if I'd given up too soon.

Apparently two fellows decided that their best bet to become part of the criminal community was to steal 500 canaries from an 87 year old man.  Yep, you read right, canaries.  I'm not sure if that'd be the first thing I'd think of if I was planning a major haul like that, but I suppose they had to work with what they had.

My first thought when I read about it was that maybe it was a prank.  Maybe they stole them to release them, as a protest against the cruelty of keeping birds in cages.  Maybe they were on a treasure hunt and somewhere on the list was 500 canaries.  But no, apparently their motives were a lot less whimsical.  They were in it for the money.  It seems that at $30 a pop, that many canaries has a street value of $15,000.

And there's something I'd never thought I'd find myself writing about ... the street value of a canary.

You've got to give them credit though, they saw an opportunity and they took it.  And lets be honest, stealing 500 canaries had to be a logistical nightmare!  What with the noise and the fluttering and the bird faeces ... oh god, think of the bird faeces ... it can't have been an easy thing to do.  I'd almost be impressed, if I didn't remember that they stole them from some poor old Grandpa.

Those birds were probably his pride and joy, and those avianappers stole them without any remorse.  They were just winging it, and they didn't give a flock if they ruffled his feathers.

Okay, sorry, I'll stop with the puns.

30 comments:

  1. Sounds like it was a pretty bird-brained scheme to me.

    Did they ultimately run a-fowl of the law?

    Did one of the flock of felons then turn the others in by singing like a little canary?

    You're right -- it is a story rife with punability!

    ;^)

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  2. Where's a Stool Pigeon when you need one for those poor canaries?
    Did they take them to the Canary Islands?
    Were they mining for gold? Poor poor canaries...

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  3. OH.MY.GOD. That's a lot of canaries and a lot of canary poop! Ewwww!

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    1. I imagine they were knee deep in it pretty quickly.

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  4. How sad is it that from this post I didn't get the sorrow of the man from losing his treasured pets. Or the discomfort and bewilderment the poor birds must have been feeling. Oh no. It's the fact that you spelled faeces with an A. I need to get a life.

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    1. LOL! Sorry, I'm Australian. We tend to use British spelling.

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  5. Did they sing like a canary when they were caught?
    The fact that there is a 'street value' on birds, is so 50 shades of messed up. :D

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    1. Poor little birds. I just hope they didn't cram them into pockets in an overcoat so they could sell them in shady alleyways.

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  6. is it weird that my thoughts reading that were "i wonder if they could have composted the canary poo and sold it as fertilizer for a little extra bonus."?

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    1. Well I suppose they might have been ecologically conscious thieves.

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  7. This is a weird and wacky event/people thing that is what makes your posts so lively. Keep it up. I love to read your stuff!! Great posts!!

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    1. I'm glad you're enjoying them! I just love the ridiculousness of humanity.

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  8. If I were ever going to steal something it would definitely be 500 canaries... oh the joy of it! ;-)

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    1. It's definitely something to aspire to. Or you could up the ante? Try for 500 cockatiels?

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  9. Wow. How can a canary be worth that much? Can you find out what I would get for a peregrine falcon? Those things are attracted to me. I could start selling them, and start my own little business.

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    1. I'm not sure what the street value of a peregrine falcon would be, but you'd have to assume it'd be more than a canary. If we're going on weight alone, you could be sitting on a fortune!

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  10. I love the image of some guy lurking in an alley, luring unsuspecting passersby in with a "Psst...wanna canary? 100% genuine..." and then opening one side of his massively ballooned trench coat to reveal rows of bird cages.

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    1. Oh, what I wouldn't give for that to be how they sold them!

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  11. This is crazy. It just proves that people will do anything for a buck! I am also wondering why in the world this old guy had 500 canaries in the first place?

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    1. I'm wondering WHERE he had them! That's a lot of birds, they must have taken up a lot of space!

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  12. Be honest. You had to have been laughing out loud as you wrote this. C'mon. Tell us.

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  13. Only slight snickering...I've just discovered your delightful blog, and am now following!
    So nice to meet you!
    Hugs,
    Anne

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    1. Welcome to my insanity! Don't worry, it's not contagious.

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  14. What's an old man doing with that many canaries anyway? The thing about the street value of canaries is that when you get that many canaries, you don't sell 'em whole, you cut in baking soda and double your haul. There's no pure canaries once you get down to street-level. That's why I buy my canaries straight from Mexico.

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    1. It's when the buyers try snorting them they really get into trouble. Inhaling a canary, even one cut with baking soda, isn't as easy as most imagine.

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  15. Wow! Thats quite the robbery sceme! Now it's getting me wondering, some peoples dogs are worth thousands, maybe they could steal a pitbull worth $5000 next! I mean, three dogs gotta be easier to steal then 500 birds!

    But in the end, I hope they get caught and end up as jailbirds! ha ha! what? that's funny!

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    1. I'd imagine that the risks involved in stealing the pitbull are higher, thus the higher resale rate. After all, you deserve the compensation if your haul could potentially rip your face off.

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