It was a dark and stormy night when Harry crept into Draco's dorm room...

There's one question I get asked a lot that never fails to make me gulp in a visually comical way.

"So, Kellie, what are you reading at the moment?"

I'm sure you guys know what I'm talking about.  When people find out you like to write, it's just a short jump to assuming (quite correctly) that you like to read too.  And if you like to read, then you must have some amazing recommendations of stuff that will blow their minds.  Perhaps some hidden gem that will turn out to be the next Harry Potter series.

Oh boy, I could definitely recommend things that would blow their minds ... I'm just not sure if I should.

Okay, I'll just come out and say it ... I read fan fiction.

I know, I know, I'm not supposed to like that stuff.  Or at least I'm not supposed to admit to liking that stuff.  But you know what?  I'm done with the hiding!  I'm coming out of the literary closet!

I'm a fan fiction reader, and proud of it!

And really, before you go scoffing at my lack of literary depth you really should try it first.  I can't even begin to tell you how wonderful it is knowing that somewhere out in the world there's a small army of people, and they're all writing hundreds of thousands of words a day about shows and characters that I already love.  I never run out of things to read, I get to see what my favourite characters would do in situations the TV networks would never allow them to be in, and I don't have to pay a cent for it!

So instead of hiding my literary leanings, I've decided I'm just going to be honest from now on.  When someone asks me what I'm reading now, I'm just going to tell them.  Maybe I'll even give them an URL or two.

But I don't think I'll warn them about the tendency fan fiction authors have to pile on the homoerotica and make all their characters gay.  I'll just leave that as a surprise.



Kellie's Fan Fiction Recommendations (just some of my favourites)

Sandstorms [link] by Mithreon (Stargate Atlantis) - Lot and lots of angst here.  I cried so much reading it! 

Make A Wish [link] by Rorschach's Blot (Harry Potter) - This was written before the series was finished, but it's hilarious and well worth the read.   

My Father's Keeper [link] by Emerald1 (NCIS) - Another angsy offering, this time with poor Tim McGee getting the rough end of the stick. 

Syrup and Honey [link] by LauGS (Glee) - a really well done "what if" story where Kurt owns a bakery. 

Ianto Jones' Diary [link] by Torchwoodfour (Torchwood) - This one was great!  A bit of a "missing scenes" one, in the form of a Bridget Jonesesque diary written by good old Ianto.  

Feel free to leave recommendations of your own in the comments!  I'm always looking for new stuff to read!

If I'd known how much money there was to be made in World of Warcraft, I wouldn't have suspended my account...

Source

I was always lead to believe that gold farming in World Of Warcraft wasn't a particularly lucrative career.  Don't they always say that Chinese gold farmers make thirty cents an hour or something equally horrendous?

But it turns out there is a way to make a living from playing computer games after all ... although I wouldn't recommend converting said living into gold bullion and storing it in your house.  Really, you're just asking for robbers to come knocking.

Want to read more?  Head on over to Sprocketink.com and read this week's article [link]

If MySpace is coming back from the dead, does that make it a zombie site...

source

A long time ago, back in the dark ages of the internet before streaming video was common and Facebook was just a glimmer in Mr Zuckerberg's eye, I had an account on a little page called MySpace.

Ah, those were the days, where you could do such innovative things like post a profile, put a pretty picture behind it, and if you were particularly clever set some music to play in the background.

Don't laugh, you young whippersnappers!  These were the pioneering days of social networking!  We had no idea back then what was possible!

For those of you who don't remember (or have blocked it out), MySpace was one of the first popular social networking sites out there.  Imagine Facebook, but without the apps.  There was no Farmville or Candy Crush back then, my children.  We had to play games the old fashioned way ... at games.com.

We all had a page, and we were all friends with Tom (the creator of the site who took the opportunity to make sure he had more friends than anyone else).  But its popularity took a nosedive as Facebook's grew.  It just couldn't compete with having the ability to virtually poke people, I'm afraid.

But I read the other day that MySpace is trying to make a comeback [link].  That's right, for all you people who are feeling nostalgic about the early 2000's you can now log back into your MySpace accounts and start using it again in its new and improved incarnation!

Oh god, I just realised what this means, another social networking site to keep up with.  What with Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Pinterest and Instagram, I think I'm going to have to give up sleeping just to fit another one in!

And the new leader of the geeks is...

Well today's the day, my little geeklets!  The guesses have been tallied and only one person was able to identify all of the items and name all four areas of geekdom ... and that winner is Pickleope!  Congratulations Pickleope, and here's hoping you pick something fun with your gift voucher!

A lot of people said that they saw something Lord Of The Rings themed in the picture, but to my knowledge I don't have anything from that fandom.  Do I have random geeky things sneaking their way onto my desk now?  Anyone want to fill me in on what it is that's convinced everyone I'm a Hobbit lover?

For those of you who are interested, the four categories of geekdom that you were looking for are as below.

1. Doctor Who:  Nothing makes hot chocolate taste better than drinking it from a TARDIS mug!  And yes, for those of you wondering, it IS bigger on the inside!  There's also a wee little picture of the TARDIS in the silver frame, which was what I got out of my cracker two years ago at the work Christmas party.  Well, what else was I supposed to do with a one and a half inch frame!
2. Nerdfighters:  The quote that's printed on that poster is by John Green, one of the founding brothers of Nerdfighteria.  It's one that pretty much epitomises what it means to be a geek, and why that's an awesome thing.  If you want to read it in it's entirety, you can here.
3. Harry Potter:  Yep, I have a wand.  I like to pull it out when someone asks me to do something impossible and tell that that I'll get right on it as soon as I remember the spell to perform miracles.  Also, it's very handy for pointing to things on the computer screen.
4. Star Trek:  That mouse mat was a gift from a friend years ago.  Although you can only sort of see it, I'm photoshopped into the picture standing next to Tuvok.  There's also a very small group shot of them in the purple frame, but I thought that was probably too small for anyone to make out.

Yeah, I know.  That's an awful lot of pure geek for one desk, but what can I say.  I'm hard core.

It's not for the novice, that's for damned sure...

So on the weekend I decided to introduce a friend of mine, let's call him Bob for privacy sake, to the delight that is Star Trek Voyager by having a bit of a marathon.

Yeah, that probably wasn't the best idea.

Bob:  So that chick with the really red hair... 

Me:  Captain Janeway. 

Bob:  Yeah, her.  She's the captain of The Voyager? 

Me:  Not The Voyager, it's just Voyager.   

Bob:  Huh ... but they say The Enterprise... 

Me:  True, but it's just Voyager.  No "the". 

Bob:  Okay ... and the guy with the pointy ears? 

Me:  That's Tuvok.  He's a Vulcan. 

Bob:  I see ... and who's the guy standing next to him?

Me:  That's Neelix.  He's the ship's Morale Officer and the cook. 

Bob:  Oh ... that explains the chef hat.  Is he a Vulcan too? 

Me:  No, he's a Talaxian!  Dude ... he's furry, with spots, and about four feet tall!  What about that made you think he's a Vulcan? 

Bob:  Well their names sound kind of similar. 

Me:  So because they have similar sounding names they have to be from the same planet?  That's speciesist! 

Bob:  Okay, calm down crazy lady!  Jeez, you take this stuff pretty seriously, don't you! 

Me:  Damn right I do! 

Bob:  Okaaaaay  ... what about that dark haired guy with the tattoo on his face?  What species is he? 

Me:  Human. 

Bob:  But ... what's the pattern on his face then? 

Me:  A tattoo. 

Bob:  *muttering* of course it it. 

Me:  This isn't working is it.  I'm not going to be able to convert you am I. 

Bob:  No, I don't think so ... 

Me:  ... 

Bob: ... 

Me:  So, Doctor Who then? 

Bob:  Bring on the Weeping Angels!

So it turns out that Star Trek Voyager is not for the amateurs, alas.  I guess some people just aren't up to handling its awesomeness.

Don't worry though, Bob, we'll always have the Weeping Angels.  

Holes in the fabric of space/time...

Time travel.

Yeah, I went there.  I'm edgy like that.

The reason for my non sequitur, you ask?  Well, it's because I'm pretty sure I've discovered actual, honest to god proof that time travel exists.  Or at least that it's possible for pockets of one time to crop up in another.

It's kind of like that British show "Goodnight Sweetheart" about the guy who discovers a portal to WWII era London in an alleyway so he opens up a second hand shop right near it, thus providing the audience with charming wartime stories and his store with exceptionally cheap good quality antiques.  But the portal I've discovered isn't being used by a delightful cockney man, nor is it helping anyone sell 1940's era coins.

No, the portal I've found ... and got photographic proof of ... is in the Ralph Lauren in Sydney.

Yeah, I know, it's a pretty big claim.  I'm sure many of you are out there scoffing right now, thinking to yourselves "Oh Kellie, you silly person you!  Even if time travel did exist, why on earth would it be in the Ralph Lauren store?"  To that question, dear readers, I have no answer.  All I can do is present my evidence.

This is a photo I took while I was on holidays in Sydney back in March.  As you can quite clearly see, there is compelling evidence that a portal to 1987 has opened up, and the fashion from that era is seeping through into our time.

The distinctive colours, patterns, and styles of the items on display are clearly not from this time period.  In fact, I'm almost certain that I remember seeing Carlton from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air wearing something similar in EVERY SINGLE EPISODE!!!

As it's rather unlikely that Ralph Lauren would allow such monstrosities to appear in their displays unless there was some sort of space/time phenomenon, the natural conclusion is that a pocket of time from the late eighties has spontaneously appeared in the middle of their store.

Hopefully this isn't some sort of portent about the end of the world ... I always said I thought the whole Maya calendar bro-ha-ha was a crock and it'd be really embarrassing if it turned out to be right.  But if it is, and this turns out to be the beginning of the end, I just want you all to know that I love and value each and every one of you.

No, don't look at me, I don't want you to see me cry...

Something's gotta give...

Thanks Pinocchio, just tear
the space-time continuum
to shreads!

Like all good Doctor Who fans, I do love a paradox.  It always gives me a little thrill to wrap my brain around something that shouldn't make sense, but does.  It's the geek in me I guess.

I think that's why I love that old song "Something's Gotta Give", where an irresistible force meets an immovable object.  Which, of course, is completely impossible.  If a force is irresistible, then it's not possible for an immovable object to even exist.

And there are so many of them, like the Crocodile Paradox, where if a crocodile steals a man's child and promises to return it if the man correctly predicts what the crocodile will do, what does the crocodile do if the man says that the crocodile won't return the child?  Or the Socratic Paradox, which refers to a quote that Plato attributed to Socrates that went "I know one thing, that I know nothing".  Or even the good old which came first, the chicken or the egg ... which we all know the answer to.  Eggs have totally been around longer than chickens!  Dinosaurs laid them for gods sake!

But I think the most mind blowing paradox I've ever heard of though was the one described in Robert Heinlein's short story "All You Zombies".  It's basically a version of the Grandfather Paradox on steroids.  We've all heard the old "If you travel back in time and kill your own grandfather, how can you have been born to travel back in time and kill your own grandfather" schtick, this just takes it several steps beyond that.

A baby girl is mysteriously left at an orphanage in Cleveland in 1945. "Jane" grows up lonely and dejected, not knowing who her parents are, until one day in 1963 she is strangely attracted to a drifter. 

She falls in love with him. But just when things are finally looking up for Jane, a series of disasters strike. First, she becomes pregnant by the drifter, who then disappears. Second, during the complicated delivery, doctors find that Jane has both sets of sex organs, and to save her life, they are forced to surgically convert "her" to a "him." Finally, a mysterious stranger kidnaps her baby from the delivery room. 

Reeling from these disasters, rejected by society, scorned by fate, "he" becomes a drunkard and drifter. Not only has Jane lost her parents and her lover, but he has lost his only child as well. 

Years later, in 1970, he stumbles into a lonely bar, called Pop's Place, and spills out his pathetic story to an elderly bartender. The bartender offers the drifter the chance to avenge the stranger who left her pregnant and abandoned, on the condition that he (Jane) join the "time travelers corps." Both of them enter a time machine, and the bartender drops off the drifter in 1963. 

The drifter is strangely attracted to a young orphan woman, who subsequently becomes pregnant. The bartender then goes forward nine months, kidnaps the baby girl from the hospital, and drops off the baby in an orphanage back in 1945. Then the bartender drops off the thoroughly confused drifter in 1985, to enlist in the time travelers corps. 

The drifter eventually gets his life together, becomes a respected and elderly member of the time travelers corps, and then disguises himself as a bartender and has his most difficult mission: a date with destiny, meeting a certain drifter at Pop's Place in 1970.

Essentially, the girl, the baby, the drifter and the bartender are all the same person.  Is your mind blown?  If not, try doing up a family tree for poor Jane.  That'll definitely send you round the twist!

The greatest love of all...

I’m in love.

Yes, you heard correctly.  I, the most jaded person on the planet, am in love.  It’s exhilarating, terrifying, and completely inappropriate.  You see, I’m having an affair with my iPad.

What can I say, ours is a forbidden love.

I have to confess I avoided the whole iPhone/iPad kerfuffle for a very long time.  I stuck to my old mobile long after its contract ran out, doggedly insisting that I didn't need no new fangle contraption!  A good old nokia was good enough for me, thank you very much!

Me too, dude, me too...

But eventually my old phone gave up the ghost and I was forced to seek a replacement.  Of course these days it's practically impossible NOT to get a smart phone when you go looking.  When you tell the sales people that you just want a normal phone they look at you like you like you're talking Greek!  So, being the marketer's dream that I am, I allowed them to talk me into getting my first ever iPhone.

It was a flirtation, a crush.  We danced around each other, but in no way did it replace my reliable old laptop.  Still, I enjoyed it's company.  I could email with it, send long and rambling text messages (someting that my old phone would have had a coronary about) and surf the internet, all on my phone!  It was like a whole new world opened up to me, one where I could read fanfiction.net stories in bed into the wee hours of the morning.

That was about a year and a half ago, and for twelve months my iPhone and I got along beautifully.  We went everywhere together and it kept me happily amused through many a boring meeting or function.  But eventually I realised as good as we were together, it wasn't a perfect match.  There was something missing from our relationship, some spark.

The question was where could I find that spark?  Certainly not my staid, stay-at-home laptop.  Its dependability was comforting, but the passion was definitely gone from the relationship.  No, it was time for something new.  That's when I started toying with the idea of getting an iPad.

I didn't get a free human ... gypped!

Now the thing you need to understand about me is that when I want something, I can't wait.  Instant gratification, baby!  So pretty much the day I decided I couldn't live without an iPad in my life, I trotted out and got myself one.  There was no thinking about it, no shopping around, I just walked straight into my Telstra store and asked them about their deals.  Half an hour late, I walked out with the new love of my life.

And that was the start of our whirlwind illicit romance!  If my laptop was my wife and my iPhone was my office crush, then my brand new iPad was definitely my mistress.  Suddenly things I would have previously done on the laptop, I just snuck away to my room and did them on the iPad instead.  It was new, exciting, and so so passionate.

My brother thought I was insane though.  Not because I was cheating on my laptop, oh no, he's all for having affairs with new technology, his problem was the fact that I bought the iPad 2 only a week or so before the new one came out.

Okay, fair cop.

But like I said, when I want something, I want it right away! And from what I hear, it's not like the new iPad is really that much better.  So it's got a better camera, it's not like I'm going to use the camera on it.  That's what the iPhone is for!  So it's video quality is a tad nicer, with a screen that size you're not really going to notice.  So it's faster, when you're talking about fractions of a second, it's not like it's going to make any difference to you!

Maybe I'm fooling myself.  Maybe I'm just making up excuses because, in typical Kellie fashion, I went out and impetuously bought something expensive before checking all my options (it's not the most expensive thing I've bought like that, once I bought a car in an afternoon), but I don't regret it.

If loving my iPad 2 is wrong, then I don't want to be right.

Fight the good fight, and all that jazz...

There's a secret war raging every day, right under our noses, and most of us have no idea it even exists.  In every workplace you'll find signs of it, indications that there are secret battle plans afoot.  The workmate at the next desk who "borrows" your favourite pen but never seems to return it.  The photocopier that seems to always mysteriously run out of paper just as you're printing that huge report that your manager asked you to get to him in five minutes.  The in-tray that miraculously never seems to empty, no matter how many hours you put into paperwork.

Yes, it's cubicle warfare.

If you've ever had the pleasure (insert sarcasm here) of working in a cubicle farm, you'll understand what I'm talking about.  Every inch of desk space is hard fought and won.  Every novelty stapler and letter opener secretly coveted.  Every poster hung from fuzzy orange divider board defended with zealous enthusiasm.

It's dog eat dog in the office, ladies and gentlemen, and you need to be prepared to fight if you want to survive this one.

So, to assist you all, I've compiled a list of essentials for engaging the enemy in guerrilla cubicle warfare.

1.  Da Vinci's Wood Catapult Kit

Nothing says warfare like a piece of artillery that dates back to the Ancient Romans.  The person on the other side of the divider is making too much noise while you're trying to balance a spreadsheet and you don't want to stand up to tell them to shut up?  Just set this baby to work!  They'll stop their yapping quick smart when they get a face full of M&M's!

Sure, it's no trebuchet, but beggars can't be choosers.

2.  Bullet Proof Body Armour Clipboard

You never know when a fellow workmate is going to strike.  Maybe they don't appreciate your penchant for novelty paperweights.  Maybe they hate the way you click your pen repeatedly when you're thinking.  Maybe they can't stand it when you hum Air Supply under your breath when you're reading reports.

Whatever it is, you need to be able to defend yourself, and this bullet proof clipboard, made from body armour, is perfect for this.

3.  USB Rocket Launcher

As those of us who work in a cubicle know, power points are usually worth their weight in gold in an office.  There's never enough of them to service all the different legitimate pieces of office equipment, let alone your tools of war.

So that's why this USB powered rocket launcher is genius!  No need to take up valuable power real estate, just plug it into your computer USB and start shooting at that annoying cubicle neighbour who won't stop stealing your stapler.

4.  Mini Remote Control Forklift

It happens to all of us.  One day you look up from your computer screen and realise that over time, your cubicle neighbours have encroached on your territory.  First it's a pile of papers, then it's a hole punch, then a couple of folder.

Next thing you know, the boundaries have been redrawn using in-tray towers.  And we all know that an in-tray tower is the official cubicle boundary line marker!

But fear not!  With this handy mini remote controlled forklift, you can just move those trespassing office supplies back to where they belong ... on top of your neighbour's keyboard.


I know the war is long and hard (that's what she said!), but if we fight to the last man we will be victorious.  So soldier, you just keep your head down, don't be a hero, and hopefully we'll all get out of this battle alive!

Ensign Expendable and the red shirt of death...

Anyone who is a Star Trek fan knows what it means to be a redshirt.  If you were one of the unlucky ones to find yourself planetside, standing next to the Captain, and wearing a red shirt ... might as well make out your will and accept your inevitable fate.  You were a dead crewman walking.

I never quite understood how a whole army of aliens could be shooting at Captain Kirk and he doesn't get a scratch, but if some unnamed redshirt is unlucky enough to be sent down with him ... you can bet your last ten bucks he'll be felled in the first five minutes.  You'd think that after a while they'd work out the statistics and just send Kirk down on his own.  It would have saved the lives of a lot of innocent redshirts.

The statistics are very interesting though.  In this article someone has actually gone to the trouble of crunching the numbers.  In the original series there were 59 crew member deaths, which is approximately 13.7% of a total crew of 430.  With that mortality rate it makes you wonder why anyone signed up, doesn't it!

Of those deaths, six were yellowshirts, five were blueshirts, four wore engineering smocks, and a whopping 43 were redshirts.  That's 73% people!  Poor bastards didn't really stand a chance.

The redshirts deserve to be acknowledged for their sacrifices.  It might be long overdue, but finally this injustice has been righted.  Jonathan Coulton, the man who penned such classics as Tom Cruise Crazy and Code Monkey has written this song dedicated to the brave, noble redshirts who died in defence of The Federation.

Your sacrifices will never be forgotten, Ensign Expendable.  It's thanks to you The Federation continues to survive.

Happy birthday to me...

Well today is my birthday.  Happy birthday, me!!!  Congratulations, you made it to thirty mumble years old without dying, good job!

And to celebrate, I plan to go to work and wear a plastic tiara all day to make sure that everyone who comes by knows it's my birthday.  After all, what's the point of working on your birthday if you don't make sure everyone knows about it and treats you like a princess!

I'm sure you'll all be happy to know I AM getting my magic wand universal remote for my birthday ... but not from my brother.  I'd assumed he'd be the only one willing to spend money on what even I can admit is a silly novelty.  A wonderfully silly novelty!   But no, he'd already decided he wanted to get me something else.

Diablo 3!

He signed me up for it and I've been downloading the program for the past five days.  That's right, THE PAST FIVE DAYS!  Seriously, Blizzard, you might want to take a look at that downloader.  The damn thing crashed on me so many times I was beginning to think it wouldn't finish downloading until my next birthday!  But finally, on Saturday afternoon, it finished whirring away and told me that I could go in and play.

So, first impressions!  I've got to say there's a lot to like about this game.  It's easy to play, the storyline is engaging enough to be interesting, but not so complex that you just decide to skip over it, and I found the similarities to World of Warcraft to be comforting.  The quests seem to be well thought out and guide you through the storyline, which is nice because I'm notorious for getting sidetracked in things like that.  The number of times I was on a quest chain in WoW and then got distracted by some other NPC asking me to collect thirty boar gizzards or rescue a baby dragon or get their moonshine from a goblin with a recalcitrant attitude ... well, lets just say I could get diverted for days!

But it's got a few bad points too.  So far I've not found a way to change the perspective.  Personally I'd prefer if I could look straight on from behind the character the way you do in WoW rather than the overhead shot that they seem to use.  I also found the targeting and the looting to be difficult to manoeuvre and a bit hit and miss, and while the graphics are good they aren't brilliant.

Still, it's entirely possible that my complaints about the game are due to my own lack of knowledge rather than any fault with the game itself.  I'll probably go in to play tomorrow and immediately work out that I've been doing it all completely wrong and it's my own fault.  It certainly wouldn't be the first time.

But I have to admit it's nice to think I might have finally found a game that I like again.  I was really disappointed in Star Wars The Old Republic, and even though I kept meaning to I never got the chance to try out Star Trek Online.  I know Diablo isn't an MMO, but it kind of feels a bit like one so hopefully it'll keep me amused for at least a few weeks.

And you've got to be ready...

It's been talked about in the media, covered by movies, television, and generations of literature.  It's been screamed about on street corners by gentlemen who could seriously use a bath and a sandwich, and whispered about in secret corners by wide eyed, terrified looking simpletons.

What is it, you ask?

The zombie apocalypse, of course.  Are you ready for it?

Now, I know what you're thinking.  Why is she worried about something like that?  It's not like zombies really exist or anything.  They're just figments of an overly neruotic public consciousness married with our inner conflict of both being afraid of death and being fascinated by it.  They're not real.

The family that fights zombies together...

But the fact is if there's even a remote chance of the decaying undead rising from their graves and wanting to suck my brains out through my nose with a straw, I'm totally going to draw up a blueprint of the best places in town to stockpile weaponry.  We need to be organised so we can fight the evil menace and wipe it out before it takes over completely!  That's why I'm officially inviting you all to join my Zombie Attack Force.

So, for those of you who are onboard, here's the plan.

1.  The zombies rise from the graves and begin their reign of terror, stumbling through the streets, chewing people's arms off, and muttering "Brains ... brains...".  It's around this time that you should start getting together all the supplies you can.  Bottled water, canned food, ransack the neighbours places if you have to.  And don't let them fool you ... she might look like a sweet little five year old with pigtails, but she's a potential brain muncher just like the rest of them!

2.  We will all meet in the mall in the centre of town, where I have hidden a secret cache of nerf weapons under the fountain of the little boy peeing in the pool in preparation for just such an event.  Feel free to mow down any zombies who get in your way with your car ... if you start to have a moral dilemma with it, just think of it as a really realistic game of Grand Theft Auto.  I considered stockpiling real weapons, but I figured what with the slowness of their movement and the decaying and all, nerf projectiles will probably do the job just as well.  Besides, have you ever tried to get your hands on a bazooka?  It's REALLY hard to do.

3.  Once we're all armed, then we will take to the streets.  Remember, it's our duty to help dispatch of the menace that is invading our homes.  Take those suckers down!  And don't forget that your fellow zombie hunters are also potential risks.  Just because they're on your side right now, doesn't mean that they won't try to rip your head off if you turn your back to them!  Don't trust anyone, any person you come across could be a potential enemy...

... okay, I'm not sure I've thought this through as well as I'd hoped.  You know what?  Screw the zombie fighting army, you're  all on your own!

And if you could all just forget about the cache under the statue ... that'd be super...

The facts of science fiction...

When I woke up today I decided that the time had come.  Time for us to have ... the talk.  Come on now, don't look at me like that.  You knew it had to happen sometime.  I know I've avoided it so far, I didn't want to stress our burgeoning relationship, but I think that it's time for me to sit you all down and explain a few of the facts of life, or at least a few of the facts of MY life.

Specifically, I think it's time for me to explain to you all my, some would say unhealthy, obsession with science fiction.

I suppose it all dates back to when I was around eleven years old and I first discovered that if I was willing to wake up at five in the morning I could sneak out into the lounge room and watch an old British kids show that some television genius had decided to put on in that oh so popular timeslot.  The show was called The Tomorrow People, had been filmed in the 70's, and was based on a bunch of kids who were the next step of human evolution (and seemed to have no parents, as far as I could tell).

The Tomorrow People

It was badly acted, poorly funded, had some of the worst special effects you can imagine (and this is coming from a Doctor Who fan) ... and somehow managed to capture my imagination.  I set my alarm religiously for a whole year, getting up every morning to watch it, until a change in the TV schedule took it away from me and shattered my poor little tween heart.

But by that point I was hooked.  It wasn't long until I discovered other sci-fi classics being re-run on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon.  Land of the Giants, The Twilight Zone, Lost In Space, Buck Rogers, and Time Tunnel all featured prominently in my schedule.  It's strange, they weren't the sort of shows a young girl was supposed to like ... but I adored them.  I suppose it should have been a warning for what came next.

When I was around twelve a new version of Star Trek started airing.  I think The Next Generation was a bit of an experiment.  They were trying to see if it was even possible to bring back something that had been so popular back in the day.  But it was a success, and like all the other's before it, I fell hook, line and sinker.

Wil Wheaton, then and now.

It didn't hurt that there was a boy on it that was around my age and who, in my youthful naivety, I thought was just dreamy.  Of course that boy was Wil Wheaton, who grew up to be famous on the internet and one of the biggest geek legends out there, so I'm going to believe that it shows my good taste even at such a young age.

I followed Star Trek: TNG for a couple of years, at which point I entered the mid years of being a teenager who couldn't possibly do anything that might make her look uncool (don't be fooled, I was incredibly uncool as a teenager) and of course promptly stopped.  That marked the beginning of several bleak, barren, sci-fi free years.

But then a miracle occurred, an amazing miracle!  A friend of mine introduced me to a show called Sliders.  I originally agreed to watch it as the lead actor was Jerry O'Connell who I thought was adorable.  Are you sensing a trend here?  I never claimed to be noble, I've always been completely shallow and easily swayed by a cute guy.

The show was about a group of people who travelled to parallel universes, having adventures, trying to get back to their own.  It had been a good five years since I'd really watched any science fiction, but it was like coming home again!  I soaked it up, haunting my local video rental waiting for each new VHS release (yep, I'm definitely dating myself there).

Once I was back, it didn't take me long to work out I had a lot of catching up to do.  I had years of Star Trek, in two different series, to watch.  And then, to my joy, a third series began!  Star Trek Voyager was, and still is to this day, my favourite of all the Star Treks.

The picture on my work desk.

I'm not claiming it's the best acted or the cleverest or the most significant, but what it is is the first of them that I watched in order from start to finish.  It will always have a special place in my heart because of that and even now I keep a wee little picture of the crew of the USS Voyager on my desk at work, my OTHER family portrait as I call it.

From that point there was really no stopping me.  I caught up on the Star Treks, got into Buffy when it started, then Angel too.  I watched The X Files, Farscape, Dark Angel, Xena, Seaquest, Lost, Firefly, Life on Mars, Being Human, and so many more.  All these wonderful, imaginative, sometimes tacky shows.

And while I loved them all I didn't really find another that filled that gap that Voyager left ... until in 2005 the BBC decided to bring back their old classic Doctor Who.  Finally I'd found another true sci-fi love, one that lasts to this day, and from it I found Torchwood which I think I might love even more.  But really, it'd be like asking me to choose which child I loved more.  I have to think of them as a package deal just to keep my sanity intact.

I've been very lucky with my science fiction obsessions, I think, and about six months ago I found a new one.  I don't know how it was that I'd never watched Stargate Atlantis before, somehow it had slipped through my radar, but all it took was a crossover fanfic with one of my other favourite shows and I found myself enchanted with the characters.  From there it was a short step to getting hold of the episodes.

I'm still only half way through the five years worth (I like to take my time and savour them, especially as I know exactly how long I've got), but it's shaping up to be another sci-fi soul mate.

SGA:  my newest obsession.

I know it seems a bit over the top, but this is who I am.  Some people religiously follow football or car racing (which I really don't get), I choose to devote my obsessive tendencies to science fiction shows.  I can't say they changed my life, or saved me or anything suitably dramatic like that ... but I can say that I love them with all of my heart.  They get me, I think.

Of course, I'm also obsessed with Glee, but probably the less said about that the better...

And if you look to your left...

I remember a few months back reading a news article about a plane in Christchurch that had reported seeing something weird as they came in to land.  What, you ask?  Was it a flock of birds, a runaway kite, a UFO?  Oh no, what they reported would have actually made a UFO seem like a reasonable thing to report.  They saw a flying great white shark!

Seriously, you couldn't make this shit up!

It turned out there wasn't some sort of mutant shark breed that had learned not only to breathe air, but also how to fly.  It was just a remote controlled toy that had gotten away from it's owner and somehow made it up to a thousand feet before the pilot saw it.  Poor bugger, he must have thought he was going insane!  You're in a plane, flying through the sky, and out to the left you see a one and a half metre great white swimming by?  You'd HAVE to be questioning your sanity at that point.

If I saw this outside my plane window, I know I'd freak out.

You can just imagine the conversations going on inside the cockpit.

"Phil."


"Yeah George?"


"Are you sure we didn't crash in the ocean or something?"


"Pretty sure, why?"


"No reason ... it's just there's a ruddy great shark on the left side of the plane."


"George, you've got to start laying off the tequila."

But you know what the funniest thing about that article was?  It wasn't the fact that it was about a remote control flying shark, cause come on ... COOL!  It wasn't about how I couldn't help snickering when I thought of the passengers, and what they must have thought when they looked out the window to see Jaws flying by.

No, it was a quote from Glen Kenny, the New Zealand Air Line Pilots' Association President that had me snickering.  When asked what he thought about it, he said "It says it's an indoor toy on the box.  If you take them outside and the wind gets them, they can be goneburgers, so you've got to be a bit careful."

Goneburgers?  I'm totally using that, Captain Kenny.

The flying shark made by a group called Air Swimmers, which also makes a flying clown fish.  I'm so tempted to buy one just for the Finding Nemo jokes alone!

Nerds unite...

Just to share with you my philosophy, and to give you an idea of what you can expect from the climate of this blog, I've decided to share with you a quote from one of the best things that has happened to geek culture since the invention of the internet itself ... John Green from the Vlogbrothers over at Youtube.

That pretty much sums it up!