It's not for the novice, that's for damned sure...

So on the weekend I decided to introduce a friend of mine, let's call him Bob for privacy sake, to the delight that is Star Trek Voyager by having a bit of a marathon.

Yeah, that probably wasn't the best idea.

Bob:  So that chick with the really red hair... 

Me:  Captain Janeway. 

Bob:  Yeah, her.  She's the captain of The Voyager? 

Me:  Not The Voyager, it's just Voyager.   

Bob:  Huh ... but they say The Enterprise... 

Me:  True, but it's just Voyager.  No "the". 

Bob:  Okay ... and the guy with the pointy ears? 

Me:  That's Tuvok.  He's a Vulcan. 

Bob:  I see ... and who's the guy standing next to him?

Me:  That's Neelix.  He's the ship's Morale Officer and the cook. 

Bob:  Oh ... that explains the chef hat.  Is he a Vulcan too? 

Me:  No, he's a Talaxian!  Dude ... he's furry, with spots, and about four feet tall!  What about that made you think he's a Vulcan? 

Bob:  Well their names sound kind of similar. 

Me:  So because they have similar sounding names they have to be from the same planet?  That's speciesist! 

Bob:  Okay, calm down crazy lady!  Jeez, you take this stuff pretty seriously, don't you! 

Me:  Damn right I do! 

Bob:  Okaaaaay  ... what about that dark haired guy with the tattoo on his face?  What species is he? 

Me:  Human. 

Bob:  But ... what's the pattern on his face then? 

Me:  A tattoo. 

Bob:  *muttering* of course it it. 

Me:  This isn't working is it.  I'm not going to be able to convert you am I. 

Bob:  No, I don't think so ... 

Me:  ... 

Bob: ... 

Me:  So, Doctor Who then? 

Bob:  Bring on the Weeping Angels!

So it turns out that Star Trek Voyager is not for the amateurs, alas.  I guess some people just aren't up to handling its awesomeness.

Don't worry though, Bob, we'll always have the Weeping Angels.  

Ensign Expendable and the red shirt of death...

Anyone who is a Star Trek fan knows what it means to be a redshirt.  If you were one of the unlucky ones to find yourself planetside, standing next to the Captain, and wearing a red shirt ... might as well make out your will and accept your inevitable fate.  You were a dead crewman walking.

I never quite understood how a whole army of aliens could be shooting at Captain Kirk and he doesn't get a scratch, but if some unnamed redshirt is unlucky enough to be sent down with him ... you can bet your last ten bucks he'll be felled in the first five minutes.  You'd think that after a while they'd work out the statistics and just send Kirk down on his own.  It would have saved the lives of a lot of innocent redshirts.

The statistics are very interesting though.  In this article someone has actually gone to the trouble of crunching the numbers.  In the original series there were 59 crew member deaths, which is approximately 13.7% of a total crew of 430.  With that mortality rate it makes you wonder why anyone signed up, doesn't it!

Of those deaths, six were yellowshirts, five were blueshirts, four wore engineering smocks, and a whopping 43 were redshirts.  That's 73% people!  Poor bastards didn't really stand a chance.

The redshirts deserve to be acknowledged for their sacrifices.  It might be long overdue, but finally this injustice has been righted.  Jonathan Coulton, the man who penned such classics as Tom Cruise Crazy and Code Monkey has written this song dedicated to the brave, noble redshirts who died in defence of The Federation.

Your sacrifices will never be forgotten, Ensign Expendable.  It's thanks to you The Federation continues to survive.

The Star Trek conspiracy...

For those of you who have read some of my other blog entries, this will come as no surprise to you.  I’m a geek.  A huge sci-fi watching, computer game playing, tech gadget loving, internet surfing geek.  So it’s understandable that I have some rather strongly held opinions on certain issues involving geek culture.  There’s one in particular I’d like to bring to your attention. 

The Star Trek movie they brought out in 2009 should never have happened.

You may be cute, but you're no Picard.

Now, before you all start howling about how it was such a good film and how cute Chris Pine was in it and how it honoured the memory of Gene Roddenberry (may he rest in peace), I just want to make one thing clear.  I’m not saying, insinuating, or in any way implying that I thought it was a bad film.  In fact I rather liked it.  It was fun, the story was good, the effects top notch, and there were plenty of fannish inside jokes to pander to those who were fans of the series.  I’m not saying it was a bad film, that’s simply not the point I’m trying to make.

What I’m trying to say is … it shouldn’t have happened.  Think of it this way.  As a fan I’ve put many years into loving Star Trek.  I’ve watched the episodes, learned the history, developed theories and ideas about the parts that aren’t covered by canon … essentially, I’m committed.  I’ve put in the hard yards and I think I’ve earned my spot as a Star Trek fan. 

But then one day someone who isn’t Gene Roddenberry (may he rest in peace) gets up and says, “You know what?  We’re going to reboot the whole series!  Start from scratch!  We’ll wipe out everything that ever happened and we’ll change the storyline so significantly that there’s no way that the old history could happen again.  Hell, we’ll destroy a whole planet just to make sure that it’s impossible for some of the future characters to even be born!  It’ll be great, the fans will eat it up!”

You know what, Mr Someone Who Isn’t Gene Roddenberry (may he rest in peace)?  I’m a fan, and as much as I liked the film, I did NOT like the way it basically wiped out my universe!  You called a do-over, and now I’m left wondering if it’s a betrayal to MY universe to watch the new one!  No matter how enjoyable the new stories are, I’m still going to spend most of them thinking “This is good, but was it worth Tuvok’s life?”

Will nobody think of the officers!!!

I know a lot of (much less obsessive) people have listened to me rant on the topic, and then brought up the argument, “But it’s just like having a parallel universe, right?  They have those already in Star Trek, so it’s totally canon.”  That may be true, and I can see the logic behind it, but it doesn’t change the way I feel about it.  My Universe is gone, wiped out with the stroke of a pen.  

Saying it's a parallel universe doesn't alter the fact that, according to this new storyline, MY universe is gone.  My universe, which a put blood, sweat and tears into.  My universe, where the characters I love exist.  I think they've under estimated just how dedicated we fans are to what we see as the REAL Star Trek.

No, Mr Someone Who Isn't Gene Roddenberry (may he rest in peace), you may have given the Star Trek franchise a new lease on life … but at what cost?