UK internet filters V's determined teenagers: my money's on the kids...

I'm not a big fan of censorship.

Considering I work in a library, that's probably not much of a surprise to any of you.  We're kinda big on the whole open access to information schtick, so when I read about how the UK are going through with the Internet block rigmarole in a wildly unproportional attempt to shelter kids from online pornography [link], my freedom to information loving little heart broke a little.

This is a slippery slope you're starting down, UK.

To be fair, it's not like they're putting a blanket block across the whole country, people can still "opt in" to be able to access the naughty rumpty pumpty sites if they want to.

And that's the thing, isn't it.  If they want to see those sites, they have to actually have the balls to put their hand up and say "Yes, I'd like you to let me see the filth you're so bound and determined to stop me from looking at".  Really, UK?  You're going to shame your population into becoming so sexually frustrated they'll have to resort to old school methods like dirty magazines and bootleg porn movies?

Where does one even find a bootleg porn DVD in this day and age, anyway?

But let's be realistic here, this is not going to solve the problem you're so desperately trying to find a solution to.  All it's going to do is get every husband in the country put in the doghouse by their wives, and it's not going to stop a single kid from accessing porn if they really want it bad enough.

Because no matter how good you might think your filters and processes are, they simply aren't a match for a 14 year old with high school level computer skills and a burning determination to see Busty Ladies VII.

Just saying.

Sold to the lady with a weird sense of humour...

Tinkerbell hadn't aged well...

People certainly sell some weird shit on eBay.  Don't get me wrong, I love the fact that they do!  There's nothing more amusing than wandering through the eBay listings and finding everything from the quirky to the utterly bizarre.  I remember I once almost bought a tattoo gun on there once, for no other reason than it was sitting at $20 and it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Thankfully, someone else stepped in and started bidding at the last minute so I never got it.  It's probably a good thing, with my propensity towards not thinking things through, having a tool that can permanently mark your body wouldn't have been the best idea.  Who knows what I would have doodled on my own arm just to see if it worked!

But I do love reading about the really strange auctions.  Like the guy who sold a mummified fairy corpse!  I have to admit, it certainly looked legit from the pictures ... you know, if I wasn't a grown up who knew that fairies don't actually exist (and somewhere Tinkerbell drops dead).  It turns out it was a model made by a prop maker for an April Fools prank a few years back.  He did a good job on it!

Here comes the ... bride?

Or there's the guy who sold his ex wife's wedding dress after what we can assume was a rather bitter divorce.  I actually remember when this one was happening, and I watched the updates the guy made to the auction as he made them.  There are claims that he was just hamming it up to sell the dress for a better price, and I've no doubt they're right, but it's still a hilarious read!  Go read them if you have the time, you won't regret it.

Then there was the person who was selling a dolphin that he'd supposedly caught while net fishing and was keeping in his swimming pool.  This one I'm assuming was a joke, but the questions prospective buyers posted and this guy's answers were snarky and fun to read.

That's one creepy girl!

But I think my favourite was the haunted painting.  It was just a creepy looking picture!  I remember reading the story and thinking how spooky it looked.  I wondered if anyone would actually bid on it, but I guess it was a pretty good marketing method because it ended up selling for over a thousand dollars.  Was it haunted?  Who knows!  But I don't remember ever reading about the new owners being found dead in mysterious circumstances or being driven to the point of insanity and having to be committed, so if it was we can assume they were friendly ghosts.

There seems to be a real market on eBay for selling wacky stuff to people who just buy it for the novelty factor.  Perhaps that should be my new hobby!  Selling cursed things!  I could buy a bunch of old second hand jewellery from the local op shop, make up some stories about how they used to belong to Lady Bothomthwaite who died mysteriously in a fox hunting accident, and who now haunts her long lost trinkets!  I'll make a mint!

The greatest love of all...

I’m in love.

Yes, you heard correctly.  I, the most jaded person on the planet, am in love.  It’s exhilarating, terrifying, and completely inappropriate.  You see, I’m having an affair with my iPad.

What can I say, ours is a forbidden love.

I have to confess I avoided the whole iPhone/iPad kerfuffle for a very long time.  I stuck to my old mobile long after its contract ran out, doggedly insisting that I didn't need no new fangle contraption!  A good old nokia was good enough for me, thank you very much!

Me too, dude, me too...

But eventually my old phone gave up the ghost and I was forced to seek a replacement.  Of course these days it's practically impossible NOT to get a smart phone when you go looking.  When you tell the sales people that you just want a normal phone they look at you like you like you're talking Greek!  So, being the marketer's dream that I am, I allowed them to talk me into getting my first ever iPhone.

It was a flirtation, a crush.  We danced around each other, but in no way did it replace my reliable old laptop.  Still, I enjoyed it's company.  I could email with it, send long and rambling text messages (someting that my old phone would have had a coronary about) and surf the internet, all on my phone!  It was like a whole new world opened up to me, one where I could read fanfiction.net stories in bed into the wee hours of the morning.

That was about a year and a half ago, and for twelve months my iPhone and I got along beautifully.  We went everywhere together and it kept me happily amused through many a boring meeting or function.  But eventually I realised as good as we were together, it wasn't a perfect match.  There was something missing from our relationship, some spark.

The question was where could I find that spark?  Certainly not my staid, stay-at-home laptop.  Its dependability was comforting, but the passion was definitely gone from the relationship.  No, it was time for something new.  That's when I started toying with the idea of getting an iPad.

I didn't get a free human ... gypped!

Now the thing you need to understand about me is that when I want something, I can't wait.  Instant gratification, baby!  So pretty much the day I decided I couldn't live without an iPad in my life, I trotted out and got myself one.  There was no thinking about it, no shopping around, I just walked straight into my Telstra store and asked them about their deals.  Half an hour late, I walked out with the new love of my life.

And that was the start of our whirlwind illicit romance!  If my laptop was my wife and my iPhone was my office crush, then my brand new iPad was definitely my mistress.  Suddenly things I would have previously done on the laptop, I just snuck away to my room and did them on the iPad instead.  It was new, exciting, and so so passionate.

My brother thought I was insane though.  Not because I was cheating on my laptop, oh no, he's all for having affairs with new technology, his problem was the fact that I bought the iPad 2 only a week or so before the new one came out.

Okay, fair cop.

But like I said, when I want something, I want it right away! And from what I hear, it's not like the new iPad is really that much better.  So it's got a better camera, it's not like I'm going to use the camera on it.  That's what the iPhone is for!  So it's video quality is a tad nicer, with a screen that size you're not really going to notice.  So it's faster, when you're talking about fractions of a second, it's not like it's going to make any difference to you!

Maybe I'm fooling myself.  Maybe I'm just making up excuses because, in typical Kellie fashion, I went out and impetuously bought something expensive before checking all my options (it's not the most expensive thing I've bought like that, once I bought a car in an afternoon), but I don't regret it.

If loving my iPad 2 is wrong, then I don't want to be right.