I know what you're all thinking. "Kellie, say it isn't so! Please reassure us that our beliefs of what a typical female body should look like aren't in fact based on a doll which, if she existed in real life, wouldn't even be able to support her own head!"
Sorry kids, no can do. It turns out we're not actually supposed to have a waist the size of a bedpost, or heels that don't touch the ground, or weird non-specific genitalia and no nipples.
And were exactly are your nipples, Barbie? It's freaking me out wondering what happened to them!
But the thing that surprised me the most? The size of the feet.
Honestly, her feet were enormous! Or maybe it'd be more accurate to say I'd never noticed how freakishly small Barbie's feet are. We're talking easily half the size here. Just think about that! Look down at your feet and consider what it'd be like if they were only half that size. Half as wide, half as long. Can you imagine having to stand on feet like that? Walk on them?
Oh Barbie, you creepy plastic blonde freak. How is it possible for you to even stand up?