Dear Mr Delivery Guy,
I know our encounter today was awkward for us both, but I just wanted to assure you that things like this don't normally happen. I swear, I had no idea that was under my old washing machine.
But it's just something that happens when you have a cat. You'll grab anything to use as a cat toy. Old balls of wool, socks, screwed up balls of tinfoil, and yes, the odd tampon. Please don't judge me too harshly! Tampons are exactly the right size and weight for cats to bat around, an when you've got one nipping at your ankles while you're putting your makeup on you'll throw anything at them you can get your hands on in the hopes they'll go after it instead of you.
And okay, so maybe Gypsy the Feline Dictator did bat one or two ... or six of them under the old machine. And maybe I did spill some water when I was unhooking it. And maybe they did expand and get stuck under there so that rather than roll out, they came away with the machine only to be revealed when you picked it up to take it away.
But really, it wasn't what it looked like!
Okay, fuck it! I know you probably ran off the minute you left my place and told everybody the story about the strange woman who had tampons under her washing machine. I guess I can live with that.
But can I just request that if we should ever see each other again, we'll both pretend it never happened?
Good, I'm glad we agree.