Saturday, July 20, 2013

An Open Letter: I swear I don't normally keep feminine hygiene products under there...

Dear Mr Delivery Guy,

I know our encounter today was awkward for us both, but I just wanted to assure you that things like this don't normally happen.  I swear, I had no idea that was under my old washing machine.

But it's just something that happens when you have a cat.  You'll grab anything to use as a cat toy.  Old balls of wool, socks, screwed up balls of tinfoil, and yes, the odd tampon.  Please don't judge me too harshly!  Tampons are exactly the right size and weight for cats to bat around, an when you've got one nipping at your ankles while you're putting your makeup on you'll throw anything at them you can get your hands on in the hopes they'll go after it instead of you.

And okay, so maybe Gypsy the Feline Dictator did bat one or two ... or six of them under the old machine.  And maybe I did spill some water when I was unhooking it.  And maybe they did expand and get stuck under there so that rather than roll out, they came away with the machine only to be revealed when you picked it up to take it away.

But really, it wasn't what it looked like!

Okay, fuck it!  I know you probably ran off the minute you left my place and told everybody the story about the strange woman who had tampons under her washing machine.  I guess I can live with that.

But can I just request that if we should ever see each other again, we'll both pretend it never happened?

Good, I'm glad we agree.

Yours sincerely

Kellie.

53 comments:

  1. He's probably telling people about the nut case who thinks she can plug a leak under the washer with tampons.

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    1. LOL! I can only hope that's what he's telling them! There are so many worse things he could be saying.

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  2. We just had our dryer serviced and one was behind it...and we don't have a cat.

    Once had a bad cut on my hand and could not find any gauze. Tried a cut up tampon...damn those things hold a lot!

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    1. There's a reason footballers use them to stop bloody noses :D

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  3. I was recently watching a youtube about recreating 1940s fashions and the woman was describing how her friend used tampons to roll up her victory roll hairstyle...

    Seems those things get a lot more use than what they were made for!

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    1. I suppose that could be handy in case you were ever in a pinch, but I'd be terrified of it just dropping out without warning.

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  4. Glad I've gone through the change!!

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  5. I'm stopping by from Aloha Friday Blog Hop. I'm now following you please follow back when you get the time Evoluchun's Miscellaneous

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  6. Men need to get over the fact that feminine hygiene products exist in the world.

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    1. They do get the funniest expressions on their face when they're reminded of their existence, don't they.

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  7. Haha - can just imagine the stories he could tell

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    1. I really don't want to know what he's saying about me!

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  8. As long as they were still all one color, I wouldn't worry about it. I keep them in my jeans pockets and one or two goes thru the wash now and then. At least they are at the bottom of the tub after the cycle is completed. I lose more to the washer than I would like to admit. Hopefully I am not alone on this.

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    1. LOL! I'm sure you're not the only one who does that.

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  9. I watched this today when I found the link on another blog. ..... LOL

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXz9OcnRBYY

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  10. Cats do like to bat things under furniture and such..but then maybe this was clever thinking on their part to help you out in case the washer would ever over flow. Those tampons would of just sucked up the water for you.

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  11. I bet he would've nabbed that tampon if you hadn't been there ;)

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  12. "This isn't what it looks like." So what do you think HE thought it looked like? I would have no opinion on the matter if I were faced with it. It would be one of those bald, unfathomable mysteries. A tiny little super absorbent stonehenge.

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    1. Perhaps I should have left it there, a monument to the tiny civilisation that lived under my washer.

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  13. I'm so past tampons I almost forgot what they were! But gosh I'll be sure to tell the cat-loving-daughters what other uses they have.
    Bwahahahahahha. Poor Kellie.

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    1. Embarrassment aside, they are an awfully conveient cat toy.

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  14. Perhaps he thought you were so Eco that you wash and recycle your tampons. No doubt he was impressed.

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    1. I think that's a level of ecologically friendly I'm just not willing to flirt with.

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  15. You'll love to hate this, once I did a Food Styling course and It was suggested to get a good amount of steam coming out of rice, to include a damp tampon hidden in the centre then microwave, then photograph. I know. :O

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  16. I had a very similar experience happen with a cable guy hooking up the cable in my bedroom only it wasn't a tampon he found.. Ugh. I hid in the kitchen the rest of the time he was there. :p

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    1. Ooh, ouch! See, that's why it's so important to have a toy chest, with a very solid lock!

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  17. Just don't try to bring one of those things into Texas! They'll be seized by the Capitol police. Not even joking!

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    1. People can't own tampons in Texas? Are all feminine hygiene products banned, or is it just them?

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  18. LOL! And I applaud your bravery. I won't mention where and when feminine products have made unexpected appearances in my life. Not without a few drinks at least.

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    1. They're sneaky little buggers! Just popping up when you least want them to.

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  19. I can just see his face right now, smiling and saying it's ok but he's thinking "I can't get out of here quick enough" ha ha ha ha. I bet, next time you ring him up he will bring a chaperone with him but what will he find then? Set him up Kellie LOL. That's so funny but it must have been embarrassing too.

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    1. Ooh, that's a good idea! What should I use next time though? A plunger, a large tub of vaseline and half a dozen cucumbers? That'd raise an eyebrow I'm sure.

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  20. Cats and tampons....hilarious x

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  21. So funny, and so embarrassing!

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  22. What could he possibly have thought, that you were just inept at tampon application to the extent they go shooting under the machine? That's hilarious and I'm glad you shared your embarrassment with us.

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  23. Well... we both "have one out there" now. Ha!!! Gotta love it, Slu

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  24. Hilarious! I'm sure it made his day to have such a funny story to tell :)

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  25. Um...I'm confused. Doesn't everyone keep their tampons under the washing machine? Where else would you keep them?....What a picture you have painted here! Imagining it, I was laughing really hard! And, yeah right, blame it on the cat. He can't defend himself.

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  26. Haha! This made me giggle. What a great read. I'm stopping by from the Sunday blog hop. I hope you & the cat are having a great weekend.

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  27. I used to have a dog that loved to get my unmentionables (okay, I'll mention them...my panties) out of the laundry. Imagine my horror when I came home when day after the maintenance guy for my apartment had been over and there in the middle of the living room where my panties. I guess at least I wasn't standing there like you were when your humiliation became complete :)

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  28. The moment I started reading this post it reminded me of the tampon add a few years ago where the guy was throwing tampons to his kitten and the girlfriend comes home and says "where are my tampons" and he finally realises what he was giving the cat to play with.

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