Monday, July 29, 2013

Gosh, Miss Merryweather, shall we go for a bicycle ride in the countryside *nudgenudgewinkwink*...

Source
Finally!  It's taken over a hundred years, but our god given right as women to have orgasms while cycling has been returned to us.  Huzzah!

Many of you might not know this but back in the early days of bicycling, when cycling tours were all the rage and Mr Chips type characters would pedal around the countryside having picnics with young ladies while wearing three piece suits and bowler hats, bike seats were a little bit ... different.  A woman would have more reason to go out cycling than to get from point A to point B, and it generally involved the letter O.

But then the modesty police got involved.  Scandal!  How dare women be roaming around the countryside having orgasms willy nilly.  Only men were suppose to be able to find sexual gratification.  What next, women deciding that they didn't need men after all as long as they had the early 1900's equivalent of a 10 speed?  Wanting the vote?  Wanting equal pay for equal work?  Outrageous!

So the evil bicycle manufacturers created what they called a "hygienic" bike seat for ladies.  Apparently hygienic translates to "nowhere near as much fun", so ladies had to say goodbye to their fresh air, exercise and copious quantities of orgasms.

But now a UK sex toy company as decided it's time to right that century old wrong, bless their hearts, by creating a new product they call "The Happy Ride" [link].  For the bargain price of thirty seven bucks you can become the proud new owner of a vibrating bicycle seat which is equipped with multiple speed settings.  They do warn though that it gives off a "light humming" sound when in use.

Then again, what with the sound of traffic all around you I doubt anyone would notice.

I'm not sure what this will mean for road safety or bicycle related accident statistics, but right now I'm having a hard time caring.  It's a freaking vibrating bike seat, people!

What a wonderful time to be alive!

58 comments:

  1. This would not be practicing safe sex.

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  2. just what I don't need. I crashed into the cemetery wall (twice) while riding my bike last winter! With this, I'd probably be dead.

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    1. I imagine that bike related injuries would definitely go up.

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  3. I see a lot more bicycle accidents happening in the near future in the UK.

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  4. Excellent news for the general fitness & well-being of womankind, it's a win-win except for whoever's trying to drive behind a rather wobbly-but-ecstatic female cyclist!

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  5. What the devil were the old seats like and where can I find one????? ;-)

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    1. I'd imagine they were all burned by those spoilsports.

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  6. So now a bicycle can satisfy a woman better than me? Just great!

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    1. Well I don't know ... can you get her to the shops while simultaneously giving her an O?

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  7. I bet a good bumpy road could do the same thing for free! In fact, I imagine the bumpy roads were the cause of ubiquitous orgasms.

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    1. That's what I was thinking too! Save the cash and go off-roading.

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    2. Hmm, perhaps some research is required here ;P

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  8. Jeez, with one of those bike seats I could win the Tour de France!

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    1. Yeah, I think a lot more people would be getting their 20 minutes a day!

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  9. If I put one on my stationary bike, I'd probably exercise more often!!

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  10. I had no idea....where can one find one of those vintage bikes?

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  11. Does it still work if you don't actually have a bike???

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    1. I suppose you could just put it on your couch or something, but then you wouldn't be able to pretend you were doing something healthy and wholesome.

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  12. But, think of the chance ladies will take passing out into the path of a truck?
    Coming and going at the same time.

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  13. Same feelings as Fish Ducky - - - LOL

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  14. Man this is just great! My husband tells me that I need to exercise more! Snort! AND, I need a new bicycle seat! It's a win-win, don't 'cha think?

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  15. That's the old Empire spirit...Good GRIEF!

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  16. Now I'm regretting that I promised to give up biking after my last biking accident. Just like my car accidents they 100% not my fault, but cars can be totalled and I can be 100% ok...

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    1. Well I suppose there's always the stationary exercise bike ;D

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  17. I always thought Space Hoppers should have an extra knob on the top, too. #justsaying

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    1. LOL! Ooh, I hadn't thought of that. Actually, someone's probably already made one of those.

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  18. You always have the most interesting info :) I'm interested to see what they were like now. Although bike riding these days is dangerous enough I'm not sure the extra distraction would be a great idea.

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    1. I can barely stay on a normal bike, it probably wouldn't be a good idea to give me "added distractions".

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  19. I might be nicer to cyclists driving in the road like a car during rush hour if I thought there was a chance an orgasm was happening. Isn't this why bike seats are shaped weird with that giant phallic thing jutting out from the butt rest?

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    1. True, it might just end the age old grudge between cyclists and drivers.

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  20. Meanwhile, as a man, I'm okay without. I can't say I've ever once gone on a bike ride and thought, "You know, this would be better if I was cumming right now."

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    1. I don't know, I would have thought that'd make most things better.

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  21. Wow! That is fantastic. Sign me up for one of those bike seats. I just found your blog through the BlogHop, and I'm so glad I did! You are hilarious and I love your writing style. Cheers!

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  22. Isn't it ironic that the more uncomfortable bicycle seats become for men ( they're like sitting on a 2x4 with the 2 side up), they become MORE comfortable *wink* for women? Maybe it's Gods way of apologizing for putting women through childbirth. ;)

    S

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  23. bahhahha! Not a good seat to use if you are pulling a toddler though.

    Marie @
    Lemondrop ViNtAge

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    1. Oh, good point! It's kind of creepy if you're doing that, isn't it.

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  24. Wonder how many they have already sold? Laugh all we want, but someone is making money off the idea. Who's laughing now?

    I wonder if there are any being used on stationary bikes? That would be one happy, giving, membership perk at the gym. Just be sure to clean up after your ride ladies...

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    1. LOL! I wonder how many people are sprucing up their home exercise bike with a shiny new seat!

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  25. Just have visions of women careering off roads all over the country....

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    1. They may die, but at least they'll go doing what they love ;D

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