Wednesday, July 31, 2013

It's hard spending the holidays in the slammer...

If I committed a crime, not that I have any plans to or anything, but if I did I always thought I knew what to expect.  A fine maybe.  Perhaps a slap on the wrist or a good behavior bond if it was a bit more serious.  Or, worst case scenario and if I was particularly naughty, jail time.

What I never would have imagined as a possibility was that the judge might cancel Christmas on me.

But that's what an Ohio judge has done to one woman, who was convicted of providing false ID's to illegal immigrants.  He sentenced her to five years parole, with the proviso that she spends at least three days over the Christmas period in jail each year [link].

Wow, that's pretty harsh, Mr Judge-Who-Stole-Christmas!

Can you imagine how demoralizing that must be, to have to ship yourself off to the big house every holidays?  No Christmas turkey with all the fixings for you, oh no!  You get to celebrate the festivities with a few slices of processed chicken breast, powdered mashed potatoes and tinned peas.  Yummy.

I must admit though, it's a genius punishment.  She gets off with five years probation rather than a serious jail term, but in return she has to go to spend the next five Christmases in the pokey.  I'd have to imagine that being forced to spend the holidays in jail every year would be incredibly effective deterrent.  How would you explain that to you kids?

"Sorry sweetie, Mummy won't be here for Christmas because she has to spot Big Bertha on the bench press in the exercise yard.  But she'll be home in time for New Years!"


42 comments:

  1. She could just Christmas on a different day. Maybe Christmas isn't a big deal to her.

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    1. Maybe not, although I'd guess the judge is banking on it.

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  2. Maybe she had a really crappy family and she's glad to be away from them?

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    1. I suppose it could be seen as a bit of a break. Not sure it it's the sort of break I'd want, but still.

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  3. I heard that sentence and thought it may or may not be a real punishment. I like Christmas but it's a lot of work. Shopping, cooking cleaning....I am getting tired just thinking about it.
    I can't break any laws because I don't desire to go to a place that doesn't have private bathrooms but the thought of just sleeping through Christmas Day may not be all that horrible.

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  4. I am watching a series on Netflix called 'Orange Is The New Black" and the main character, who is in prison, was placed in solitary confinement over Thanksgiving and was given moldy meat to eat. LOL Your post reminded me a bit of this woman's sentence by the judge. Taking away someone's Holidays is a pretty good punishment if you ask me.

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  5. I'm sure there must be a country/western song about spending Christmas in the slammer. Or the drunk tank at least.

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    1. LOL! There actually is, it's called Christmas In Jail by Asleep At The Wheel.

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  6. Hmm...I wonder why. Is she more likely to commit a crime over the holidays? Maybe she drinks too much. Love the 'grinch' reference!

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    1. It just feels a bit like she's been grounded rather than jailed, doesn't it.

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  7. My warped mind is thinkin' of ways to get busted in Ohio now. Holidays without lookin' at my creepy Uncle George with smashed potatoes all over his big lips and smellin' his turkey farts would be a joy.

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    1. LOL! Or maybe you could check into a hotel and just let them THINK you're in jail.

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  8. That is cruel and unusual punishment.

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    1. I suppose it depends on her family. It could be a godsend.

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  9. wow they can do that? But you know it might be not such a bad thing, some families can get really tense over christmas and all the stress being together with your dearest and nearest crammed in a room that smells of warm farts...maybe jail isn't such a bad thing?

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    1. Well when you put it that way, you're kind of selling me on it.

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  10. I'm surprised this didn't fall under "Cruel and Unusual Punishment," which some attorneys use as means for an appeal. And what the hell is with Ohio?

    You come up with the best titles, Kellie :)

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  11. I had to go to the link just to make sure it wasn't someone I knew.

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  12. Actually would be a great excuse for avoiding family Christmas.....I was running out!

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    1. I just need to work out how to get sent to a five star jail. I might be willing to do it then.

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    1. It's very "be good or I'll send you to time out" isn't it.

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  14. A very weird sentence indeed! And I'm looking forward to Orange is the New Black one day when it's cheap on DVD (or I'm rich enough to afford Netflix)

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    1. I've heard of the show but I don't know anything about it. I'll have to google it :D

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  15. God judges have no fucking idea, do they?

    What was the point arresting her and sending her to jail just for a judge to give her parole and a few days at christmas in jail.

    What a fucking joke!

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  16. Wait, so she doesn't have to do last minute wrapping or cook Christmas dinner? He should've taken away her birthday instead, that is when SHE would be spoiled!

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    1. Or made her spend weekends in there. That'd be a real punishment. You get out, but only to work all week.

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    1. Either that judge is incredibly clever or incredibly insane. I'm just not sure which.

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  18. Wow... I'd be way less likely to commit a crime if someone took Christmas away. Like... 43% less likely.

    Hugs!

    Valerie

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    1. 43%, that's very specific. I'm assuming you did a pie chart to illustrate your calculations?

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  19. But, does the woman celebrate Christmas? Hopefully Judge Creative Punishment thought to check into that fact.

    This is an interesting tactic to deal with prison overcrowding. If there isn't room to put someone, especially a non-violent offender, in jail for a straight term, when would be the most effective days to put them there? This judge might be on to a solution to a really big problem in the States.

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    1. It'd be a bit embarrassing for the judge if she didn't!

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  20. This post certainly fits the title of your blog! I find this punishment one of the weirdest I've ever heard of...
    Tina @ Life is Good

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  21. Wow, that's a very bizarre punishment. Interesting concept, though....

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  22. It'd be an interesting thing to explain to the extended family. There's only so many working Christmases/Christmases at the in laws that you can do in a row.

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