Monday, July 1, 2013

I now declare you third grader and woman eight times his age ... I mean, man and wife...

Source
I remember the first time I got married.  I think I was about five or six, and it was in the front yard of my house.

I had a lovely veil in the form of a pillow case, my bouquet was provided by the hydrangea bush under my bedroom window, and while I can't remember which of the neighborhood boys stood opposite me, I do remember that rather than kissing at the end of the ceremony we finished it up with a rousing game of tag.

Ah, it was a lovely day.

But as elegant as my ceremony was, a South African eight year old has definitely beat me.  You see, he didn't just get pretend married, he got real married.  And he didn't marry some eight year old little girl from next door, he married a sixty one year old friend of the family [link].

Well, when I say real married, it wasn't a legal wedding, just a ritual.  And if we're going for full disclosure I should probably mention that the woman already has a husband and five kids.  So I guess it was more like my childhood wedding that I first thought, just with more money, nicer clothes, and a buffet afterwards.

But why all the rigmarole, you ask?  Apparently they do things a bit differently in South Africa, and when your dead Grandad comes to you in a dream and tells you to get married it doesn't matter if you haven't even hit double digits yet.

Still, I had no idea that our dead relatives could boss us around from beyond the grave.  So just to be on the safe side, I'm going to say one thing.  Grandma?  I miss you very much, but if you come to me in a dream and tell me I have to marry some pensioner I've never even met, I'm afraid you're going to be very, very disappointed.

59 comments:

  1. C'mon Kellie. You wouldn't want to really disappoint your lovely grandma would you? All the time and trouble she took to visit you in a dream and then you dash her hopes of joy beyond the grave. What if he was a really nice pensioner? Ha, ha ha ha.

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    1. Well, if he was a rich pensioner I might make an exception ;P

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  2. Maybe you should ask her why she isn't marrying him. Surely there aren't any rules prohibiting marriage between dead and undead people in love. That would be discrimination.

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    1. Ever watch The Corpse Bride? "

      Until death do you part... It seems death has already parted you"

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    2. I think that's fair. He'd probably be closer to her age anyway.

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  3. I read about this marriage before--I was amazed!!

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    1. I suppose there's no real harm in it, at least I hope not.

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  4. My live maternal grandmother TOLD her daughters who each of them would marry. That's how I got my dad. LOL But at least they all waited until they were at least 18 to marry. I never let Grandma boss me around even when she was alive, so ain't happening now either. Love you Grandma, but ixnay the bossing around nay... okay?

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    1. LOL! I suppose it's easier to rationalize with a living relative. Dead one's are so hard to deal with.

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  5. There are many cultures that still allow the family to make important decisions like who you will marry. There is a lot of inbreeding that happens. And it is "all good." Not good to me, but in these cultures it is. I don't think you will ever get it if you aren't a part of it. I say that because I don't think I will ever get it.

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    1. That's true. It's obviously a culture thing so we aren't going to get it.

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  6. Damn! I think granny just took the whole 'Cougar' thing to a new level. Yikes!

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    1. LOL! It's definitely more of a gap than you usually get.

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  7. beauty is usually a trait of the man
    or Women .
    beauty is learnt during appearances,
    sociology, sociable therapy. A "ideal beauty" is definitely an business which can
    be shown admiration for, or even offers capabilities generally due to magnificence
    in a very particular traditions, pertaining to excellence.

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  8. That's so weird you say that! Last night I had a dream that my dead grandma said I should marry Henry Cavill.... So, I guess that's it then.. I'll just have to suck it up and get on with it..

    Hugs!

    Valerie

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    1. You don't want to disappoint your grandma, do you? Best get your wedding dress picked out.

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  9. Right on! I don't believe in messages from the grave. The dead need to stay quiet and let us lead our own lives.

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    1. Any message from the grave that involves me marrying someone, I'm just going to write it off as eating too much before bed.

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  10. Well that's odd..
    I use to have pretend weddings when I was a kid too :)

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    1. I always wanted to be the minister, but they'd never let me. Oh well, I suppose the bride is a pretty good role.

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  11. This is very strange to me. We do have weddings that are arranged by our parents(my husband and I got married that way)it seems very strange to me. Ordered around? yes, by living people, but not by someone who crossed the borders of the unknown.

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    1. LOL! I probably shouldn't find it as amusing as I do, it's just a different culture, but the picture of an eight year old marrying a sixty one year old was just so strange!

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  12. Wow! Was the kid some sort of freak stud or something? *did I say that out loud? Sorry*

    S

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  13. Oh wow! This doesn't even seem real. Hard to believe and totally bizarre.

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    1. From what they say in the article it seems more for show than anything. Lucky too, otherwise we'd be verging on creepy territory.

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  14. Well, that's just nuts! I'd hate to be that kid's first real wife.

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    1. I'm just glad it sounds like it was all for show. Otherwise it would have been much more disturbing.

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  16. Is it just me? I love this story. It's not a legal wedding, but a ceremony honouring ancestors. They look pretty happy, so I'm not sure where the harm is?

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    1. I'm sure there's no harm really. I just found it funny :D

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  17. Beyond crazy! Thank God I never remember my dreams.

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    1. LOL! Imagine how many times you would have been married by now if you could!

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  18. But but but but...They don't have to much their nudey parts together to consumate the marriage, do they? I'm so disturbed.

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    1. I certainly hope not! From the article, it sounds like it's purely for show.

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  19. Haha! Cute reminiscence.

    I watched Fiddler On The Roof when I was young and the lesson stays with me. Ignore the dead people who talk to you about marriage in dreams. They're phonies. lol :-)

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    1. Oh but that was the BEST haunted dream sequence ever!

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  20. I'm already married, so I assure you, my grandpa that comes to me in dreams is NOT very happy about that.

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    1. What, you wouldn't look into bigamy? I hear all the cool kids are doing it.

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  21. Now isn't that just the sickest thing I have heard today...but I guess the day is young. Not only do I find it creepy that this pseudo marriage was treated as "no big deal". Dead Grandpa needs to keep his sick suggestions in the after world.

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    1. I do have to wonder what dead Grandad was thinking, asking an eight year old to get married.

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  22. Wow. Lol. A blushing groom at 8. Doing things differently is an understatement. Snort.

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    1. Well at least he knows he won't be "left on the shelf".

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  23. Fifth grade. Behind the gym. Darren Henken. I had bridesmaids and everything. I think our marriage lasted two weeks. I luckily didn't have to return the gifts and have the exquisite elephant head eraser to this day. :)

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    1. Sounds like you had better guests at your wedding. None of mine brought gifts!

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  24. Like I keep telling my 5 yr old, if he doesn't find someone to marry soon he's going to end up 10 years old and alone.

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  25. My grandmother is still here bossing us around when we call/visit...can't imagine what will happen when she has no restrictions!

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    1. LOL! Every night will be a different unreasonable demand.

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  26. As much as I love my Nonna, no chance. Though I was married many times to my cousin. She was very bossy, and insisted I marry her each time. I was happy when we turned eight and she got over her wedding obsession. On her first divorce now, and swears to never marry again:P

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    1. Well, either her first divorce or or seventh, depending if you count the childhood ones ;D

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  27. Oh, no. That is NOT being allowed to be entered into my reality - dead relatives telling us how to run our lives. Hey, I adore my family but they are bossy enough when they are breathing and have to use a phone or facebook to tell me what to do, if they can enter into my dreams? I may never get good nights sleep again!

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    1. Dreams, easier than Facebook and cheaper than a long distance call!

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  28. I just really can't wrap my head around this. I came to my parents all the time telling them things I dreamed about -- such as being the proud owner of a Barbie dream house -- and they never once honored by dreams' demands. Apparently I should have prefaced them with "my dead grandparent was in my dream and he said that I should have the Barbie dream house."

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    1. I wish I'd tried it. "Mum, Dad, a random dead relative came to me in a dream last night and told me I needed to get a pony. Oh, and that I should get extra dessert tonight."

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  29. Oh man, I'mma try this with my husband to see exactly what I can extract from him in terms of a dream premonition/demand...this is good. I have plenty of dead relatives I can use in my dreams...surely they want me to have toms Tory Burch sandals or a new car...they are super thoughtful like that. Nice.

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    1. "Honey, my dead great aunt Ethyl came to me in a dream and told me that you have to shampoo the carpet. No, really, you have to do it now. A dead relative said so."

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