Because I'm a bit weird I love reading about strange historical facts, and one area that I've always found fascinating, in a disturbing kind of way, is medical history. We did some really freaky things to each other back in the day!
Because I'm just that generous, I've decided to enlighten you all about some of my favourite medical treatments from history that make me glad I was born when I was!
It turns out that it could be a VERY bad idea. Like, ostrich farm bad! What the pretty, pretty posters didn't tell you was that these soothing syrups usually contained either morphine, heroin, chloroform, cannabis, or any combination thereof.
Yeah, that baby wasn't sweetly sleeping, he was stoned off his gourd!
And they wondered why infant mortality was so high back then.
Then, you suddenly come to, realising you've been dragged onto the shore by some well meaning passer by. But that's not all they've done, oh no! They've also rolled you over, lifted up your skirts, and are currently forcing large quantities of tobacco smoke into an orifice that was never intended to receive it.
Apparently back then it was believe that a tobacco smoke enema was a good way to revive someone who had drowned. I don't know about you, but I expect it'd get me up and going pretty quickly, if only to get away from the guy wielding that scary looking set of bellows!
Back in the 19th century if a woman was moody, irritable, or showed any signs of a backbone at all, she'd be trotted off to the doctor by her disapproving husband, where she would most likely be diagnosed with female hysteria.
And the cure for this was what was called a "pelvic massage". Yep, we all know what that means!
Eventually though a machine was built to do it for the doctor (maybe he was getting carpal tunnel?), first steam powered and then electrical. So that meant that women could get their rocks off much more efficiently ... for the good of medicine, of course.
Jeez, the whole of the 1800's must have been like one enormous Carry On Doctor film!
Lets overlook the fact that tape worms can cause cysts, loss of eyesight, neurological problems, and organ failure! What does that matter as long as you're thin at the end of it!
But it's nice to know that unrealistic expectations of body image have been forced on women for so long, even to the point that they'd purposely give themselves a parasitic infection!
So yes, medicine has definitely come a long way since then. We no longer drug our children to get them to be quiet, literally blow smoke up people's asses (and yes, that's where the expression comes from), or purposely ingest tape worms in the hopes of losing a few pounds.
What's that, you say? What about the female hysteria machine? Well ... let's just say female hysteria is no longer considered a problem and leave it at that, shall we?