Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Conversations with a feline dictator...

Kellie:  *coming into the house*  Gypsy, I'm home!

Gypsy the feline dictator:  It's about time, you worthless human!  Now, bring me chicken immediately!

Kellie:  *looking around*  ... oh my god!  What happened in here!

Gypsy the feline dictator:  Ah, I see you're admiring the proof of my savagery and cunning.  It was a worthy foe and it fought valiantly, but it was no match for my obviously superior tactical knowledge.

Kellie:  But ... I was gone for an hour ... how did you ...

Gypsy the feline dictator:  I see you're speechless from fear of my retribution, but you are safe from my wrath provided you bring me chicken.  Now!

Kellie:  It's EVERYWHERE!  How did you even get in the cupboard to get it out?  And how did you get it open?

Gypsy the feline dictator:  Best not to ask such questions, puny mortal!  The answers are far beyond your understanding.

Kellie:  *grabbing a broom*  This is going to take forever to clean up...


... and this, my friends, is how I ended up spending half an hour vacuuming up rice that had been spread through my entire house!  I'm still not sure how she managed to get the bag open, or why she thought it was necessary to drag it all around the house, leaving a trail of grains in her wake, but I've learned my lesson.  Make sure the pantry cupboard is shut properly before you leave the house.

39 comments:

  1. Or, if your dictator is anything like mine.......

    Put a mouse in the pantry; that will guarantee no rice will ever by savaged (by a feline) again!

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    1. Good idea! If I put a mouse in there, she'll just sit ther and watch while it nibbles on every single piece of food. Problem solved!

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  2. Ewwww, rice in the carpets and floors? WORST.THING.EVER. We decided as kids it would be a super awesome cool idea to watch Rocky Horror Picture show participate in all the activities that go along with it. Rice, water guns and lighters. Don't think those lighters ever worked right and took my aunt months to get all that rice out of the carpet. cats are so funny aren't they!

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    1. Thank god it wasn't wet rice! That'd be too much for me and my questionable housekeeping skills, I think.

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  3. I would've died. I keep all my rice and grains in canisters on the counter. If I came home to rice everywhere I would probably die of a heart attack. Luckily, my kitties just explore the counters. I keep everything pretty locked down. My cupboards are up too hight for them. :)

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    1. Gypsy can't get up on the counter .. she's far too big and clumsy. It's fun to watch her try though!

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  4. Imagine how boring our lives would be without pets. Imagine how clean our homes would be. Imagine not having a furry one to snuggle with when things get overwhelming. I'll choose the rice all over the house any time to a home with no pets. Besides that's just one more excuse for wine! :>)

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    1. I couldn't live without her! Whose fur would I cry into when the Internet guy screws up my connection (much to her distress)?

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  5. Replies
    1. She's definitely the best thing I've ever bought, bad attitude notwithstanding.

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  6. It sucks for you, but I was excited to see the return of the feline dictator as I knew there was a good story at hand. I'm glad you could turn it into funny for us.

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  7. Not only closed properly but also padlocked, I'd suggest.

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  8. I bet if you could have viewed the mess from an aerial location, it was actually a ransom note of some kind. Cats are trixy like that.

    Hugs!

    Valerie

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  9. You *have* to track the rice all over the house so that the floor is evenly rice-covered. You wouldn't want an uneven coating.

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    1. Fair point, perhaps I was a bit harsh. She was just being diligent.

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  10. you are too funny! this is exactly how i imagine conversations going with our dog. i love it!

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    1. I'm firmly convinced in her head she sounds like Kathleen Turner :D

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  11. My wife and I came home one night to discover our bath tub was running. The doors were still locked and there wasn't any sign of someone breaking in. The whole thing was very odd and creepy. Two months later we were watching TV when all of sudden we heard the bath tub start running. I went in there to find one of our cats standing on the rim of bath tub. Somehow she figured out how to turn the bath tub on. To this day we still have no idea how she is able to do that.

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    1. It is terrifying when they learn to do things like that. Gypsy worked out if she pressed the red button on the heater, it would get warm. Now days I make sure to unplug it from the wall when I turn it off.

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  12. Wow, glad your mess wasnt my mess to clean up, lol! By the way, thanks for leaving the comment on my blog about my spammer with bad grammer/sentence structure, lol!

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    1. I suppose I should just be grateful it was something cheap like rice.

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  13. Wow!!

    Hilarious, disturbing, and painful all at the same time!

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    1. It certainly was painful, especially when I step on the rice grains that I missed! You don't realise how pointy they are until you do that!

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  14. Clever cat, but they all think they are superior to humans.

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  15. Cats, can't live with them, can't live without them.

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    1. ... can't condition them with shock collars.

      Just kidding! I'd never do that. Gypsy would probably kill me in my sleep!

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  16. And that is why Koda goes into a crate when we aren't home (its a nice size crate and we aren't gone for more than a few hours at a time). What a mess to clean up though!

    betty

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    1. I'm tempted to lock her in the bathroom sometimes, but then I see that little squishy face and I just melt. I'm such a pushover.

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  17. That's the EXACT reason I've avoided getting a cat.

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  18. And then they jump into your lap all loving like, and your heart melts a bit and then they've got you again! Ahhh sigh xo

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  19. Oh, gosh! It sounds like such a puppy thing to do. But the important thing is, she had fun while you were gone. You wouldn't want her to be bored, right??

    One of my cats used to constantly unroll my toilet paper and shred my paper towels. I had to keep both out of her reach, or I would come home to either a paper decorated bathroom or a paper decorated kitchen, neither decoration of which I actually wanted, believe it or not :)

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    1. Gypsy knows better than to touch the toilet roll. I think she accidentally hit herself on the nose with one when she was a kitten and ever since she won't go near the thing.

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  20. Any rice in the food you currently feed? I have a kitty - Jack - who chews through bags of wheat and corn based items because he grew up on dry food that had those as a main ingredient :) imagine my horror when I brought home a bag of swheat scoop litter and didn't realize he would care.

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