Wednesday, March 13, 2013

There's nothing louder than an outraged possum...

So, this weekend just gone I made a possum homeless.

Yep, I'm a marsupial homewrecker.  The slum lord of the possum world.  I'm sure they mutter about me and what an awful human I am while they do whatever it is that possum's do.

Sorry, you'll probably need a bit of back story on this one.  You see, I've lived in my current place for the past twelve years.  I like it there, the neighbourhood is good and the rent is cheap.  But pretty much from day one I worked out that, regardless of what my lease might say, I wasn't living alone.

I think it was the first time I hopped in the shower that I realised I had a flatmate.  Every time I made a noise, I'd hear a corresponding little tap against the bottom of the tub.  My first thought was "Holy crap, my bath is haunted!  What the hell am I going to do?  Can you get a bathtub exorcised?"  But a quick trip down to the carport told me what the real story was.

A possum the size of a small cat had moved in to the crawl space between the ceiling of the carport and the floor of the bathroom.  When I went down there, he poked his furry little face out, glared at me, flicked me the bird, then turned around and went back to sleep with his big fuzzy butt hanging out the hole in the fibro.

Charming.

But he wasn't hurting anyone by being there, so I just named him Fernando and we proceeded to co-habitate peacefully for the next twelve years.  Sure, occasionally I'd wake him up suddenly by driving a little too quickly into the carport, only to be met with a hissing furball, and sure from time to time he'd knock fuses out of the power panel and plunge the house into darkness, but for the most part we got along fine.

At least, that is, until my landlady called the other day to tell me that she was removing the ceiling in the carport because it was starting to sag.

Two hours.  That's all it took to remove the fibro.  Two hours to make Fernando homeless.

I haven't seen him since, but every evening now I can hear him, coming back to the carport, obviously hoping that his home will have been magically restored, only to find that he's still homeless.  I'm not sure what exactly he's saying with all the snarling and hissing, but it doesn't exactly sound genteel.

The guilt is overwhelming.  Twelve years is about the lifespan of a possum, and he's probably only lived that long because he had such a safe place, but it kind of feels like I've tossed a senior citizen out onto the streets to live.

I'm sorry, Fernando, it was out of my hands.

59 comments:

  1. Kudos to you for letting him peacefully coexist in your home. Most would have freaked and called an exterminator. But it's so sad what's happened to him. Hope he finds somewhere comfortable to live out his golden years.

    S

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    1. Maybe in a possum retirement home. He can play lawn bowls and do water aerobics with the other elderly possums.

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  2. Kudos to you for letting him peacefully coexist in your home. Most would have freaked and called an exterminator. But it's so sad what's happened to him. Hope he finds somewhere comfortable to live out his golden years.

    S

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  3. Oh, Kellie, that's kind of sad. A homeless possum. I bet he hates you now. And he's probably planning revenge at this very moment. I'd be careful whenever you're in the shower from now on. hahahahahahahha

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    1. Now I'm going to have a Hitchcock moment every time I get in the shower, expecting to find a possum holding a butchers knife!

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  4. They are ugly nasty creatures, but I understand your guilt. I had a whole family intombed in my crawl space...thats another story.

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    1. Intombed? Did you bury them alive in there! Was it some sort of sacrifice to the old gods to appease them for building on their sacred land?

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  5. You're nicer than most people. I'm fairly certain my family would have tried to catch and release the guy as far away from our house as possible if he managed to sneak into our home.

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    1. I could have done that I suppose, but I just couldn't be bothered. He really wasn't hurting anyone (besides pulling out fuses every now and then), so I didn't bother getting him removed. But now he's on his own, I'm afraid.

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  6. You are so sweet! I've done a bit of wildlife rescue. Once I fed gatorade to a baby possum so he didn't get dehydrated. Possums really freak a lot of people out, but they are scared of us and will not attack you. We had a little one in our backyard. Our three dogs had found it and I guess he was quite scared and so he played "possum". It was funny and it did trick the dogs. They didn't bother him and a few minutes later he left. :)

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    1. Playing possum really works? Huh, well you learn something new every day. Maybe I'll try it next time a door-to-door evangelist comes to my door :D

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  7. Normally, I would say that possums scare the crap out of me esp. when they hiss. But I feel sorry for Fernando. 12 years is a long time to live somewhere and be evicted. Poor Fernando.

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  8. You are a wonderful person and should feel no guilt!!!! That possum would have met its maker within 24 hours of our initial meeting, and perhaps would have ended up at our dinner table. I hear possum pie is mighty tasty.

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    1. I try to refrain from eating the flatmates, even if they are possums ;D

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  9. I cannot stand possums. Besides the fact that they eat my chickens, they keep hiding under my husband's car. The dogs then find them and tear the car apart to get at them. Maybe you just have smarter possums in Australia. Twelve years is a looong time to be living under your tub. Kudos to that wise animal.

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    1. Yep, 12 years is a really long time. I think Gypsy the Feline Dictator is going to miss him even more. She used to sit in the bathtub and tap back and forth with him for hours.

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  10. Oh great, now I have ABBA playing in my head.

    I hate ABBA.

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    1. ABBA is my guilty pleasure. I can't hear "Fernando" without belting it out at the top of my lungs.

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  11. Poor Fernando. Do you know that poem by Robbie Burns "To a Mouse"? I think you should rewrite it (in Australianese) but with Fernando as the poor evicted protagonist.

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  12. Oh no! I'm sure Fernando will land on his feet though. ...I think opossums do that.

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    1. Well, hopefully he'll find a hidey hole in one of the more affluent houses in the street. I'd like to think he'll take this as an opportunity to trade up.

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  13. This made me laugh and warmed my heart at the same time. Poor, poor Fernando.

    You are a funny lady, miss. Your style of writing makes me laugh. Especially calling yourself a slum lord :) I'm sure Fernando understands. Perhaps he'll find a nice shrub somewhere nearby and hiss at your landlady.

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    1. Yeah, poor Fernando. It's hard for an elderly fuzzy butted possum to find accomodation at a moment's notice, but with any luck he's moved into the dreaded neighbour's house and is stirring their dog up.

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  14. Poor Fernando! I love that he flipped you the bird and presented you promptly with possum-butt.

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    1. Oh, I made myself scarce when the handy man was removing the fibro. I didn't want to face him, I was far too ashamed of my part in it all.

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  15. I wonder where Fernando stayed last night.. where he is now.. If his little heart is broken.. What did he do wrong? He had thought you were friends :( sigh

    Perhaps that next bathtub tap you hear will be haunted!

    :)

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    1. Oh god, that's totally going to happen, isn't it! He's going to die out there on his own, then his little possum spirit is going to come back and haunt the bathtub! Can you call Ghostbusters for something like that?

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  16. Poor Fernando. Maybe you can have some small piece of fibro replaced and restore peace to his world for a short time. Long enough for him to remain there and live out his days. When he will then proceed to stink up the place... But you will know where to find him when it comes time to remove him for good.

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    1. I'll confess, I did actually consider it. But then I thought that maybe a clean break would be best.

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  17. You started the post with "So, this weekend just gone I made a possum homeless."

    Uh uh, no you didn't girlfriend. *snort*

    It was your landlady's fault, go tell him to scuffle round to her house and live there!

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    1. There's a thought. Maybe I should drive Fernando over there and let him find a hidey hole in her place.

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  18. oh oh! Thrown out of his own home?? how could you, Kellie, how could you? I wonder if there are old age homes in the possum community....poor Fernando...

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    1. I know, I'm a horrible human being. Throwing an elderly possum out into the street with noting but the fur on his back.

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  19. I just knew you were the lovely kind of person who would let him stay for 12 years. He'll be fine...I think he comes back to see if YOU are okay!

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    1. Maybe ... although it's much more likely he's trying to figure a way to get in and set up camp in my bedroom.

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  20. Now I must sing a few bars of ABBA's Fernando....ok, it looks like you could put up a small plywood loft, no? Yeah, probably no.

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    1. I totally encourage singing "Fernando" whenever appropriate ... hell, I encourage singing it when it's not appropriate. Definitely one of the best sing-along songs out there.

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  21. Aw! I feel a little sad for the poor bugger. And Fernando is such a cool name. Maybe he's the most interesting possum in the world? :) You know, a lot of people wouldn't have let him hang out all those years.. you're pretty dang cool yourself..

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    1. We had an understanding. I didn't run him off, he didn't poop on the car. We both kept up our ends of the bargain ... at least until now.

      The guilt ... oh, god, the guilt...

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  22. We have rabies galore in our county so I would have to have someone take a possum away from the area if one turned up too close to the house. Fernando's story is a sad one...I had no idea that possums live that long!

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    1. We don't really have rabies here, at least not that I've heard off, but you can get diseases from possums so I certainly never went up to give him a chin scratch. Our's was a strictly hands-off relationship.

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  23. I'm thinking Fernando needed to be pushed out of his comfort zone so he could go out there and find a possum wife and make a possum family. --Or at least date a little. --You know like Matthew McConaughey in that movie "Failure to Launch". He'll be happier in the long run. :) I'm sure he's pouting...but it's for the best.

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    1. Well, as long as he doesn't bring the missus and their seven babies back to make a nest in my spare room!

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  24. Poor little guy...homeless and no family. Could have been a skunk family, I guess. We have lots here.

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    1. Yeah, poor furry little bugger. I wonder if possums can draw a pension?

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  25. Awww, that's a SAD story - poor old fella. Is there any bush around for him? Awwww, he'll prob get beaten up. Aww gosh. -sniff- Can you ring the wildlife people so they can give him a home at the wildlife place there? :(

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    1. Truthfully, it's the other possums in the neighbourhood I feel sorry for. He's enormous, easily outweighs any other possum in the street, and fights like a little demon. I think he's actually moved into the tree in my back yard.

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    2. Haha, so he's a big, tough ol' fellow - I think everyone is going to be wanting updates on this blokes progress and survival!! Me too.
      PS: yes I'm afraid of my little cuties ultimate survival too because of cats - one only in particular, its a stray/feral, obviously dumped poor thing and just trying to survive.

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  26. Oh Kellie! That is too bad. The story was so interesting. I love how you write.

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  27. I'm so torn for poor Fernando. On the one hand, he has an excellent name and totally wasn't hurting anyone. On the other, with a cat and a dog at my house, he wouldn't have been safe, and neither would the furry things I intended to co-habitate with.
    Still, an eviction doesn't mean death, With such a healthy home fort so long, I'm sure he's strong enough to find a new flat in no time.

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  28. Sounds like he prefers "up" instead of "down." Here's hoping he can "hang."

    Slu

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  29. Hi Kellie,

    Please oh please clarify for your readers that Australian possums are nothing like North American possums (or opossums) and are not at all horrid, nasty or ugly, but are in fact, beautiful, gentle, native Australian marsupials.

    Also we are not permitted to 'exterminate' them as they are protected species. You can have them removed from a roof space, but they are not permitted to be taken further than 50 metres, and they are certainly not permitted to be killed.

    And if you were so inclined, you could obtain a possum house from your local RSPCA or WIRES, which could be attached either to the house or to a nearby tree, for your possum to live in. After 12 years, it will be very difficult for your possum to relocate and they are very territorial animals.

    Sarah

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  30. Love your blog! Following now, stay in touch xx

    thedailysugar.blogspot.com

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  31. "Can you hear the drums, Fernando?"
    Aw well, he had a good life, a lot longer than better than many of his species. That's got to count for something?

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  32. I lived quite peacefully with a raccoon for a while. He left me alone, I left him alone, and he didn't go through my trash. Also, he was the size of a pitbull, so I just didn't want him to maul me.

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  33. My heart goes out to Fernando - perhaps you should get him a possum box.

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  34. Umm, that's a possum where you live? Where I live, they are nowhere near that cute. We have the kind that look just vile. Like giant rats with tails. No cute ears and face like your critter. I hate the look of possums so much I just want to drive them over with my car and I never want to do that to any animal!!

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