Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Fantasy movie dwarf deaths are ALWAYS funny...

Dead dwarf walking...
Really, I shouldn't be allowed to watch The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe.  

Bob: I know that The Lord of the Rings had better battle scenes, but there's just something about watching a giant rhino gouging a polar bear, isn't there. 
Me: I know, it's like poetry. Pure Narnian poetry. 
On Screen: Edmund gets stabbed by the White Queen 
Bob: Ouch! That must have hurt! 
Me: They're not pulling the punches. 
Bob: No shit! They just stabbed one of the main characters through the stomach! 
On Screen: Edmund lies on the ground, wheezing and clutching the grass 
Me: You know, for a thirteen year old he's doing a pretty good job of acting like he's dying of a stabwound. Of course, he's acting more like he's got a sucking chest wound, but I'll overlook it. 
Bob: (looking askance) How the hell do you know what a sucking chest wound looks like? 
Me: (eyes glued to the screen) Too many episodes of MASH. 
Bob: Oh! Here's the good bit! 
On screen: The Dwarf gets shot in the chest with an arrow and falls backwards 
Me: (fistpunching) Yes!!! Hilarious!!!! 
Bob: It's not politically correct, but damn that dwarf's funny when he dies! 
Me: I know! It's like "I'm gonna kill you ... sweak ... thump!" 
Bob: I can't believe we're sitting here laughing about a dwarf being shot by an arrow.  We're probably going straight to hell, aren't we. 
Me: (with mouthful of popcorn) No probably about it.

62 comments:

  1. I've never thought about it, but you make an excellent point. I must watch a few of these movies again and see if I laugh out loud.

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    1. Careful, it's a slippery slope to an eternity in hell with me.

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  2. I bet you laugh when Old Yeller or Bambi's Mom dies too, don't you, you heartless bastards *sob*

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    1. I may be evil, but I'm not THAT evil! No one laughs when Bambi's mother dies!

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  3. Heartless? Naw! I'm sure it's just, you know, like nervous laughter at a funeral. Yeah, like that! You're just trying to hold back you tears!

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    1. Of course, that must be it. I must have been so overwhelmed with grief that I started laughing uproariously.

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  4. I will have to rewatch it and try to see it from a more comedic perspective. Typically when any thing dies in a movie I become despondent and have to find carbs to eat away the pain. Popcorn is a good idea...I'll keep it handy.

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    1. It's pretty tragic, I'd invest in some cheese doodles too if I were you.

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  5. I'm convinced that everything a dwarf does is funny, even dying. Imagine one getting beaten up. Squirming on the ground, getting kicked really hard, tiny limbs trying to fend them off. It's just so unexplainably funny.

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    1. Oh god, now I just feel awful! I'm a horrible human being, I giggled all the way through that comment.

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  6. No one tosses a dwarf, but I'd still like to see that.

    I gave you a Shout-Out on my blog today. :)

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  7. Aw, Kellie. Laughter really is good for the heart--you must have needed it :) But laughing at violence.....hmm. I happen to like this movie and there is no denying that Lord of the Rings and its sequels are awesome. A huge fan.

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    1. Laughter. Good for the heart, but bad for the soul I'm afraid.

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  8. What kind of a monster are you? Especially as you know of the love between me and Guido the dwarf!

    Actually this was pretty hilarious. :)

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    1. I'm sorry, I should have remember your and Guido's epic love story.

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  9. Uh, I believe they prefer "little people." It's about what now? Oh, that's the proper name for the fictional character you enjoy watching get shot up by an arrow? Never mind, then, carry on.

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    1. Hey, in my defence he was an EVIL magical dwarf, and he totally had that arrow coming to him.

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  10. OK< I thought it might be time to watch these movies, but am now convinced I will not enjoy them without your commentary! (My husband will not participate, but wait...maybe the 15 year old...)

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    1. Ah yes, I firmly believe that my personal commentary would improve most people's movie going experience. I'm hilarious ;D

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  11. It is not easy to say "dead dwarf" out loud three times fast.

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    1. Plus, if you do it in public you get really weird looks.

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  12. There was an episode of a talk show with dwarves on it- fighting. It was hilarious! See you in Hell then? I have my flat already picked out.

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  13. As they don't have as far to fall, for dramatic effect I like it when they roll a few times and flop around a little, too.

    (Did I just say that out loud?)

    S

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    1. LOL! It's like a minefield of political incorrectness, isn't it. I don't think there's a single way to approach this topic without sounding like the reincarnation of Atilla the Hun

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  14. You are so funny, Kellie :)

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    1. I owe it all to the hilarity of politically incorrect death scenes ;D

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  15. This conversation made me laugh out loud. As long as no one kills Gimli...we're good.

    Thanks for stopping by!

    Emily
    A Devine Life

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    1. Don't worry, according to the rules of fantasy literature Gimli is safe from death related hilarity. He's one of the good guys.

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  16. Replies
    1. I encourage that! But be warned, make sure you're not drinking anything during the death scene. I don't want to be responsible for you choking to death on a mouthful of Pepsi.

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  17. We're all probably going to hell, but I don't think its the dwarf deaths that are taking us there...

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    1. Very true. If I went through all the reasons for my eventual damnation, that's probably pretty far down on the list.

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  18. As far as death scenes go, I am very partial to the way over-acted death of Alan Rickman in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves - very funny :)

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    1. That was a great one. I've always loved Paul Reubens death in the movie Buffy The Vampire Slayer. He just looked so unimpressed!

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  19. I am partial to all of the marionette deaths in Team America.

    Sarah xxx

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    1. Oh god! Marionette sex scenes! I will never forget those scenes!

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  20. It's a relief to know I'll be in good company when I finally meet my just rewards. Make sure you look me up for a giggle at something or other inappropriate!

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    1. Absolutely! We'll make a party of it, I'm sure we'll have plenty of company.

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  21. I'm not seeing anymore movies without you! LOVE how your brain works.

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    1. Perhaps I should rent myself out for movie watching :D

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  22. Would you believe I've never seen that movie? You realize I have to now, right? Hilarious post!

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    1. You'll never be able to look at magical dwarf death scenes in the same way again :D

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  23. You are one funny lady, Kellie. Love the new blog look too.

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    1. Thanks! It took me a while to get it right, but I think I finally have something that works ... at least until I get bored and decide to redo it again :D

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  24. I love the humor sprinkled throughout your posts :)

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    1. Thanks! It's just my natural sarcasm shining through. People here think I'm funny, but in real life they tend to lean towards "smart ass".

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  25. Replies
    1. Me too, I always have. It was the first longish book series I ever read by myself so it has a special place in my heart.

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  26. I love the book, and the movie, and yes, even the evil dwarves:) Great post:)

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  27. This got me thinking about other fantasy dwarf deaths, but then I suddenly realized I couldn't think of any! This has me concerned for some reason.

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    1. That's a good point ... now that I think about it I'm not sure I can come up with any others. It's actually a bit unsettling.

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  28. Pretty much anything that happens to dwarves on-screen is funny, IMHO. Peter Jackson knew this, and that's why Gimli was the comic relief.

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  29. No disrespect to Lily and Guido's great love, but actually it's pretty funny when anything happens to a dwarf on TV, I can still think about the time when Amy Roloff fell and rolled down the hill and get hysterical. Save a spot in hell for me.

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  30. Lmao! I giggled at the dwarf-kabob, too. Guess I'll see ya in the Big Sauna. ;)

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