Thursday, March 7, 2013

Who'd have thought we'd count ourselves luck to ONLY get horse meat in our Ikea food...

Alright, it's decided.  I'm never, EVER eating in an Ikea cafeteria again.  I don't care how cheap their food is.

It's bad enough that they found horse meat in some of the hot dogs and meat patties in your European stores, but at least that wasn't dangerous to anyone's health.  Cringe worthy for sure, no one wants to find out they've been eating Mr Ed during their lunch break, but not dangerous.

But now China have found faecal bacteria in their Ikea store chocolate cakes?

How the hell ... how is it even possible for that to happen?  How is it possible that high levels of coliform bacteria could be found in baked goods?  What, you're using the same machinery you use to process the cow's intestines?  Your bakers don't wash their hands after they go potty?  You're being creative when you advertise that you use all natural colourings?

Eww ... grossed myself out there.

Like most people I've had my issues with you over the years, Ikea.  Sure, I've sacrificed hours of my life (and came close to fisticuffs with my brother) while attempting to assemble some of your furniture, I've gotten lost  almost every time I've gone into your stores and had to have a sales assistant show me the way out, and the great lampshade fiasco of 2003 is best not revisited.

I was willing to overlook all that though.  You did, after all, sell me my beloved pet cactus, Pedro, who has been my constant companion over the past seven years, and your Christmas gingerbread house kits are both cheap and delicious (although I'm trying very hard not to think about what might have been in them).

But this ... I'm not sure I can overlook this.  You've changed, Ikea.  You used to be about the flat packed furniture, not the horse patties and poop-cakes.

70 comments:

  1. I've never eaten at any IKEA (and I live five minutes away from one of the largest ones in Sweden) - nor will I ever do. Regarding food, I kind of have this "You get what you pay for - quality" approach: if it's cheap, it's probably shit. In this particular case, it's cheap and shit. I'm not always right, but when I am...

    ReplyDelete
  2. And what a particularly appetizing photo you've chosen for this post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, it's either incredibly delicious, or incredibly disgusting, depending whether you've read the article or not.

      Delete
  3. I like the image of the faithful cactus Pedro by your side.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I figure I'm eating poop at most places--money is covered in poop, most people don't wash their hands well, it's everywhere. And I don't really like horses very much and have no problem eating them.

    So I accept the risk of IKEA food. (Anyway, isn't horse meat a delicacy in some places...like France?)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'd probably be happier if we just didn't know. I'm of the philosophy that what I don't know won't kill me, but once the cat's out of the bag then that's it.

      Delete
  5. I like Starr have always been under the impression that there is "don't even want to think about it" stuff in my restaurant food all the time. As a teen I worked in a restaurant kitchen and figured out fairly quickly what doesn't kill a person might taste good accompanied by fries.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm just glad I never worked in the food preparation industry. Ignorance is definitely bliss.

      Delete
  6. I can't Whine about the fact that I've NEIGHver been to an IKEA store.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Wow. I didn't even realize they had IKEAs in China. My husband and I were just at one of the stores this past weekend and were like, wth? IKEA isn't a grocery store. I mean, seriously, who buys food at IKEA?

    I could say something really disgusting about how fecal matter gets into chocolate cake, but I won't. I'm trying to be mature.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, please don't be mature on my behalf! In fact, I thoroughly encourage immaturity!

      Delete
  8. Replies
    1. Yep. Definitely pooey, at least that's what the tests said.

      Delete
  9. I'd eat it if they brought an Ikea to South Africa. It is one of my favourite stores.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well I don't think I'll eat there anymore ... but I'm not going to do anything crazy like stop buying their furniture.

      Delete
  10. I've stopped dining at Swedish furniture stores all together.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Just had to put the bit in there about the natural coloring didn't you?
    I won't buy food at a flat-packed furniture store, nor will I buy flat-packed furniture at a bakery.
    Who am I kidding? I'll never buy flat-packed furniture regardless of where they sell it, and I'd probably buy chocolate cake just about anywhere. Except Ikea. And the gas station.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm definitely not buying any more food from flat packed furniture stores, but I'll keep an open mind about any bakeries who decide to sell boxed coffee tables.

      Delete
  12. I never eat at a furniture store, or buy furniture at a fast food resturant....but that's just me.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I always thought it was weird they sold food anyway. They can't assemble the furniture for you but have time to cook? Seems sketchy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It does seem like their priorities are a little skewed, doesn't it.

      Delete
  14. Girl, you had me in stitches. Poop? Na mate, they gotta be kidding. I love my food to the max, and I don't mind horse-meat either. in fact, if I had known that burgers were 100% horse meat, I would have stocked up the freezer big time. I say this because do you know how much horse meat costs if you ask for it by name? So to think it was selling cheap beats me.

    Anyway, I don't fancy eating anyone's poop, but what can you do? Nothing is safe nowadays. Chicken is pork, beef is horse meat, chocolate cake is poop and the list is endless as we will all be finding out shortly. Lets just see what our children look like and behave like in years to come, ha ha ha. Some will be jumping like horses no doubt, and enough people are already clucking if you know what I mean, and much more.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just don't tell me what's in a Big Mac ... I'd like to keep some mystery there.

      Delete
  15. That poop-cake comment made me think of cow pies. And that made me wonder if horse poop is called horse pies, or if that's something different altogether and that's too much thinking about poop really.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is a lot of poop in the one sentence. Not that I'm complaining or anything! In fact, I strongly encourage the use of the word poop in everyday conversations.

      Delete
  16. Your post reminds me that I have a forty dollar gift card to Ikea I haven't redeemed. I wonder if it's still good.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perhaps you can get yourself some nice horse patties and a poop cake ;D

      Delete
  17. I have a love/hate relationship with Ikea, too. I do like their meatballs, but after reading this post I checked the label on the half bag I still have in my freezer and it didn't say anything about multi-legged critters or shit or anything like that in the ingredients list. I think I'm good. Whew!

    S

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just a tip, if you're eating one and a bridle gets stuck in your teeth, you might want to be a bit suspicious.

      Delete
  18. I just could never get the food and furniture connection. Are we suppose to get hungry while trying to put together their furniture so we order food at the same time? What was the marketing strategy behind all that?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm not sure. I think they decided they needed a food place due to the number of people who get lost in their stores for days on end. Can't have them all expiring in the knick knack aisle.

      Delete
  19. I've had friends say that divorce was pretty much the next step after attempting to put Ikea furniture together. After reading your post I am grateful I never attempted the 3-4 hour drive to Sydney to visit an Ikea store and I thank God now that there isn't any up HERE!! ;) (WOW, can you believe all that?!!) Shame, shame. Shame on them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I very rarely go, and the last couple of times have all been work related (the curse of holding one of the work credit cards), but they're surprisingly deceptive. They look so innocent, but inside it's a maze of homewares and poop pastries.

      Delete
  20. I prefer to think of ikea having a sampling of stools...not stool samples...eeeeeyuck!

    ReplyDelete
  21. somehow your aussie way of spelling faecal makes it sound slightly less...fecal. which is good. or goodish. ps is the term aussie offensive? i honestly don't know. sorry if it is...

    jill

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL! No, the term Aussie isn't offensive. I do recommend that people use the expression "Dinky-di" sparingly though.

      Delete
  22. I'm wondering if I'll ever drool over their textiles and sleek flat packed furnishings again after reading this.

    Oh well. Even if I owned a wardrobe with a bajillion drawers, cubby holes, shelves and hanging rods - I would still get dressed out of the dryer every morning. After my desperate search for two socks that sort of go together.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You and me both, honey. My clothes have spent more time on the floor of my bedroom than they ever will in the wardrobe.

      Delete
  23. Boy! I just wish I hadn't run into this post. The countless times that I have had their hotdogs here in Rhodes! I think I am going to be sick!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sure your hotdogs were fine ... um, you didn't find bits of a bridle in it or anything like that, did you?

      Delete
  24. I love getting lost in the store but have never eaten there. Not sure why as everyone I know raves about it. Well, now who's laughing. That would be me, in case you were wondering. I was going to say I was safe now that I am living in Thailand. But that is in the same region as China, so thanks for the warning. Luckily I am not drooling so much over the picture of the chocolate cake as to do anything drastic. Thanks for the warning!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes! Avoid the chocolate cake! In fact, I'd say avoid the food in general. As another commenter said, it's a bit suspicious that they have time to cook us lunch, but they can't be bothered putting a table together. Very fishy.

      Delete
  25. Hmmm so does this mean I should avoid licking their alan wrenches after successfully putting together a bookshelf? It's part of my victory ritual! Yeah, I feel kind of vindicated refusing to eat in their weird cafeteria and starting an argument over it once. Of course my spouse doesn't recall that so my gloating falls on deaf ears.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sure you'll be fine with licking the alan wrenches. I had a think about it and I can't come up with a single way they could put either horse meat or poop in them.

      Delete
  26. This is seriously why I learned how to cook and prepare everything myself. If you think the guy who's handling your burrito washes his hands every single time he takes a huge dump... well, ignorance is bliss, right?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Probably a wise precaution. I never worked in the food industry so I'm pretty naive about these things. I just assume everyone who works in a kitchen is magically decontaminated every five minutes.

      Delete
  27. Yuk!! I have often been far too tempted by chocolate and cake whilst waiting in seemingly endless IKEA check-out queues. Best not to think about it....

    Found you via the GYB hop and looking forward to following on Bloglovin.

    Kate x
    http://www.kateathome.com/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Welcome, and thanks for the follow! Best not think about the things you've eaten in Ikea in the past though, or you'll find yourself sitting in the shower, rocking back and forth and crying while scalding hot water washes away the shame and self loathing.

      Delete
  28. horse patties and poop cakes.
    Oh man, you had me laughing. Thanks!

    Itbritt

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're welcome! I'm here all week. Don't forget to tip your waitress!

      Delete
  29. Thanks for the laughs!! I'm a new Twitter follower from the Grow Your Blog blog hop. I am looking forward to more fun posts from a self-proclaimed geek girl. Love it! :)

    Mary Catherine of Fun-A-Day!
    http://www.fun-a-day.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awesome! I only got my twitter stuff sorted out yesterday. I had no idea you could syndicate posts to it! What will these muggles come up with next, hmm?

      Sorry, gratuitous Harry Potter reference. Well, I am a geek girl ;D

      Delete
  30. As much as I love my meat I only stick to beef, chicken, fish and sometimes turkey or pork. If I found out there was anything else in there I'd vomit! There is no way in hell I'd try anything else as I'm not interested in eating Skippy, Lassie or Mr Ed!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've had kangaroo before, but I find it a bit wild tasting. Personally, I love lamb. Mmmm, lamb roast...

      I just don't understand why it's so expensive! It's Australia, we've got sheep coming out the whazoo, but it's stupidly pricey!

      Delete
  31. I went to Ikea the other day with a friend. I was all "don't buy those... It's horse meat." But she didn't care. Maybe we shouldn't do tequila shots prior to going? I guess it affects the judgement.

    Good thing Eddie was there to talk me out of a ginormous light fixture purchase...

    Hugs!

    Valerie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ooh, drinking and Ikea are never a good combination. That's how you end up with a house full of white plyboard furniture!

      Delete
  32. LOVE the laughs you gave me in this post Kellie :)

    You've had kangaroo before??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, they sell it in the supermarket here. You can get steaks, mince, sausages or rissoles. They also sell it as pet food. It's pretty cheap, at least comparable to the price of chicken or beef, and health wise it's much better for you than just about any meat except fish. But it's definitely an acquired taste.

      Delete
  33. Faecal bacteria???? Oh SIS! (Thats Afrikaans for gross!) Here in South Africa they have also recently found traces of horse, giraffe and KANGAROO DNA in our processed meat! We dont even HAVE kangaroos hopping around here! The whole country just seriously wants to go vegetarian. I think this is a super good excuse for me to start making my own pizza to eat for breakfast, lunch and supper! :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We eat a fair bit of kangaroo meat here, so that one wouldn't faze me, but GIRAFFE MEAT!!! How on earth did that end up in there?

      Delete
    2. No idea! Giraffe is not something we eat here so i dont know whats going on in this world. With Switzerland now also eating dogs and cats, i just dont know... *sigh*

      Delete
  34. Hi Kellie,
    WOW, I had no idea about IKEA and horsemeat! This is awful! I don't go to IKEA often because the nearest store to me is 2 hours away. Thanks for stopping by my blog the other day. I'll be back to visit you again :)
    Dawn in New Hampshire
    @ A Place for Pictures and Memories

    ReplyDelete
  35. I've never eaten at an IKEA. And now I never will.

    It's not the horse-meat thing that grosses me out. I don't like the sound of it, but humans have eaten horse historically all over the world for thousands of years. I can deal with that. But fecal bacteria? I draw a hard line.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Right here is the right blog for anyone who really wants to find out about this topic.
    You know a whole lot its almost hard to argue with you (not that
    I really would want toÖHaHa). You definitely put a fresh spin on a topic that's been written about for ages. Great stuff, just great!

    Here is my weblog :: fighttheflab.net

    ReplyDelete