|Who's a ferocious killing machine!|
You are! Yes, you are!
At least, that's the only reason I can come up with for the sheer number of pamphlets I've received lately from Quark Expeditions, a company that specialises in holidays to The Arctic.
When the first one arrived, I assumed it was some sort of financial investment scheme and tossed it away without even looking at it. The second one caught my eye though with the huge picture of a white furred death machine on the front, and that's when I started to wonder why I was getting them. I hadn't signed up to anything that would put me on their lists, not even a pair of thermal undies. Then I got a third. And then a fourth. That's when I realised someone was trying awfully hard to get me to go to a remote, climatically unfriendly location that is crawling with dangerous animals.
And that, gentle readers, is why I think someone is trying to kill me.
Obviously someone with an axe to grind has signed me up to their mailing list, hoping that pictures of adorable Arctic foxes, seal pups and rabbits will tempt me to take them up on the offer. Then, once I'm there, I'll be torn limb from limb by a polar bear. If I'm lucky, it'll be an adorable polar bear.
Of course, that's assuming I don't freeze to death before the adorable killer polar bear finds me. I live in Queensland! As much as I love the cold, I don't have the same tolerance for it as those of you who live in places were it regularly gets lower than 60 degrees fahrenheit. I'm pretty sure that I'd be a human ice cube within the first half hour.
So, person who is trying to kill me via the convoluted medium of adorable polar bear, I just wanted to let you know that your evil plans aren't going to work. I won't be going on a trek to the Arctic, no matter how many shiny coloured brochures you have Quark Expeditions send me.
But if you want to try death by Las Vegas five star hotel, I could probably get on board for that.
So, have any of you guys ever received something completely weird and unexpected in the mail?