Wednesday, January 2, 2013

MI6 teaches us the importance of deleting one's browser history...

Sometimes I read something and I can't help but be offended.  Just how stupid do they think I am?  I mean I like a good conspiracy theory as much as the next person, but this one really takes the cake.

"Gareth Williams, the MI6 worker found naked and dead inside a padlocked bag in the bath at his London apartment in 2010 probably did it to himself, Scotland Yard has found."

Oh sure, that's what those intelligence agencies always say, right?  He shot himself in the head.  She poisoned herself and then threw herself off the balcony of a twenty story building.  He tied himself to the wall of an industrial building and attached twenty thousand volt electrical cables to his own nipples.

I'm not falling for that old chestnut, secret service people!

But then the story got a bit weirder ... if that's even possible.

"His landlord testified that she once found him handcuffed to his bed, embarrassed and asking for help."

Huh, okay, so that's definitely a bit suspicious.  But still, it's totally possible that they paid off the landlady!  Slipped her a quick fifty to get her to agree to it?

"Meantime, forensic experts reportedly found about $32,000 worth of luxury women's clothing, shoes and wigs in his apartment."

Ahh ... well yeah, that's quite the expensive kink ... but still doesn't mean he locked himself into a gym bag in his own bathtub.  I'm going to need more evidence than that to believe you, Scotland Yard!

"Williams was also found to have been visiting bondage and sadomasochism websites, including several related to claustrophilia - a desire for confinement in enclosed spaces."

Oh come on, this is all circumstantial evidence!  Just because he had a kink, a very specific kink granted, that doesn't mean he did it to himself!  I mean, how would you even get to that point!

"He was discovered in the fetal position inside the red holdall, with two keys to the padlock also inside the bag."

Okay, okay, I'll concede, against my better judgement.  It's entirely possible that they're telling the truth.

Today's life lesson is brought to you by the good people at MI6, showing us why you should always have a designated person to get rid of your browser history and clean up any "questionable items" in the event of your death.

35 comments:

  1. $32,000 worth of ladies clothing!

    That really is an expensive kink...whatever happened to just pinching the odd pair of knickers from the neighbourhood washing-lines?

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    1. I don't know any women who have a wardrobe worth that much! It's a pretty hefty sum for a kink!

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  2. Wow! This guy had to set aside some serious time just to masturbate. That's a lot of production just to get off. Is it really worth having your landlady uncuff you from the bed and figure out the right size bag you can crawl into for what, like 20 seconds of actual pleasure? It makes guys who want to be pooped on seem downright pedestrian.

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  3. Never heard of claustrophilia before. What else can I say?

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  4. I wouldn't want to imagine what terror he experienced once he realized what he'd done. Some things may sound all sexy and exciting in theory, although I fail to see the appeal in this particular fantasy.

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    1. Like most fantasies, I guess it didn't live up to expectations in reality. Poor bloke.

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  5. I must agree with MI6...it sounds like he self-chlorinated his own gene pool. Sounds like there will soon be quite an Estate Sale. ;)

    S

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    1. the estate sale imagery made me giggle something fierce.

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    2. I LOVE Estate Sales!! How do I find out where & when his will be? (I wonder what size he was.)

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    3. But who's going to want all those high heeled shoes in a men's size 10?

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  6. It makes my odd desire to meet women and have fun, seem a little tame. I must get out more.

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    1. Ah yes, there's a whole world of kinkiness out there, you just have to go out and find it!

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  7. Oh wow. 32000 worth of women's clothes?

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  8. Kellie! Those kinks are kinks for a reason.

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    1. Well I suppose he wasn't hurting anyone ... at least he wasn't right up to the point he accidentally killed himself.

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  9. When I heard that story initially I thought it was crazy. Yes he may have rightly been a kinky little something or other but he would need to be a little Houdini/David Blaine esque to padlock the suitcase after it was zipped up. He would need to be a contortionist to pull that off and while the laundry list is long it didn't seem to include freaky bending abilities.

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  10. We just have to accept that sometimes people happen to fall down elevator shafts... On to some... Bullets? Uhhhh... Yea...

    Hugs!

    Valerie

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    Replies
    1. Unfortunate, but true. Death by accidentally falling down an elevator shaft and onto a half dozen bullets is on the rise.

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  11. Haven't heard this story but thanks for polluting my brain. Wow, I am amazed at the lengths that people will go to. One wierdo is someone else's neighbor.

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  12. great post *_* your blog is very good and interesting. im glad if you check out my latest post if you like :)

    xx
    beauthi.blogspot.com

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  13. LOVE this! You never know about people.

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    1. Still waters run deep, I suppose. But surely it's a bit of a stereotype, the repressed english genius who's freaky in the sack.

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  14. Replies
    1. You just never know what's going on behind closed doors :)

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  15. Kellie, just in case I meet with an "accident" YOU are in charge of deleting my internet history, ok? I know you will have to fly half way around the world, but what are friends for, right?? ;)

    Happy New Year, darling!! :)

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    1. Well of course I'll take care of it! But I'll probably just hack into your computer from here if that's alright with you. I'm not sure exactly how to do that, but they make it look easy in the movies so I'm not expecting there to be any difficulties. Will you do the same for me? Just ignore all the Stargate Atlantis Slash Fanfiction websites in my history, they were ... research. Yeah, research...

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    2. ONLY if YOU ignore all the Stargate Atlantis Fanfiction websites in MY history. Ronan....a-hem. Excuse me....ANYWAY, and please ignore all the damn time I spent on Pinterest. I'm going to die from eventually eating all those recipes I pin. :)
      Oh, and of course, hack in from there! What was I thinking??? :)

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  16. Okay.. I only have one question here.. What.the.hell???

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    1. My thoughts exactly! Either something very scary or very kinky happened in that apartment, I'm I'm not sure which would be worse.

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