Can you believe that when a Montana mother complained to her daughter's school that she was being bullied because of her early development in the mammary department, the school recommended a breast reduction?
Seriously, a boob job for a thirteen year old! What the hell were they thinking?
Probably that it was easier to get rid of the problem than to deal with educating the kids about things like this. No wonder the mother was horrified.
I remember when I was about fourteen or fifteen, I bought myself a bottle of some sort of potion that promised to get rid of my acne, leaving smooth, silky skin behind. But I found myself suffering from buyer's remorse about half an hour later.
Rather than getting rid of my spots and giving me the peaches and cream complexion I wanted, I ended up with a face that was red raw, the skin cracked and peeling away. Turns out there was a small (teeny tiny) disclaimer on the side of the bottle that warned it "may cause temporary irritation".
Oh yeah, my skin was irritated, and so was I.
I had school the next day, how could I go looking like that? I remember telling my my mother that I refused, absolutely refused, to go if I still looked like a beetroot. And I remember her answer was "You're not staying home from school just because your face is red".
At the time I was horrified, and so angry. How could she make me go to school looking like Quasimodo's less attractive sister? I'd be laughed right out of the 9th grade!
But in hindsight I have to admit, she was right. I don't remember if there was any reaction to my red face from my classmates, although if I don't recall it I'm guessing not. But one thing I do know is if I had been allowed to stay home the thing I would have learned from it was that it's okay to hide if you don't look perfect. That my looks were more important than my character.
So thanks Mum for doing the right thing even when I got stroppy and teen-angsty.
Of course my situation was completely different to this girl's. My skin only stayed red for a few days, her chest isn't going to get any smaller on it's own. But I can't help thinking the principle's the same. If you tell a kid that their physical appearance is so important that it requires surgery for them to be "normal", then you can damned well expect them to glean from it that their looks are the most valuable thing they have.
Are we sure that's what we want to be teaching kids?
I think the title of your post pretty much sums it up.
ReplyDeleteThe vast majority of teens are so consumed with what THEY look like, they don't spend too much time bothered with what their peers are self-concious about. (also the realistic severity of any image issue for a teen is magnified by at least 30 in their heads)
And the idea of someone cosmetically altering a teenager, who hasn't even finished growing yet, is just terrifying!
DeleteBlaming the victim is never an answer to bullying. Those school officials need some remedial education.
ReplyDeleteI agree! I was bullied in elementary school because I wore glasses and got good grades, which made me a "nerd," which obviously meant there was something wrong with me and that they should tease me mercilessly. I cried every morning before school in 7th grade because I didn't want to go. But was it my fault? Would the appropriate response from the school have been to tell me to "dumb it up" and get contacts? Hardly. We need some real change in our bullying awareness programs. My mom's school starts their anti-bullying programming in kindergarten. They've been doing it for about 7 years now, so that first class is not in 7th grade and the consensus is that it is working. They teach children to celebrate uniqueness, not to ridicule it. It's hard work but my mom says that the change in the school since I attended is remarkable.
DeleteI wore glasses (from Grade 5 on, got good grades and hung out at the library. Oh, hang on, I am still hanging out at the library - and smiling!
DeleteHopefully the media heat will give them some incentive to change.
DeleteDear Lord - what next? Recommending surgery for a 13 year old? She may indeed opt to have surgery at some point in the future, but in the meantime the only boobs that should be reduced - or perhaps removed - are those school officials.
ReplyDeleteHa! Burn! Love it.
DeleteIf the surgery was recommended by a doctor that'd be one thing, but somehow I don't think a school official has the qualifications to do something like that.
DeleteHello Kellie:
ReplyDeleteYes, the message cannot be repeated enough that it is the person inside that is valuable and not the outward looks. Increasingly in these image driven days, the seeking of 'perfection' in all aspects of life is becoming obtrusive. Human beings are essentially fragile and imperfect and that, in our view, is what makes them so very interesting and needing to be nurtured not lectured!
It's just such a horrible thing to do to a girl who's at that awkward stage of development. It's so easy to seriously damage their self esteem in a way that will last long into their adulthood.
DeleteIt is interesting (0h...and disturbing) at the evolution of how much emphasis is put on "how people look." Even yesterday, it was interesting how much of the national news coverage talked about how people looked and what they wore as opposed to the process of the swearing in of a President.
ReplyDeleteCrazy that a school would suggest such an outrageous thing. Makes it hard to teach that 13 year old to love her body when she is both being bullied and have school faculty that are idiots.
It is interesting that the First Lady's hairstyle was what I saw most on the news. Don't get me wrong, it looked good on her, but I can't help thinking that our priorities are definitely skewed.
DeleteActually this incident took place in Missouri. MO is the state abbreviation for Missouri not Montana. I'm from Montana and we get bullied enough for being hicks. We don't also need to be criticized for advocating plastic surgery for kids. See how sensitive I am from being called a hick all these years?
ReplyDeleteOops! Sorry, I'm an Aussie. I googled it and cottoned onto the first site, which said Montana. Thanks for letting me know though.
DeleteThis bothered me even more that "Toddlers and Tiaras"!
ReplyDeleteYeah, at least eyelash extensions are about as far as those whack job mothers are willing to go.
Deletehi Kellie! Very well written and taken. Too many are given the easy way out now days. Just too many. I too was "busty" at an early age and I just had to deal with it. Still do. (if you have noticed my posts of me modeling my thrifty finds?) But yes, character is more important. The movie "Mean Girls" comes to mind and the insipid Mother played by Amy Poehler, wanted the fame her daughter was seeking. This situation is clearly on the parent's head or lack of a head.
ReplyDeleteI meant on the school officials lack of a head.
DeleteLOL! I wasn't an early bloomer, but I seem to remember the girl who was ended up being incredibly popular. Maybe that isn't any better, being popular for all the wrong reasons.
DeleteI think a parent can do so so much to help a child get and KEEP a good self image. To love themselves for who they are. OR, they can totally blow it and send the wrong message . . . like "get a boob job at 13 cuz you're just not good enough the way you are." Stupid parents!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteIt's so easy to screw someone's self image up when they're 13. It's a shame there seems to be so many people out there determined to do it.
DeleteI'm sure the fact that her mom is talking to the news about the situation is helping. How horrified would you be if at the age of 13 your large breasts were being discussed in the paper? While the school personnel is most certainly in the wrong, they aren't the only adults who need to rethink their actions.
ReplyDeleteThat's a very good point. I'd imagine that the girl is mortified by the whole circus.
DeleteThe school said that? That is just irresponsible
ReplyDeleteAnd stupid! It's like they're begging to be sued.
DeleteI think that school principal/counselor needs to have his/her head surgically removed from their ass. (Is it OK if I say "ass" here?)
ReplyDeleteS
Oh absolutely, in fact I strongly encourage swearing here. I know some people say that swearing just shows a lack of vocabulary, but by the same logic you could say that using the word "banana" shows a lack of vocab. So go right ahead, drop and f-bomb if you like!
DeleteYou are gorgeous both inside and out - and have a wicked sense of humour to boot. Love your blog.
ReplyDeleteAww, thanks darlin'! Shucks, I'm blushing!
DeleteAlso, if you tell them they need medication to be able to learn, what are you setting them up for in the future? If every time things get difficult, do they look for a drug to fix it??? Sorry, that was off track, sort of, but it's the current topic around here.
ReplyDeleteIt's a good point! When do the drugs stop being for the kids own good and start being for the convenience of the parent?
DeleteMy wife had problems in school when she started to develop at an early age. I wonder why this is such a problem for girls. When boys start looking "manly" we're usually proud of it.
ReplyDeleteI guess it's because from an early age we're encouraged to be "modest", and any visual representation that goes against that is subconsciously frowned upon. Damn society and it's unwritten social norms!
DeleteKellie, you have brought to light a most important point in this post. Your Mum is a wise lady and a lesson learnt by you. Character, character, character!!
ReplyDeleteIt'd save a lot of girls a lot of trouble if they learned that lesson earlier.
DeleteBullied for being the first to develop? When I was in school, that was the most popular girl. It was like she knew some sort of sorcery that all others wanted to learn. I could see if they were hurting her back, but because she was bullied? I love the idea of not only blaming the victim but suggesting body-altering surgery.
ReplyDeleteIt does seem to be overboard in the victim blaming, doesn't it.
DeleteI'm with Pickleope! The first to develop got all the good attention in school! It makes me sad to realize that fixing a problem is easier done in a hospital than through education and proper manners. I say that of course sounding like a prudish throwback to the 1880s but there it is.
ReplyDeleteThat's the thing though, isn't it. When exactly did it become easier to suggest plastic surgery than to actually deal with the problem?
DeleteExcellent Post Kellie... good points. Crazy world we live in. Take care, Slu
ReplyDeleteIt certainly is. That poor girl shouldn't have had to put up with any of that.
DeleteWhat a load of shit from the school, she's 13 for god's sake.
ReplyDeleteI completely understand if she wants it at 18 it's her choice, but she's 13.
At thirteen, the only person who should be suggesting something like that is a doctor, and only for health reasons.
DeleteBoob job for a 13 year old as requested by the school!?! It's like they're just asking to be sued.
ReplyDeleteHugs!
Valerie
It makes you wonder if the person who said it still has their job, doesn't it.
Deletein Korea and Taiwan it is very common for parents to present their kids with face lift vouchers on their 16th birthday. boob job and surgeries to make their eyes appear bigger and fuller are so common among teens, which is really sad.
ReplyDeletecrazy world.
Jeez, plastic surgery for kids who haven't even finished growing yet!
DeleteErgh. The saddest thing is that this was the school's suggestion. Not one of the bullies... but the school! BOO!
ReplyDeleteYep, it sucks when the people who are supposed to be the voices of reason are in fact the idiots.
Deletethis post is very interesting and easy to read, I hope to visit again
ReplyDeleteThanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it!
DeleteI get that people are horrified by the suggestion but really teenagers today are a lot different than when I was developing early. Boys remarked and I hit them and that was the end of that. Between the cell phone cameras and interesting views on sexuality now things are scary. If you want to be truly terrified watch Sexy Baby I think is the name of the documentary that talks about teenagers and their behavior as well as a surgery that makes me just shake my head and a former porn star who is trying to settle into a normal life and have kids.
ReplyDelete