Sunday, January 6, 2013

If any long lost elderly relatives want to make me their heir, I'm totally up for that...

Who among us hasn't dreamed of some long lost relative suddenly appearing out of the blue, then conveniently popping their clogs and leaving them a disgustingly large fortune?  I know I certainly have!  Many an hour I've spent imagining Great Aunt Esmerelda, who is both conveniently rich and conveniently over the age of 95, and who leaves her entire estate to little old me.

So when I read about this poor bloke who died homeless and penniless, only for it to be discovered soon after that he was in the running to inherit a share of a three hundred million dollar fortune from a relative he didn't even know he had, I was astounded by the irony of it.  So close, and yet so far!

Poor bastard.  He had happen to him what everyone dreams of, but he didn't even get to live long enough to find out!

Of course it's not likely to happen to me.  I'm not even sure where this long lost relative would come from.  Our family is pretty well researched, at least for the past few generations, thanks to an aunt on one side and a first cousin once removed on the other.  In fact, I think the only person we don't really know that much about is my paternal grandfather.

My grandfather ... doesn't he
look like the sort to have
rich relatives?
My grandfather came from The Ukraine and we haven't got the foggiest idea of what family he might have left behind there, although my father tells me that he was one of twelve children and lived on a farm.  Is it possible one of those twelve kids grew up to be a completely childless millionaire?

One can dream, I suppose.

But I think if I'm waiting for a rich relative to suddenly appear from Eastern Europe I'll be waiting a long time.  Lets be honest here, how many multi-millionaires have you heard of coming from The Ukraine?

Exactly.

But ... just in case ... Aunt Esmerelda, you know I always loved you the most, right?

33 comments:

  1. I'm busy trying to keep all of my relatives alive because if they die and leave me with their estate, I'll be stuck with all their debt. I'd inherit a reverse fortune.
    That (literally) poor bastard.
    You know, you could take matters into your own hands, hang out in yacht clubs and get pregnant by one of the guys there who ties his sweater around his neck. There are some steps in between and 18 years of pain anguish but hey, you'd get that fortune in the form of child support.

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    1. Knowing my luck, that's what would happen to me. Aunt Esmerelda would have a fifty thousand dollar debt and probably some questionable agreement with a gambling bookie named Bubba.

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  2. Sounds like you need a good stiff shot of vodka to console yourself!

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    1. Ah yes, good old vodka. That's my heritage showing through, isn't it.

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  3. if it wasn't for bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all, lol! Poor guy - at least he doesn't know what he missed out on.

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    1. True, but where ever he is right now, I bet he's absolutely fuming.

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  4. Awww, mine are too broke to help. I'd be the rich childless relative at this rate.

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    1. LOL! Oh dear, you know you need to get new relatives when you work out you're the rich one!

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  5. Have to admit, 'millionaire' and 'Ukraine' don't seem to fit in the same sentence, do they? Pity.

    Both OH and I have relatives in our respective trees who might have been supposed to be rich. On my side, through lucky investments, and inherited money, and on OH's through black marketeering and swindling other relatives, but where all this money is these days, who knows. Fact is that nobody (on either side) seems to know anyone who has it. It's gone, if it ever existed.

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    1. Probably all lost in the stock market crash back in the twenties, or perhaps frittered away on bathtub gin. At least, that always seems to be the answer when you hear about families that used to be rich.

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  6. Wow. I mean, I guess at least he shuffled off this mortal coil before he KNEW he was set to inherit all that dough.
    Though I imagine wherever he is in the afterlife he is throwing a proper tantrum like a professional 2 year old. As he should.

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    1. Oh, he's definitely entitled to a good tanty, I know I'd be throwing a whopper if I was him.

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  7. I feel so terrible for that poor bloke. This post actually made me consider contacting my long lost relatives in Ireland. Time to start praying for the luck of the Irish!

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    1. It's never too late to start white anting the rest of the family out of potential inheritances ;D

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  8. Too bad. He could have had the nicest cardboard box on the block.

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    1. One of the ones that the big fridges come in, rather than the crappy washing machine one ;D

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  9. I come from a long line of people who have made some of the worst financial decisions in history. There's probably a horse thief or two hiding in my family tree so I don't shake it very much.

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    1. Probably a wise move. Some family trees are best left unexplored.

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  10. My grandfather died a millionaire. Before I saw a dime of that money, one of his children ran off with the loot. Sad face.

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  11. I keep hoping all the relatives live forever and ever because I am the most responsible of all the family in my age group. And do you know what you get when you are the responsible one? More responsibility.

    So while my cousins are calling me non stop about how they totally want my dead relatives stuff I'll be the one bailing coupons from 1977 into trash bags.

    Not looking forward to that.

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    1. LOL! There's always one in every family. While the rest of us are eating christmas lunch, I bet you're the one scraping plates and soaking pans, right?

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  12. But what if my relative that I don't know about leaves me with a shit ton of debt?!? Is that a valid fear??? Because now I can't not think about it...

    Hugs!

    Valerie

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  13. Hello Dear. It's your Aunt Esmerelda. Or as we spell it here: арфц дшствбннм. I plan to die soon and leave you цдшстм. Or as you call it there: Twelve dollars.

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    1. Auntie! You know you're my favourite, right? If you want to make me your sole heir, I'm completely fine with that!

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  14. This actually did happen to the BF, though it wasn't for a lot of money. He inherited a small piece of a farm somewhere, from a relative he'd never met. Anyways, it was enough to make me insanely jealous!

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  15. Ahhh... That be nice. Unfortunately I had an uncle like that but the Communist Party in China confiscated all his cash.

    One more reason to hate them.

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    1. Well that sucks! You could be nice and rich right now!

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  16. I once inherited all of my late aunt's belongings. I have a garage full of boxes of stuff that I don't know if it is pure crap (some of it surely was - hello half dead preserved bird I found in in) or worth something. What I do know is the rest of the damned family didn't get the memo that I was her heir and when my grandfather died, her bloody estranged son got the $$ that should have gone to me aka her heir.

    So...he got money and I got a dead bird carcass. not fair.

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  17. As soon as I read your title I laughed to myself. I have TOTALLY thought the same thing! Maybe even wrote a joke about it in one of my posts. I was talking about my son not being very responsible and needing to borrow money. I was like "I think he is waiting for a long lost uncle who doesn't even exist, to leave him in his will"

    Well, good luck with Aunt Esmeralda. I am banking on an Uncle Henry to come out of the woodworks. ;)

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    1. Oh, and I just became your 250th follower. Whooppeeee! Seems like a bit of a milestone.

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