Saturday, January 12, 2013

An open letter: kittens are surprisingly uninterested in fashion trends, so you probably shouldn't pierce them...

Dear Pennsylvania animal groomer,

There's a reason that adorable kitten videos are the most watched things on Youtube.  Why?  Because most people out there like kittens.  We think they're cute, especially if they're batting around something shiny or chasing their own tails.  We especially like them if they're lying on their backs and freeze every time someone points at them, it seems.

So surely you must have realised there was going to be quite the uproar when people found out you took a bunch of kittens and pierced their ears, necks and tails with a 14 gauge needle, and then hung heavy barbell jewellery from them.  Did it even occur to you that some of us might find your vision of a "gothic kitten" a bit disgusting?

How the hell were you even able to do it?  I can barely stand to make Gypsy hold still long enough to brush snarls out of her fur because it always seems to hurt her so much!  Usually I just hack them out as best I can with a pair of scissors and get a groomer to do a proper job every few months.  How could you stand to hurt them like that?

Was it because you wanted a pet that reflected your sense of individuality and unique style?  Cause if it is then I've got to say I think you're overestimating just how much of a unique little snowflake you really are.  But if that was your motivation, why couldn't you have just dressed them in weird costumes and posted pictures of them on Instagram like the rest of us?

I don't claim to be a perfect pet owner.  God knows I let Gypsy eat things she shouldn't and I probably should do something about her borderline psychotic obsession with my knitting wool, but I'd never be able to do anything to hurt her.  I just can't understand how you could.

So on behalf of both myself and Gypsy the Feline Dictator, I'd like to wish you a very long, boring and humiliating six months of house arrest.

Yours sincerely,

Kellie & Gypsy

35 comments:

  1. Maybe the person needs some more creative piercings, of the claw variety, in some particularly sensitive areas.

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  2. Seems like a pretty light sentence. Maybe she should have videos of herself all over YouTube getting nipple and vajayjay piercings.

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    Replies
    1. The sad thing is she probably only got that much because she was going to sell them. Whenever you see someone hurting an animal on all those cable shows, they usually get away with a fine and occasionally community service.

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  3. Hello Kellie [and Gypsy]:
    To which we can only add our total, unreserved agreement.

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    Replies
    1. Hey guys!

      It's terrifying, isn't it, what some people consider okay.

      Delete
  4. Totally agree...What the hell is wrong with some people???? And to the people that would buy her poor kitties they should get into trouble too.

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    Replies
    1. Absolutely, although the article didn't mention if she had buyers for them.

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  5. really liked your words..
    http://fashionwithfitness.blogspot.com/

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  6. People need to realize animals are not accessories. Dying, piercing, and all that crap make me want to stab people. The weight of these can't be comfortable.

    I don't even like when people shave their dogs to look like a lion and such. Some people shouldn't be allowed to have pets.

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    Replies
    1. You've hit the nail right on the head! People have to stop thinking of pets as parts of their wardrobe. When you take one on you're agreeing to adopt it, not add it to your list of fashion accessories.

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  7. I'm not a fan of dressing your pet in clothes, never mind piercing them. Some people obviously have brain maggots.

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  8. Excellent advice. Kittens (pets in general) are perfect just the way they are.

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  9. What is wrong with people! I wonder when it went from, "Would it look funny?..." to "Pass me that needle."

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    Replies
    1. I have to assume she was drunk when she came up with it. At least I hope so, no one should think of these things sober.

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    2. Unfortunately it is more likely she was not drunk (then she might be excused) but just plain stupid!

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  10. Her Royal Highness adds her meow to the general condemnation of this idiot.

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    Replies
    1. Thank Her Highness for us, we knew we could count on her support :D

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  11. I had no idea kitten piercing was a thing. Kittens don't need embellishment; that is one of the reasons we love them. They attain the height of physical awesomeness with no effort made. Well said. What a bunch of bastard people.

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    Replies
    1. Exactly! Why on earth would someone want to change a kitten? Kittens are naturally adorable!

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  12. Wow!!! I just can't imagine the individual that would think this would be a good idea on any level. Slu

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  13. House arrest!?! All that jerk got was house arrest? I'm not the biggest fan of cats, except Siamese cats, those are dope, but I wouldn't torture them. Although, yeah, how did she get them to stand still? Especially for the throat piercing. Dress them up in sweaters, fine...No, house arrest for them too!

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    Replies
    1. Well she's unlikely to live this one down any time soon.

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  14. Dang on the cat piercings and to think all this time I thought I was a bad pet owner because I dress my dog up and she really doesn't like that, but I'd never think of getting her body piercings. Now she does have a tat, but it's not of a cat or a bone, it's an ID# for her.

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    Replies
    1. LOL! The only modification I got done to Gypsy was to have her microchipped.

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  15. And she gets to keep her pets????? The hell!

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  16. That's just crazy. And disturbing. Wow. I can't believe she gets to keep her pets either.

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  17. That is awful. I don't get how people can see animals as things to be abused. There are some very cold and cruel people in this world. I am so mad that they let her keep her other pets.

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