Bob: Well, this is the first time I've ever seen THAT happen at a play.
Me: Uh ... is that guy...
Bob: Yeah, I think so.
Me: And he's got a ...
Bob: It certainly looks like it.
*actor turns to the side, presenting a spectacular 'profile'*
Me: (turning head sideways) It's pretty impressive really. You'd think he'd be able to hide it in that paint overall he's wearing, but it just seems to make it bigger.
Bob: But hey, bright side! At least he's not wearing a tights like the rest of them.
*both wince as the actor leaps across the stage*
Me: That can't be comfortable.
Bob: Why is there so much bouncing? Does he really need to be bouncing right now?
*actor sits down in an attempt to hide his dilemma, but just makes it more noticeable*
Me: If I was him I'd probably have run of stage by now.
Bob: (waggles eyebrows) The show must go on, I suppose, no matter how hard things get.
Me: Oh, that's terrible! You're not allowed to make any more puns. Your punning license has been revoked.
*actor finishes his scene and rushes off stage*
Me: Oh, he's gone.
Bob: (mutters) Hopefully to find a cold shower or something.
Me: Either that or a box of tissues.
Bob: Okay, I probably could have done without that visual.
Me: What! He just did a whole Shakespearian scene with the largest boner I've ever seen. If anyone deserves a happy ending, it's that bloke.
And this, my friends, is why I'm glad I'm not a guy.
Poor thing, how unlucky can you get! It's bad enough when something like that happens in public, but to happen on a stage in front of an audience of hundreds of people? Knowing full well that this is an assessment piece for your University acting degree? That's got to suck.
Still, kudos to you Mr Actor for being the consummate professional and ignoring the enormous erection you were sporting for a good five minutes there on the stage. You really rose to the occasion! I know it was hard, but you hung in there.
Sorry, couldn't resist. I'll be good now.