Friday, May 10, 2013

And the winner of the public embarrassment award is...

From the back row of the University Playhouse...

Bob:  Well, this is the first time I've ever seen THAT happen at a play. 
Me:  Uh ... is that guy... 
Bob:  Yeah, I think so. 
Me:  And he's got a ... 
Bob:  It certainly looks like it. 
*actor turns to the side, presenting a spectacular 'profile'* 
Me:  (turning head sideways)  It's pretty impressive really.  You'd think he'd be able to hide it in that paint overall he's wearing, but it just seems to make it bigger.  
Bob:  But hey, bright side!  At least he's not wearing a tights like the rest of them. 
*both wince as the actor leaps across the stage* 
Me:  That can't be comfortable. 
Bob:  Why is there so much bouncing?  Does he really need to be bouncing right now? 
*actor sits down in an attempt to hide his dilemma, but just makes it more noticeable* 
Me:  If I was him I'd probably have run of stage by now. 
Bob:  (waggles eyebrows) The show must go on, I suppose, no matter how hard things get. 
Me:  Oh, that's terrible!  You're not allowed to make any more puns.  Your punning license has been revoked. 
*actor finishes his scene and rushes off stage* 
Me:  Oh, he's gone.   
Bob:  (mutters) Hopefully to find a cold shower or something.   
Me:  Either that or a box of tissues. 
Bob:  Okay, I probably could have done without that visual.   
Me:  What!  He just did a whole Shakespearian scene with the largest boner I've ever seen.  If anyone deserves a happy ending, it's that bloke.

And this, my friends, is why I'm glad I'm not a guy.

Poor thing, how unlucky can you get!  It's bad enough when something like that happens in public, but to happen on a stage in front of an audience of hundreds of people?  Knowing full well that this is an assessment piece for your University acting degree?  That's got to suck.

Still, kudos to you Mr Actor for being the consummate professional and ignoring the enormous erection you were sporting for a good five minutes there on the stage.  You really rose to the occasion!  I know it was hard, but you hung in there.

Sorry, couldn't resist.  I'll be good now.

85 comments:

  1. Perhaps he is going for a different sort of acting career and needed to show off his assets?
    If not, the poor guy will never, ever live that down.

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    Replies
    1. The other actors made fun of him through the rest of the play, so I'm guessing he's not going to be allowed to forget it ;D

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  2. Oh my gosh, for part of his degree requirements!? That poor guy - I wonder what his director's notes were...

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    1. LOL! I'd pay good money to be a fly on the wall for that assessment review.

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  3. Do you suppose someone slipped a Viagra into the water in his dressing room? I would imagine he would be too nervous being on stage and all, but what do I know?
    tm

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    Replies
    1. I wondered too, but then I'm not a guy so for all my intense research I don't actually know how those things work.

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  4. Call me extraordinarily naive, but...does that REALLY happen to guys? Just...*BAM*! erection? Of its own volition?

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    1. I know it happens to teenagers of course, but this guy was a bit beyond teenagerhood. But I guess it must, if his "performance" was anything to go by.

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  5. At my age it is no longer embarrasing!

    "Mrs. C, quick!"

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  6. What happens on stage, stays on stage! And with the audience! And the whole world. Yes the show must go on! Wonder if he got a standing ovation?

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    Replies
    1. Oh yeah, what happens on stage stays on stage ... unless there's a critic in the audience of course.

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  7. Oh my word that must have been terrible. I couldn't stop chuckling, though. :-D

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    1. He looked pretty mortified, but we all thought it was hilarious. We did give him an extra enthusiastic clap at the end though.

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  8. I don't know if I could have stopped myself from giving out a wolf whistle from my seat. Of course, I can't whistle worth a darn. Still. I know I would have enjoyed seeing this! Ha ha! Wonder what set him "off"? Did he spy a bodacious cleavage in the audience? Or a cute guy in the front row? Inquiring minds want to know! :)

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    Replies
    1. Who knows! I like to think it came as a complete surprise to him :D

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  9. Geez- I guess he was taking the "picture the audience in their underwear" thing too far!

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  10. Well, that's one way to line up dates. ;)

    S

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  11. Lol! Break a leg. Or something. :D

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    Replies
    1. I expect he'd be a bit uncomfortable with the talking about breaking things ;D

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  12. Thanks. After slaving in the hot sun spreading mulch, I needed a good laugh.

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  13. OMG--I'm at a loss for words!!

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    Replies
    1. I imagine he wishes the rest of us were lost for words ;P

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  14. Gee, and to think that in Shakespeare's day men were paying small fortunes for codpieces to emulate this actor's, erm, 'outstanding' feature.

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    Replies
    1. Good point. Perhaps he should have just run with it :D

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  15. well shakespear is a turn on for some people...

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  16. Someone must have told him to bone up on Shakespeare and he took it too literally!

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  17. Wow. Also I can think a few plays that would make that even more super awkward. Please tell me that was not Hamlet.

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    Replies
    1. LOL! No, not Hamlet. It was a comedy so at least he wasn't sporting an erection during a death scene.

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  18. I really need to get to the theatre more often!

    Pearl

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    Replies
    1. It's definitely an underrated form of entertainment ;P

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  19. Replies
    1. It was an interesting twist on the story, that's for sure.

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  20. He should have worn a codpiece and no one would have been the wiser.

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  21. Between you and Deb at JKIRF, I have had a great many moments of hidden pleasures blogging this week. I must admit your write-up was done very well.
    and
    thanks for the compliment on the polka dot skirt! :D

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  22. Thanks a LOT! I was eating my snack chips and just about choked on them. I knw, I know- I really should KNOW BETTER by now.

    Wonder who or what he was thinking about to have that happen? That would be the embarassing part I would think.

    Lucky for us girls, we can easily hide such things. A nipple is minor in comparison

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    Replies
    1. I've never been gladder to be a girl, I can assure you.

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  23. Jesus Christ!!!!

    Unfortunately a penis gets excited by just about anything. Not easy to control, not easy to manage, especially in front of a crowd.

    At least he was well endowed.

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    Replies
    1. He was, surprisingly so. He definitely didn't have anything to be ashamed of.

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  24. how embarrassing for everyone.
    funny though
    lol

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    1. I think his cast mates were delighted. They made fun of him with hand gestures through the rest of the play.

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  25. This made me giggle like no other. My favorite line: "If anyone deserves a happy ending, it's that bloke."

    Thanks for sharing :) God, I love the theatre.

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    1. I love going to the theatre too ... but I'll admit there are some plays that would definitely be improved by a random boner here and there.

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  26. If I were a guy, that would be a constant problem for me. I'd probably just run around poking people with it... Til I was arrested, of course.

    Hugs!

    Valerie

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    Replies
    1. And that's why we're all glad you're a girl, sweetie ;P

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  27. This line of comments is cracking me up. You have some very funny/punny readers!

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    Replies
    1. They're a clever bunch of chickadees, aren't they :D

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  28. It is such a fascinating thing to me, really. I mean, how could you even get and maintain a boner in that situation? What provoked it, I wonder? And why didn't it just go away? It's not like anything was happening for him down there. Even after all these years, there are still some things I don't understand about male physiology!

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    1. Maybe he was just really turned on by wearing a paint overall? Maybe his favourite fantasy is that he's the house painter that seduces the lonely housewife?

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  29. I'm definitely glad I'm a girl and don't have to worry about those things. What an inopportune time for that to come up.

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    1. I really did feel bad for the poor bugger. Worst timing ever.

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  30. He should have excused himself and told the audience he couldn't go on as....something had come up.

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  31. To funny! I'm a new follower:)
    http://crazylifewithmy3boys.blogspot.com

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  32. Thank you very much Kellie, for the visual image that is now revolving around in my head...no, I really mean it, Thank you! :)

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  33. I don't understand how that is physically possible. Are there such a thing as stress-erections? Nervous wood? There is so much more about penises I have to learn!

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    1. I'm not entirely sure, but I've always imagined that it was a bit like owning a cat. Sometimes they'll do what you tell them to, but most of the time it's a bit of a crap shoot.

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  34. OMG. Can you imagine the conversation when he got home and his wife asked, "How'd everything go tonight, Dear?"

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    1. If he was smart he would have said "Honey, I thought of you all the way through it" and waited for her to hear about what happened from someone else.

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  35. I've seen the pain and hormones that comes with periods. I'll take no reason boners over those anytime.

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    1. It's not so bad. It's just once a month where you feel like shit, cramps, water retention, upset stomach, aching back, sore breasts, and for some strange reason the rest of the world goes freaking insane and is just begging you to kill them with a rusty butter knife.

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  36. Thanks for the laugh. This is hilarious, albeit incredibly humiliating for the actor. It's one he will never live down.

    Rhonda @Laugh-Quotes.com

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    1. I'm sure he won't. His fellow students are going to keep reminding him of it I'm sure.

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  37. Now there is something new to worry about for my practical assessments:S.

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  38. LOL Boy, that really does make me thankful I'm of the female persuasion! :) Great post. Thank you so much for linking up with the Humor Me! Blog Hop!!!

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  39. Hee hee! Visiting from the humor blog hop.

    Glad I wasn't there. I would have ruined the scene with my giggling.

    My humor blog hop entry is "Those End of School Year Papers". <--shameless plug

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  40. Oh man, that is the #1 reason I have always been thankful to be a girl. My BFF in HS told me about how her boyfriend couldn't go up to the chalkboard one day bc of this issue. He was a huge class-participator, so it was way odd that he wouldn't go. No thanks!

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  41. LOL poor guy. Coming from the woman who wore clothes so her pregnant belly button wasn't noticeable - totally unrelated - but I so feel for him!

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  42. As for the "can this really happen?" and "why?" questions...

    You know how, sometimes, when you're in a really stressful situation where you have to act in a certain way? Like, say, during a funeral or while the preacher/priest is ending the sermon with a prayer, and you just can't help but get the giggles? And then you think, "OMG, I have to stop laughing! It's so wrong!" But the more you try to suppress it, the worse it gets, until soon, you're giggling uncontrollably while Aunt Martha is lowered into the ground or while the preacher is solemnly praying in a silent church?

    Well, it's like that.

    Hey, at least it wasn't a production of Hair or Equus. :)

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  43. Maybe he saw Yvonne Craig in her Batgirl costume.

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