Of course we've all come across the usual personality types when we're dating. The types that we've been familiar with ever since we were in school and pigtail pulling was the epitome of flirtatious behavior. We've all gone out with The Bad Boy, The Narscissist, The Clinger, but as I've gotten older and the men I've dated have too, I've discovered that there's a whole host of personality types I've never seen before ... and some of them aren't very attractive.
Take the last few dates I've gone on for example. Each of the Mr Paramour's listed below are people I've actually gone out with sometime in the last few months.
I'm hardly a saint. I lie about plenty of things, both big and small. But why, Mr Paramour, would you choose to lie about something as obvious as your age? Why tell me you are in your early 40's when you're obviously in your mid to late 50's? And worse, why back that up by sending me a photo of yourself that's got to be at least ten years old?
Surely you must have realised that I'd notice the difference when we met up for coffee. Hell, your hair is freaking white! In the photo it was brown! Tell the lies you can get away with, not the ones that you'll get caught out on in the first thirty seconds of a first date.
The Security Blanket Seeker
So you sit down for your first date with this Mr Paramour, and he lets it slip that he has kids. No problem, you like kids and there are plenty of divorced or separated guys out there on the dating market. Then he lets it slip he still lives with his ex-partner. Huh ... well sometime people have to do that, you rationalise. For financial reasons. You're sure it's just that. Then he intimates that the ex-partner may not be currently clued in on the fact that she is, in fact, an ex.
You have an unhappy marriage? I'm sorry to hear that. You want to use me as a security blanket to work up to leaving your wife because you're terrified of doing it without having a back up? Well fuck you very much.
The Oedipus Complex
I kid you not, this has actually happened to me. I went out with a Mr Paramour once who, during the initial "getting to know you" talk, kept bringing up his mother. How important she was to him, how influential she was in his life, what a wonderful woman she was. At first it was sweet ... for about a minute. Then it started to get creepy.
But he really outdid himself when, about fifteen minutes in, he asked me if I'd like to see a picture of his darling Mummy.
Needless to say, the date ended there. There wasn't a second one.
And people wonder why I'm still single.
By the way, don't forget to go enter my Geeky Competition. Unless you're not a geek ... in which case, no judgement here. It takes all kinds, after all.