Wednesday, February 13, 2013

The Dating Market: It's a bloody minefield out there...

I quite like being single.  I enjoy the freedom to do what I want, the whole "lone wolf" lifestyle.  But like most of us, I do enjoy taking a dip in the dating market, testing the waters, so to speak, and looking for the person who might change my mind.  But since I hit my thirties I've noticed that the types of guys out there have changed.  Or maybe they're the same guys, it's just their behavior that's so different.

Of course we've all come across the usual personality types when we're dating.  The types that we've been familiar with ever since we were in school and pigtail pulling was the epitome of flirtatious behavior.  We've all gone out with The Bad Boy, The Narscissist, The Clinger, but as I've gotten older and the men I've dated have too, I've discovered that there's a whole host of personality types I've never seen before ... and some of them aren't very attractive.

Take the last few dates I've gone on for example.  Each of the Mr Paramour's listed below are people I've actually gone out with sometime in the last few months.

The Liar

I'm hardly a saint.  I lie about plenty of things, both big and small.  But why, Mr Paramour, would you choose to lie about something as obvious as your age?  Why tell me you are in your early 40's when you're obviously in your mid to late 50's?  And worse, why back that up by sending me a photo of yourself that's got to be at least ten years old?

Surely you must have realised that I'd notice the difference when we met up for coffee.  Hell, your hair is freaking white!  In the photo it was brown!  Tell the lies you can get away with, not the ones that you'll get caught out on in the first thirty seconds of a first date.

The Security Blanket Seeker

So you sit down for your first date with this Mr Paramour, and he lets it slip that he has kids.  No problem, you like kids and there are plenty of divorced or separated guys out there on the dating market.  Then he lets it slip he still lives with his ex-partner.  Huh ... well sometime people have to do that, you rationalise.  For financial reasons.  You're sure it's just that.  Then he intimates that the ex-partner may not be currently clued in on the fact that she is, in fact, an ex.

Douche.

You have an unhappy marriage?  I'm sorry to hear that.  You want to use me as a security blanket to work up to leaving your wife because you're terrified of doing it without having a back up?  Well fuck you very much.

The Oedipus Complex

I kid you not, this has actually happened to me.  I went out with a Mr Paramour once who, during the initial "getting to know you" talk, kept bringing up his mother.  How important she was to him, how influential she was in his life, what a wonderful woman she was.  At first it was sweet ... for about a minute.  Then it started to get creepy.

But he really outdid himself when, about fifteen minutes in, he asked me if I'd like to see a picture of his darling Mummy.

Needless to say, the date ended there.  There wasn't a second one.

And people wonder why I'm still single.

By the way, don't forget to go enter my Geeky Competition.  Unless you're not a geek ... in which case, no judgement here.  It takes all kinds, after all.

66 comments:

  1. LOL. As much as I envy single people their freedom, I wouldn't want to go back to the dating trenches. Yikes. Hilarious, but sad. My cousin is 34 and still lives with his parents. I bet he dates (yep, still single, surprise surprise).

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    1. It's definitely a frustrating experience. But you just keep plugging away, hoping to find that diamond among the lumps of dog crap.

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    2. There must be a book in this. Been there, done that, for me it was the comment that my instep was sexy that had me running. As for the living with the not so ex, ex, yes, done that too. Rest assured there is the occasional diamond. I know, because I finally found one and he is a keeper.

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  2. Took me 19 years between marriages to find a man I could trust and didn't talk about himself and his rich family or his successfulness in life or his ex or his mother or who was not an alcoholic or liar or simply a total douche bag. Beings single was easy... dating was hard work.

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    1. I totally agree. Being single is really easy. But there aren't as many funny stories to tell your friends over brunch later on ;D

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  3. Wow Kellie, I didn't realize you're single. I've never 'dated,' and sure aren't gonna start now! But you're right on with these 'types.'

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    1. Yep, I'm foot loose and fancy free ... and I get to meet jems like this as a result of it.

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  4. You always crack me up! I think you should write a book about your dating experiences. :) I thought about it. I met my hubby and a 7-11 convenient store...very unexpected. Happy days to you!

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    1. A book about my dating experiences ... hmm that would be fun, but a bit scandalous. I can be a kinky little so and so ;D

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  5. good lord. the middle one makes my teeth itch. I haven't been on a first date in a while now, but I did have a doosy back in the day (http://kpquepasa.blogspot.com/2012/02/first-is-worst-and-last_15.html) and it was pretty amazingly bad.

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    1. The really annoying thing about him was that he was genuinely a nice guy, we got along great, and if he hadn't been MARRIED he would have been perfect.

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  6. WHOA, didn't Hitchcock make a famous movie about the last dude called Psycho??????

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    1. LOL! I think Mr Paramour number three was less Norman Bates and more Adult Baby. Hell, I'll try most things once, but he was coming on way too strong.

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  7. I've dated every single one of these. Blech.

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    1. It is terrifying, isn't it. How do they think they'll get away with it?

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  8. There's hope on the dating horizon tho! Cuz your 30's is when your starter marriage with the girl you married when you were both too young to know who you really were amicably desolve! So, perfectly good guys who are established and know themselves begin to re-appear! Both my best friends married those guys, they're incredibly happy.

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    1. That's true. Maybe one day I'll find that rare creature, a good guy.

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  9. Kelly,
    My sainted mother is no longer with us, and Mrs. C and I had a fight the other night so if your interested would you like to meet for coffee. I am 6'2" 180 lbs with a full head of curly brown hair and I am 39 years old. I would send a picture, but my Polaroid is at the shop. Let me know,

    Cranky

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    1. Seems legit. You're on, assuming you can come to Australia for that coffee.

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  10. I can't imagine someone showing a date a picture of his mother. You were right to not ever date him again.

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    1. It was definitely a unique experience. I've gone out with guys who were overly attached to their mothers before, but that was definitely a first.

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  11. It could be fun to out-ridiculous them for the length of the one and only date they get. He says he's 40 with white hair? Say you're 16 and sneaking out of the house. He wants encouragement to end his unhappy marriage? Tell him you're currently secretly a bigamist because the first one lost his charm. He's got a Mommy complex? Well, Daddy is the biggest strongest man in the world, and any man that is not exactly like him will never do...anyone not 6'5" with platinum blond hair, rippling biceps and a Nobel Prize need not apply.

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    1. I hadn't thought of that, but it could be fun! I'll have to go prepared next time.

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  12. A picture of his mother??? Ugh.
    I'm with Ninja. Call those men out in a most ridiculous fashion.

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    1. I definitely wasn't expecting it, but it made for a great story at brunch the next day.

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  13. I'm so glad I'm still married--dating today scares the crap out of me!!

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    1. It certainly seems harder than it used to be. My parents are always telling stories about how easy it was to date back when they were young, but it's definitely not like that now.

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  14. Oh dear! I can relate and although I am currently married, if that were to ever end, dating wouldn't be a problem for me at all. I am outgoing and do as I please. Any man who knows me, knows he had better be able to keep up, what I will and will not tolerate and should have a good idea what he is getting into before asking me out. Because hopefully by then we will have spent a fair amount of time doing things together, likely with a group of friends. At least I hope that is how it would go. I don't envy you having to wade and sort through such disappointments in life, trying to find a proper mate.

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    1. It's hard, but at least I'm not one of those people who HAVE to be with someone. It means I have no problem walking away if they're freaky.

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  15. Am I wrong in thinking you aren't really on the marriage market but, rather, the adult of the opposite gender to have fun with market? Yeah, those three were definitely 'urk' how can you walk and breathe at the same time? material!

    The absolute worst though, at least in my opinion, is the 'nice guy'. You know the one; he tells you how much he respects and cares about women and how 'they' don't really want a nice guy...how dare those ho's not see how nice he is and throw themselves at his feet! Once they start on how nice they are and how badly women treat nice guys run, don't walk, to the nearest adult novelty store...you're more likely to find suitable companionship and without having to listen to their manipulative self-pity. ;)

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    1. Oh yeah, I've been out with a few of those. I'm not sure why they think whining is going to make me overcome with desire.

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  16. During a sting in the dating market I had such a bad run it became hilarious. My best friend and I would head out on our dates actually hoping they'd be awful, not ordinary awful, but interestingly, laugh till our belly's ache the next day over wine awful. I was most fortunate... usually they were. Good time, good times.

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    1. Oh, I'm always a bit happy to have a bad date, it makes for such a great story when I go out to brunch!

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  17. Dating, for me, is kinda like high school. You couldn't pay me enough to go through either scenario EVER AGAIN. That being said, I sure do sometimes miss the lack of real responsibility of my high school years, and the freedom of being single.

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    1. I enjoy being single, probably too much if I'm honest. That's why I make sure to keep trying with the dating scene.

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  18. WOW...there really are guys that act like that?? I am so naive. I have been married for 42 years and I think things were different back then. Or maybe I was clueless and just got lucky or that because we were teenagers we were so immature we didn't know enough to lie about things to each other.

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    1. LOL! My parents are always saying how easy dating was back when they were young. It's definitely a whole other kettle of fish now.

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  19. The worst is the guy that lies about not being married to his mom anymore.

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  20. Please please please blog about your dates more often. You're the attractive, intelligent girl the movies are always made about who has to date these douche-canoes before finding the decent guy. But it makes for some highly entertaining blog posts in the meantime.

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    1. LOL! I wonder who could play me in the movie ... I vote for Amy Adams!

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  21. I agree with VV. I LOVE date experience blogs of yours. But also, I think you sell yourself short, these aren't just male archetypes, you have come across the archetypes of all potential datees.

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    1. True. I'm probably being a bit harsh. I'm sure we ladies are just as terrifying.

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  22. I agree!! More dating blogs! And, if at all possible, please catch video footage with super secret hidden cameras.

    Hugs!

    Valerie

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    1. Ooh, I could do a documentary! It might be hard to get permission to show these weirdos on tv though.

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    2. Their egos would see them signing the consent and release form in a nano second!

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    3. True. Perhaps if I spin it the right way? I'm sure that's how those other reality tv shows do it, cause there's no way in hell some of those people would have agreed if they'd known how bad they were going to look!

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  23. I've informed my current partner numerous times that should we not work out, I'm just going to start hoarding cats.

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    1. That's probably a good plan. Perhaps I should start looking into finding contacts at the RSPCA.

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  24. After many years of being a great source of amusement for my friends with my dating antics I have settled down with a lovely partner. Luckily one of our friends has stepped up to the plant and now is providing us with endless amusement and herself with potential humiliation over internet dating. We are enjoying giving the guys nicknames before we have met them - although it may become uncomfortable if we do meet them an still refer to them as something like "stalker Kevin".

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    1. I live to serve as a source of amusement to my friends :D

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  25. I keep meeting Mr. You're Interesting LOVE ME RIGHT FREAKING NOW please and thank you. Yes it's a long title but that's pretty much what happens and it's disturbing. They tend to be in their early 40s and are reeking of desperation, a tiny bit of self-pity and way too much intensity about getting to know me. I keep deflecting. One invited me on a couples only trip to a foreign country with his friends. Seriously we just met last month so I don't think I'll be planning international travel with you just yet.

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    1. Oh I hate those guys! That sort of intensity is only attractive in movies.

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    2. One Mr Potential asked if I had a tinnie. (For those non Australians this is a small metal fishing boat). He had a caravan and wanted to travel Australia. Yikes.

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  26. oh Kellie! among the three, the third one creeps me out the most. you wouldn't want a case of 'sons and lovers'. i've experienced a stalker and the first on your list as well. the stalker creeped me out but the older person ended up a friend.

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    1. Creepiness seems to come with the territory, unfortunately.

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  27. Oh good Lord, if I ever even slightly entertained the thought of (-cough- try the dating scene) it's bloody gone now. I don't think, from what I've heard they are much different in their late 50's. -sigh-

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    1. It's definitely a scary thing, but kind of worth it for the stories you get out of it ;D

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  28. Fantastic read, you always make me smile. 'twas in the dating game a couple of years back and you are so right. However, I was lucky enough to meet Mrs M when I was least expecting it so remember, you never really know who's around the corner! (That sounded a bit creepy but I'm sure you know what I mean Lol )

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    1. You're right, that is a bit creepy! Just around the corner? Skulking in the dark? Waiting for me?

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  29. And then there are the "Less" brothers. Job-less, Home-less and Tooth-less! Lol.. Happy Valentine's Day! :D

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    1. Ah yes, such good catches. Makes you wonder why no one else has snatched them up, doesn't it.

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  30. I can never understand why people lie about their age, or put up an old or even fake picture. It makes no sense, when you intend to meet the person. Even if I would still have liked the guy older, or looking differently, I've already written him off because he lied. It's just dumb.

    And the mommy thing! Ugh. I never even went out with this guy, but he wrote of his mom to me in his emails leading up to us going out. I mean, I want a guy that loves his mom, for sure, but not one who's IN LOVE with his mom. Ick. So I didn't end up going out with that guy, shockingly ;)

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  31. Better be single than be with someone for the sake of it. I see this happen a lot around me, and I think you are rightfully being critical because certain behaviour is unacceptable and in no way a base for a relationship. So go you and keep your standard high! :)

    x

    Marielle

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