The Dating Market: It's a bloody minefield out there...

I quite like being single.  I enjoy the freedom to do what I want, the whole "lone wolf" lifestyle.  But like most of us, I do enjoy taking a dip in the dating market, testing the waters, so to speak, and looking for the person who might change my mind.  But since I hit my thirties I've noticed that the types of guys out there have changed.  Or maybe they're the same guys, it's just their behavior that's so different.

Of course we've all come across the usual personality types when we're dating.  The types that we've been familiar with ever since we were in school and pigtail pulling was the epitome of flirtatious behavior.  We've all gone out with The Bad Boy, The Narscissist, The Clinger, but as I've gotten older and the men I've dated have too, I've discovered that there's a whole host of personality types I've never seen before ... and some of them aren't very attractive.

Take the last few dates I've gone on for example.  Each of the Mr Paramour's listed below are people I've actually gone out with sometime in the last few months.

The Liar

I'm hardly a saint.  I lie about plenty of things, both big and small.  But why, Mr Paramour, would you choose to lie about something as obvious as your age?  Why tell me you are in your early 40's when you're obviously in your mid to late 50's?  And worse, why back that up by sending me a photo of yourself that's got to be at least ten years old?

Surely you must have realised that I'd notice the difference when we met up for coffee.  Hell, your hair is freaking white!  In the photo it was brown!  Tell the lies you can get away with, not the ones that you'll get caught out on in the first thirty seconds of a first date.

The Security Blanket Seeker

So you sit down for your first date with this Mr Paramour, and he lets it slip that he has kids.  No problem, you like kids and there are plenty of divorced or separated guys out there on the dating market.  Then he lets it slip he still lives with his ex-partner.  Huh ... well sometime people have to do that, you rationalise.  For financial reasons.  You're sure it's just that.  Then he intimates that the ex-partner may not be currently clued in on the fact that she is, in fact, an ex.

Douche.

You have an unhappy marriage?  I'm sorry to hear that.  You want to use me as a security blanket to work up to leaving your wife because you're terrified of doing it without having a back up?  Well fuck you very much.

The Oedipus Complex

I kid you not, this has actually happened to me.  I went out with a Mr Paramour once who, during the initial "getting to know you" talk, kept bringing up his mother.  How important she was to him, how influential she was in his life, what a wonderful woman she was.  At first it was sweet ... for about a minute.  Then it started to get creepy.

But he really outdid himself when, about fifteen minutes in, he asked me if I'd like to see a picture of his darling Mummy.

Needless to say, the date ended there.  There wasn't a second one.

And people wonder why I'm still single.

By the way, don't forget to go enter my Geeky Competition.  Unless you're not a geek ... in which case, no judgement here.  It takes all kinds, after all.

The Rules V's Pandora's Box: the grudge match...

Oh George, I couldn't possibly
before the third date.

Pretty much every woman out there knows of The Rules, the book that purports to tell you exactly how to get the man of your dreams ... in pretty much the most emotionally manipulative way possible.  I hate systems like that, guides that tell you if you do this, and say that, and ignore this then you'll fool the guy you like into continuing to go out with you.  Sounds oh so romantic, doesn't it.

But did you know that there's a male equivalent?  I didn't, until my brother told me about it.

It was when I was visiting Sydney a couple of months ago. I went to see the Harry Potter Exhibit ... yeah, I know, huge geek here ... and Adam flew up to meet me for the day and accompany me.  He's such a good brother.  After wandering around the Exhibit, where he'd maintained a manly expression of disdain for the benefit of everyone around us, we went back to the hotel I was staying at and set up camp in the bar for the afternoon.  That was where I first heard of the Pandora's Box System.

But Muriel, you'd do it
if you loved me!

Apparently a friend had given it to him as he was single at the time, and he was quite taken by the idea.  It listed different types of women and what they look for in a partner.  Apparently to be successful with the ladies all you had to do was work out which category your paramour fit into and then follow the suggestions given.

And I have to say, after having a read of it ... it's scarily accurate.

The Rules has always been about the woman appealing to some generalised male personality.  Men are hunters, so don't try to pursue them but let them chase you.  End conversations first.  End dates first.  Be a mystery.  Make them work for it.

Is it any wonder women are sometimes seen as manipulative, heartless shrews?

The Pandora's Box System, though, seems to be based on personality types, kind of like Myers-Briggs.  It just takes those personality types and then applies it to what someone in each category might want in a romantic partner.  It's kind of genius, actually.

I'm sorry, George, The Rules say
to hold out.  And I always follow
The Rules!

It's funny though, when he explained the system to me, my first reaction was to be outraged.  How dare men have a secret system in place to fool poor unsuspecting women into loving them!  I know, it's completely hypocritical of me.  How can I judge them when women buy a ridiculous number of copies of The Rules every year.  Given how The Pandora's Box System at least seems to be focused on giving women what they want rather than withholding things from them, I'd say that men are coming out ahead in this moral battle. 

Oh, don't get me wrong, it's still completely manipulative and kind of sketchy, I'm just saying if a guy did the things that were listed against my personality type on the guide ... I'd probably fall harder than Wile E Coyote over a cliff.