And I thought Cabbage Patch Dolls were expensive...

I do love a good fad, but occasionally even I'm weirded out by the things people find themselves liking.  Take, for example, the trend of women buying lifelike dolls and then treating them like real babies?  Seriously, this is a real thing.  They're called Reborn Dolls and the artists that make them try to get them as lifelike as possible.  I have to admit, some of them are pretty spooky.  If you didn't  know, you'd think you were looking at a photo of a real baby.

Women buy these dolls, dress them up, and then whack them in a pram and take them with them wherever they go.  They give them names, build nurseries for them, and pretty much treat them like they're real kids.

Can anyone else say textbook attention seeking behaviour?

I remember watching a documentary about it once where one of the women admitted that she got her doll because she missed the attention she used to get when her kids were babies.  But by getting herself one of these Reborn Dolls she got all sorts of people coming up to ooh and aah over her little plastic bundle of joy.

Huh, well that sounds ... disturbing.

I'm all for doing whatever makes you happy (provided you're not hurting anyone), but there's just something about this that screams psychologically unhealthy.  I know that people anthropomorphize things all the time (hell, I have a cactus named Pedro, I can't talk), but this just seems a bit extreme.

But this woman has taken it a step further and decided that if people can have lifelike dolls that they treat like real babies, she can have zombie or vampire babies.  She gives them wee little fangs and dripping blood, or clouded eyes and pallid skin.  And I have to admit (under protest), they're cute in a weird way.

Is it wrong that I kind of want a vampire one?  Not to treat like a child or anything ... but there's a small but insistent part of me that thinks it would be hilarious to wander around with one in a stroller and then secretly record people's reactions when they lean over to coo at the little darling and clap eyes on the fangs and the red eyes.

But at around a thousand dollars each, I don't think I'd buy one just for the sake of a practical joke.

Shame though, I could have called him Vladimir and told everyone I met his father while I was travelling in Eastern Europe.  Oh Nosferatu, we'll always have Transylvania.

It's not like they were carrying tommy guns, how about a little perspective here...

So back in 2011, a very dangerous pair of criminals were arrested in the New York subway.  What were they doing, you ask?  Mugging people?  Threatening to hurt them?  Oh no, they were doing something much, much worse.

They were doing The Charleston.

Oh yeah, you heard right.  A couple were actually arrested for doing a 1920's era dance in public.  The cops forced the guy to the ground and everything!  Apparently when they were told that dancing in the subway is illegal and they'd have to go to the police station, the dapper gentleman dancer started recording what was happening.

That was when he took an involuntary face plant in the cement.

Oh Mr Policeman, surely you realise by now that it's never a good idea to up the violence when the video recording equipment comes out!  Don't you remember  Rodney King?

And sure, doing The Charleston in public might be a bit dorky, but it's hardly the stuff of hardened criminals.  Hell, if I got arrested for every silly thing I did in public, I'd have a rap sheet as long as my arm!  In fact, I'm pretty sure I've done The Charleston myself in a public place or two.  Should I expect the SWAT team to come crashing through my windows any minute now?

It's a travesty of course.  You can't arrest people for dancing!  What is this, Footloose?  Come on people, Kevin Bacon died for our sins so we could dance in whatever way we wanted ... at least I think that's how it went.  I saw that film at a sleepover and I was painting my nails while it was on so I didn't really pay it as much attention as I probably should have.

The court seems to agree with me though, considering the dancing duo were awarded seventy five thousand in compensation ... but is it wrong that I kind of wish I'd been there in that subway to see it?  I mean, how many times in your life will you get the chance to see a couple dancing like Bonnie and Clyde, only to be tackled to the ground by the police?

I'm never around for the good stuff.

If you can't drive yet, you shouldn't need plastic surgery...

Breast reduction surgery for thirteen year olds?  What next, butt lifts for pre-schoolers?

Can you believe that when a Montana mother complained to her daughter's school that she was being bullied because of her early development in the mammary department, the school recommended a breast reduction?

Seriously, a boob job for a thirteen year old!  What the hell were they thinking?

Probably that it was easier to get rid of the problem than to deal with educating the kids about things like this.  No wonder the mother was horrified.

I remember when I was about fourteen or fifteen, I bought myself a bottle of some sort of potion that promised to get rid of my acne, leaving smooth, silky skin behind.  But I found myself suffering from buyer's remorse about half an hour later.

Rather than getting rid of my spots and giving me the peaches and cream complexion I wanted, I ended up with a face that was red raw, the skin cracked and peeling away.  Turns out there was a small (teeny tiny) disclaimer on the side of the bottle that warned it "may cause temporary irritation".

Oh yeah, my skin was irritated, and so was I.

I had school the next day, how could I go looking like that?  I remember telling my my mother that I refused, absolutely refused, to go if I still looked like a beetroot.  And I remember her answer was "You're not staying home from school just because your face is red".

At the time I was horrified, and so angry.  How could she make me go to school looking like Quasimodo's less attractive sister?  I'd be laughed right out of the 9th grade!

But in hindsight I have to admit, she was right.  I don't remember if there was any reaction to my red face from my classmates, although if I don't recall it I'm guessing not.  But one thing I do know is if I had been allowed to stay home the thing I would have learned from it was that it's okay to hide if you don't look perfect.  That my looks were more important than my character.

So thanks Mum for doing the right thing even when I got stroppy and teen-angsty.

Of course my situation was completely different to this girl's.  My skin only stayed red for a few days, her chest isn't going to get any smaller on it's own.  But I can't help thinking the principle's the same.  If you tell a kid that their physical appearance is so important that it requires surgery for them to be "normal", then you can damned well expect them to glean from it that their looks are the most valuable thing they have.

Are we sure that's what we want to be teaching kids?

Harry Potter and the Fair Trade Controversy...

I think most of you already know my opinion on human slavery.  In fact, some of you may remember back a few months ago when I made us all feel like awful human beings by showing us what our slavery footprint was.

Yeah, sorry about that.

But the reason I'm bringing it up again isn't to make you all feel horrendously guilty, it's to tell you all about something that the Harry Potter Alliance are currently trying to do.

Okay, I can hear you all saying "Wait up, the Harry Potter Alliance?  What is that, some sort of role playing game?"

Well possibly, I don't know what they do in their spare time, but the HPA is a charitable group of Harry Potter fans who work together to raise money for different causes.  Just to give you an idea of the scope of what they've managed to accomplish, they raised enough money to charter and fill five planes with things to send over to Haiti back when all the trouble was happening.  Seriously, FIVE WHOLE CARGO PLANES!

Consider it a lesson in never underestimating a bunch of nerds when it comes to getting shit done.

But recently the HPA has turned it's attention to child slavery, specifically in the manufacturing of chocolate.  They wanted to find out if Warner Brothers was using Fair Trade chocolate in its Harry Potter merchandise, so they sent them a letter to ask.

The reply they got was that, yes, Warner Brother did use non-slavery chocolate in their goods as per their ethical sourcing guidelines.  However, when the HPA checked with an external organisation that specialises in assessing organisations for things like this, they were told that WB actually received a failing grade when it came to using Fair Trade chocolate.

Hmm, sounds a bit suspicious, doesn't it.

When the HPA took this news back to Warner Brothers, they were told that WB had done their own report and that they were satisfied with the results of it, but when the HPA asked to see a copy of it, they refused.

Even more suspicious.

So now HPA has started a petition to try and get Warner Brothers to show a copy of this report that they claim to have.  Go have a read and if you agree that it all seems a bit fishy, feel free to sign it.

Personally, I think things like this are incredibly important.  It's one thing if a company chooses to use chocolate that isn't Fair Trade, but to say yours is when external groups are saying it isn't, and then to refuse to show the evidence you supposedly have, well that's quite frankly reprehensible.

I have enough human slavery bad karma all of my own, Warner Brothers, I don't need to be drawn in as an unwitting participant in yours too.

Erotica and the art of grocery shopping...

Like most people with a modicum of sense, I'm not overly fond of grocery shopping.  It's got to be one of the most boring chores out there, not even excluding folding laundry.

The supermarket is always crowded with people who don't seem to understand the concept of keep to the left, trolley's that are apparently possessed by some sort of directionally challenged demon, and sixteen year olds who really couldn't care less if the bottle of bleach spills all over the loaf of bread they just put into the same bag.  All in all, it takes up far too much time that I could otherwise use looking at cat videos on Youtube.

But I think I've finally found a way to make it a little more bearable.

It all started a little while back when I discovered you could put audio books on your iPhone.  I know, seems obvious now, but back then I was still a complete novice to the whole Apple Revolution.  Once I worked out how to do it however ... let's just say grocery shopping was never quite the same again.

Deli Guy:  So what can I get for you? 

... she gently took it in her hand, eyes widening at the unexpected weight... 

Me:  ... Um ... I need ... sausages? 

... looked up at him, pupils blown, gasping as she adjusted to the fulln... 

Deli Guy:  (waiting) And how many? 

... "So big!" she cried, writhing in ecstasy... 

Me:  ... uh ... twelve inches? 

... gasped as her nails bit into his flesh, leaving red trails... 

Deli Guy:  Excuse me? 

... "Please," she begged, "More... 

Me:  (blushing) Oh, sorry ... I meant twelve. 

... sunk his teeth into a white shoulder, thrilling to the whimper... 

Deli Guy:  (looking strangely)  Okay, here you go ma'am. 

... cried out as stars burst in front of her eyes, "Yes, oh God yes... 

Me:  (taking sausages and walking away, muttering)  Damn, when did Mills and Boon become so filthy ...

So, the next time you see some woman wandering around the supermarket with a pair of earphones firmly inserted and an enigmatic smirk on her face, you'll know what's really going on.

Yeah, I think I'll stick to the merry go round ...

I know some of my posts in the past have leaned a little towards the macabre ... and continuing in that vein I've chosen a topic that I'm sure you'll all find appropriately appalling.  So lets all pull up a seat, grab a cup of coffee, and discuss the pros and cons of euthanasia.

Hey, I did warn you.

Euthanasia's been a hot topic in the media this week, what with the Belgian twins who were euthanized about a month ago.  The twins, who were deaf, requested permission when they found out that they were going to go blind.  Apparently they couldn't handle the idea of never seeing each other again and a court agreed that they fulfilled the requirements of unreasonable suffering.

I'm very much a "make your own decisions" kind of person, but I'm not sure if I agree that they truly fit that category.  Like most people, I find it hard to wrap my head around the idea of assisted suicide.  It's such a grey area with so many chances for mistakes and abuses.

Were they going to suffer unmentionable physical pain that they'd never find relief from?  No.  Would they still be able to live productive and fulfilling lives if they so chose?  Probably.  But then again, am I really qualified to speak to the level of emotional pain and suffering they'd go through?  Absolutely not.

I do feel sorry for their family though.  It must have been awful, knowing what they were trying to do, then watching as they were granted permission.  I'm not sure how I'd deal in a situation like that ... but I'd guess with a lot of yelling, arguing, crying, and emotional blackmail.

Regardless, I expect we'll be hearing about changes to the law in Belgium real soon given the moral dilemma it's brought up.

But here's something incredibly macabre ... and probably a little inappropriate given the subject of this entry, but have any of you heard of the rollercoaster specifically designed to help you shuffle off the mortal coil with a bit of a thrill?  What sort of twisted mind comes up with something like a deadly roller coaster?  Who sits down one day and says "Hmm, I think I'll design a roller coaster that's guaranteed to kill you.  That'll be popular!".

And how exactly would one go about getting a zoning permit for something like that?

One thing's for certain, I'll be sticking to the ferris wheel from now on. 

Maybe they should have specified "undemolished" in the contract...

Imagine it, if you will.  A beautiful fixer upper, two stories, five bedrooms, real wood floors and crown moulding.  You'd be pretty chuffed if you managed to buy it at an auction for the paltry sum of $500, wouldn't you?  God knows I would!

Now imagine that you turned up to move in, all excited about starting renovations on your ridiculously cheap new home, only to find that it had been accidentally demolished as a fire hazard.

Yeah, the word fuck really doesn't seem obscene enough to express something like this.

It sounds almost impossible.  How on earth could something like that even happen?  But it did to a Detroit couple who bought a gorgeous old house at a tax sale and planned to pump a few thousand into it for renovations.

God, they must have been so excited to get the place for so little, I really can't blame them for being so pissed off now.  They got the jackpot that every home buyer out there is looking for ... a genuinely amazing deal!  It must have been heartbreaking to  drive up to that place and see a plot full of rubble.

The city admitted that they'd screwed up, and they even gave the couple the pick of other places they had on their sale list, but the couple didn't want any of them.  They weren't the beautiful old house that they wanted, so they said no.  I don't blame them one bit.

Besides, I imagine that it must be in a pretty crappy neighbourhood to have only gone for half a grand, so I can totally understand why they wouldn't want to settle for some rat trap the city was willing to hand over.  It's one thing to live in the best house on the worst street, but it's another altogether to willingly move into a crappy house just because it's cheap.

So on behalf of all the not wealthy people out there who dream of finding a deal like this for ourselves, we're sorry for your loss.  But but even so ... five hundred bucks for a house?  Damn!

*****

Oh, and for those of you who are interested, I was lucky enough to get Spotlighted over at Gossip_Grl's blog!  How awesome is that?

Thanks honey, both for the review, and for showing me that article about the bordello themed hospital rooms!