What will those Muggles come up with next...

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I think the time has come for me to accept the truth.  I've been in denial for a very long time, but I can't avoid it any longer.

I'm not going to get an invitation to attend Hogwarts.

This is a hard one for me to accept and I'm trying really hard to be brave, but I need to just admit it out loud to you all.  I'm never going to get to sit in the Great Hall under the floating candles.  I'm never going to have a butterbeer in Hogsmeade.  I'm never, and this one really hurts, going to get to walk down Diagon Alley.

I know what you're all thinking.  "Kellie, you're a grown woman of thirty mumble, surely you realise that Harry Potter is just a book. Those places don't really exist.  Besides, the idea of a grown woman wanting to go to a school full of kids is just creepy.  Cut it out."

And to you doubting Thomas's I say, oh really?  Then how do you explain this [link]!

That's right, our overlords at Google have done what scholars for the past decade have been trying to accomplish ... and by scholars of course I mean Harry Potter nerds ... and proven the existence of the magical world.  You can put up all the protective spells you want, magical people, but you can't keep the Google Van out!

Thanks to Google maps, we Muggles can now get a glimpse inside of Diagon Alley and see the places we've all read about.  You can see Slug and Jiggers Apothecary, Eeylops Owl Emporium, Magical Menagerie, and plenty more.

I know, it's not the same as actually getting to go ourselves, but at this point I'm willing to take what I can get.

And so, to all my fellow Harry Potter fans out there, I leave you with a question I read on Tumblr the other day.  If you had the choice between world peace and getting to go to Hogwarts, which house would you be in?

Harry Potter and the Fair Trade Controversy...

I think most of you already know my opinion on human slavery.  In fact, some of you may remember back a few months ago when I made us all feel like awful human beings by showing us what our slavery footprint was.

Yeah, sorry about that.

But the reason I'm bringing it up again isn't to make you all feel horrendously guilty, it's to tell you all about something that the Harry Potter Alliance are currently trying to do.

Okay, I can hear you all saying "Wait up, the Harry Potter Alliance?  What is that, some sort of role playing game?"

Well possibly, I don't know what they do in their spare time, but the HPA is a charitable group of Harry Potter fans who work together to raise money for different causes.  Just to give you an idea of the scope of what they've managed to accomplish, they raised enough money to charter and fill five planes with things to send over to Haiti back when all the trouble was happening.  Seriously, FIVE WHOLE CARGO PLANES!

Consider it a lesson in never underestimating a bunch of nerds when it comes to getting shit done.

But recently the HPA has turned it's attention to child slavery, specifically in the manufacturing of chocolate.  They wanted to find out if Warner Brothers was using Fair Trade chocolate in its Harry Potter merchandise, so they sent them a letter to ask.

The reply they got was that, yes, Warner Brother did use non-slavery chocolate in their goods as per their ethical sourcing guidelines.  However, when the HPA checked with an external organisation that specialises in assessing organisations for things like this, they were told that WB actually received a failing grade when it came to using Fair Trade chocolate.

Hmm, sounds a bit suspicious, doesn't it.

When the HPA took this news back to Warner Brothers, they were told that WB had done their own report and that they were satisfied with the results of it, but when the HPA asked to see a copy of it, they refused.

Even more suspicious.

So now HPA has started a petition to try and get Warner Brothers to show a copy of this report that they claim to have.  Go have a read and if you agree that it all seems a bit fishy, feel free to sign it.

Personally, I think things like this are incredibly important.  It's one thing if a company chooses to use chocolate that isn't Fair Trade, but to say yours is when external groups are saying it isn't, and then to refuse to show the evidence you supposedly have, well that's quite frankly reprehensible.

I have enough human slavery bad karma all of my own, Warner Brothers, I don't need to be drawn in as an unwitting participant in yours too.

The face of evil had an enormous beard ... who knew...

I love Harry Potter.  It's like the great equaliser.  No matter who you are, or what walk of life you're from, you've probably got at least a passing knowledge of the stories.  I can go up to anyone, even if I haven't met them before, and ask them, "Which did you prefer, Prisoner of Azkaban or Goblet of Fire", and wham, I've made a new best friend as we discuss the pros and cons of Sirius Black versus Cedric Diggory.  But there's a point about these books that I find myself constantly disagreeing with everyone else. 

In my opinion, the Harry Potter novels have the most vile bad guy in them of all time.

I know what you're thinking.  You're wondering why this is such a scandalous thing for me to believe.  After all, I'd hardly be the only one in the world to believe that Lord Voldemort was with worst of the worst.  Ah, but therein lies the rub!  You see, I DON'T think Voldemort is the worst of villians.

In fact, I'd have to say that as far as bad guys go, he's pretty pedestrian.  Sure, he likes to kill people, and sure, he's out for world domination, but that's fairly standard when it comes to that demographic.  Lets be honest, if he didn't have at least one of these goals in his resume, we'd think him a pretty crap evil dude.  Even so, there's another character in Harry Potter who I think was much, much worse than old Mouldyshorts.

Albus Dumbledore.

Is this the face of evil?

Now, before you start getting all twitterpated and asking me what in tarnation I think I'm doing, accusing one of the greatest wizards of our age of being evil, I'd like you to think for a few minutes on his actions over the course of the books.  Hell, over the course of Harry's whole life!  The man has been ... shall we say a little negligent?

Lets look at the facts, hmm?  Dumbledore takes a baby whose just been orphaned and, knowing full well that he'll be at best neglected, at worst abused, leaves him on the doorstep of his magic-phobic Aunt and Uncle.  He does this not because he thinks that they'll take care of the baby, but because he knows he can build blood wards around the house and he wants to keep the baby alive.  Again, not out of any love for the kid, but because he knows that Mouldyshorts isn't really dead and he's going to need that kid sometime in the future.  After all, you've got to protect your assets.

Then he leaves the boy there for ten years, not once seeming to notice or care that the kid is growing up in an emotionally abusive household where he's treated like he doesn't matter at all.  In fact, I'd even go so far as to assume that was his intention all along.  After all, we all know how this story ends.  If you're grooming a kid to be willing to kill themselves on demand, you'd better make damned sure they think they're worth less than everyone else or they might just up and refuse when the time comes.

Then, when the boy turns eleven, you whisk him off to the world of witches and wizards.  Make sure he's overwhelmed with the thrill of it all and showered with friendship and admiration.  But don't forget to stick him back in that hell hole every Summer so he can be well and truly squashed again before you swoop back in and release him just before the start of the new school year.  After all, you want him to feel pathetically grateful, all the better for making sure he'll be a good sacrificial lamb when the time comes.

Lather, rinse, repeat at least seven times.

Oh, and don't forget during those seven years to turn a blind eye to glaringly dangerous situations that crop up in the castle.  In fact, why not prod the kid in their direction and see how he holds up.  Best way to see how he's coming along, and who cares if you endanger hundreds of other kids in the process.  After all, it's all for the greater good.

And it doesn't hurt if you show the kid a little familial affection.  Be the doting grandparent he never had.  Hell, he's never had any parental care, so he'll lap it up.  By the end of it, he'll be willing to do anything you say is necessary, even if that's walking in front of a loaded wand.

Then at the end of all that you should have a well trained human sacrifice, willing to march himself out and offer himself up because, after all, he loves these people, and it's not like he's worth a damn to anyone.

Oh yeah, Dumbledore's a real prince.

Pigfarts, here I come...

Hello, my darlings!  Today's blog entry is aimed at all my fellow Harry Potter fanatics.  I'm going to assume that's all of you because I just find it hard to conceive of anyone not finding Harry Potter awesome.

I'm going to do you all a favour now and recommend one of the best fan made artistic endeavours to hit the Potterverse since Potter Puppet Pals ... A Very Potter Musical!

For those of you not familiar with AVPM, it's a fan made musical that was performed by a theatre group in Michigan purely for the love of Harry Potter.  They wrote it, came up with the songs, got the costumes together and put the whole thing on as a labour of love.  And we're not talking about some dinky little five minute parody here, this is a full length musical that goes for a couple of hours!


These guys are legitimate fans, they definitely know their stuff.  There's plenty of in jokes and references back to the books, and quite a few insights that'll have you laughing.  But really, you're going to love it for the music.


The performances are hilarious, especially the girl who plays Draco Malfoy and the guy who plays Dumbledore.  Harry, Ron and Hermione have a great rapport and play off each other really well, and the ridiculously tall fellow who plays Goyle just steals every scene he's in.

The videos are broken up into two groups, act one and act two, and then into parts.  If you want to see them on a playlist which will take you from one to the next without you having to worry about finding the next bit, you can go here.

Seriously though, if you're a fan of Harry Potter and you haven't seen this then you absolutely must watch it!  Find a couple of hours, sit yourself down, and just watch it through.  Once you have, the title of this entry will totally make sense.

You can thank me later.