But as with any time of great hardship, some people step up and show just how dedicated they are to helping their fellow man. No, I'm not talking about giving food, shelter, or temporary employment to those poor unfortunates who are currently sans paycheck. The hero I'm referring to is giving them something much more ... intimate.
A Detroit sex toy manufacturer, out of the goodness of his heart, has decided to give away two hundred vibrators each day to people who are affected by the government shutdowns [link]. That's right, if you're one of the unlucky civil servant who suddenly has a whole lot of time on their hands, you now have something to fill that time ... and those hands.
Isn't that kind of him! It's a stressful time, I'm sure you'll all agree, and he just wants to help everyone relax. It's not like you've got anywhere else you need to be, so why not take advantage of his complementary buzzy gift?
But as generous as his offer is, I'm not entirely sure it's in everybody's best interests.
We all know how easy it is to get used to a new routine when we're on holidays. I always make sure I don't take naps when I'm on a break, the last thing I want is to go back to work and then every afternoon at two feel like I need a bit of a kip.
Can you imagine how awkward things would get if everyone got into the habit of doing ... that ... half an hour after lunch, and then they're all called to go back to work? Seriously, we can't let it happen.
The lines for the bathrooms are bad enough as it is.